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(110 votes) Published: Dec 14, 2007 8:16 p.m. Viewed 693 times
This is a helpful guide to failing at life. I will show you the ways of dropping out of school, not working, disrespecting all authorities except your own, and much more! If you follow my easy 5-step guide to not succeeding, you will be one unhappy camper, and feel terrible about it.
Here is an image of an unhappy camper
Step 1 Genesis It all begins in kindergarten and all the way through high school. The first thing to do is (at all costs) make no friends! This is crucial and will be explained later in this guide. Just remember that making friends leads to happiness, but if you always remember this wise saying *happiness = bad* then you will definitely be on the right track to faling at life.
Here is an image of a failure in the making
Step 2 8th Grade Now, 8th grade is an important year for students because academics matter to most high schools, like private or Catholic schools, so make sure you don’t study! I repeat, DO NOT study and you most likely will fail all of your tests. By not studying, you will automatically be erased as a potential student to any private school, therefore you will go to a public high school, which is the next step in failing at life. Yes, there are some people out there that don’t need to study and still score high on tests; if you happen to be one of these people, listen carefully to this next helpful hint *Don’t pay attention*. Most of you probably are already following this step so good for you, but we aren’t even halfway there yet so try to keep up with me.
Step 3 High School A majority of people on rotteneggs are in high school, and most likely skipped the first two steps, but that’s okay because there is still hope for them in failing at life. At this point, if you have been following the guide carefully, you should still have no friends, but watch out because freshman year is one of the best ways to find friends. Again, at all costs, avoid contact with people! Even a simple "How’s it going?" can start a chain-reaction of small talk, then text messaging, then instant messaging, then eventually you will find yourself conversing with your "friend" about how nice the weather is that day. An important thing to know is that if you disrepct all authority including teachers, parents, cops, lawyers, firefighters, minorities, etc., you will be marked as a "punk-ass kid", further increasing your chance of failing at life. Also, keep in mind that colleges will start noticing your academics and extracurricular activites, so make sure you do the worst you can in both (It is recommended to not do any sports, thus causing you to gain 150lbs. and gain a pot-belly). Oh, I’m not suggesting anything, but it is possible that drinking, smoking, and sex at this age may ruin your life. This isn’t the case for some, but for most it does in fact make you suffer from the following: cancer, asthma, bronchitis, emphysema, AIDS, herpes, gonorrhea, and many more diseases.
Hint Hint
Step 4 The Not-Working World Pay close attention to this step because this is where many people go wrong when trying to fail in life *DO NOT GET A JOB* By getting a job, you are increasing your income from nothing to (your set amount of money here). True, money = the root of evil, but with money you can buy a jet ski, and everyone knows the side effects of a jet ski are as follows: happiness.
Step 5 Hobility (Hoe-bill-i-tee) The final step to this long, bone-crushing, painstaking, evil, pessimistic process is hobility (Hobility is a word I made up that means the ability to be a hobo). If you have followed each step carefully and precise in detail, you should have arrived at this concluding step to failure. This step involves no skill what so ever, so do not worry about this part. Do, however, ask people for spare change if they come in a radius of 6 to 7 feet away from your current location, which should be at the corner of stop lights. Eventually, you will have enough change to go down to the drug store and buy yourself a nice, cold beer. Go ahead, drink it, you deserved it! After all, an excess amount of beer after many years can result in liver cancer. Well that about wraps up my article on how simple failing at life can be. If you enjoyed this, please refer this to family, neighbors, and significant others (That is, if you haven’t already followed this guide because by failing at life, remember, you should have no friends). So thank you for reading, I hope you liked it, it is completely original, I did not copy this excluding the images because I found those on google, and have a Not-Merry Christmas!
If all 5 steps are followed, this should be your end result
Dec 14, 2007 11:37 pm - hmmm..well...
I failed high school and middle school, got in trouble with the law went to juvi a bunch of times when I was a teenager, partied n all that shit. I moved out of my parents house and hometown at 18 on my own with almost nothing. Later I started building houses bought a new truck got some new toys, stacked some cash got my diploma now im almost 21 going into the military. I think I did damn good for failing lol. 0* because I dont think any of that is true, just because you fail at some things in life doesent mean you can’t win later on. But it was a good joke, so ill give it a 3*.
I’m an anarchist though. I’m going to live my life by your egg and come out on top. It’s what anarchists do.
Deal with it.
Quote:
hmmm..well...
failed high school and middle school, got in trouble with the law went to juvi a bunch of times when I was a teenager, partied n all that shit. I moved out of my parents house and hometown at 18 on my own with almost nothing. Later I started building houses bought a new truck got some new toys, stacked some cash got my diploma now im almost 21 going into the military. I think I did damn good for failing lol. 0* because I dont think any of that is true, just because you fail at some things in life doesent mean you can’t win later on. But it was a good joke, so ill give it a 3*.
You said 0*....but then you said you’d give him 3*.
Don’t blow your own horn too much. YOu clearly did fail.
Also you though he was serious, and going to the military.
The above actions show me that you have failed.
YOU’RE FUCKING STUPID AND I’M GOING TO 0* ALL UR SHIT. TAKE THAT IM GOING TO GIVE YOU SO MANY 3*...NO W8 0*...NO W8 3*...FUKK CANT REMEMBER.
FUKK BETTA JOIN THE ARMY AND KILL PPL SO IM NOT A FAILURE LOL.
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