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(84 votes) Published: Mar 19, 2008 12:38 a.m. Viewed 1717 times
I love beer. All kinds. Cheap, expensive, foreign, domestic, malt liquor or a rare seasonal. Beer makes you think your having a better time than you actually are. Fat girls become just a little plump and a extremely awkward morning ensues.To get to the utopia though, you have to drink beer pretty fast and Pabst Blue Ribbon is nothing to savor.This egg is primarily going to deal with cheap beer but of course you can use any type. I’m going to explain a few different ways of drinking beer really fast. I go to college so ofcourse we binge drink. Thats because no one enjoys the taste of keystone or Busch. Here are some methods.
The Funnel Pretty standard. Just attach a soft plastic piece of tubing to a funnel. Go to wal-mart and pick up the materials, attach with a zip tie. Total cost $5. The procedure is simple bend tube, poor in beer. Place tube to the mouth, un-bend the tupe and consume. This method has been proven to get panties of girls 57.8% of the time. I like those odds.Average time to intake: 4.5 seconds.
The Shotgun This is the most convenient way to drink a beer fast. There are a few different versions to do this. I crack the tab, but not enough to open the can. Then I poke a whole the size of my thumb nail at the bottom of the can, put the hole to my mouth, open the beer and consume.Now if you choose this method you have to beware one problem. Most drinkers lack the brass to drink a whole one. For what reason, I don’t know. Many people drop the beer with at most half left. This is wasting beer. Don’t do this.
Average time to intake: 5.5-6 seconds.
The Reverse Shotgun This isn’t the proper name but it’s good enough. Simply take the tab of the beer and work it into the top end of the can opposite the opening. This equalizes the pressure and the drinker can consume much faster. This kid ray showed it to me. He didn’t look like had more of a I.Q. then a brain damaged piece of bread but he sure did know of to drink a beer. And also make three kinds of shanks, that’ll be a different egg. Average time to intake: 6-10 seconds depending on the drinker.
The Bottle To drink fast out of a bottle the drinker doesn’t have to many options. The best way is to keep the bottom of the opening touching their lips but without completely sealing it off. Consume. (Cheap beer in a bottle recommendation:Lions head.)
The Paint Stick This is by far the most Macgyver-ish technique I’ve seen. You need to purchase a paint roller set at lowes for about $10. Throw away the roller and keep the plunder driven handle. This is used sort of like those cheap pool water guns. After washing the tube with soap and water (can never be to safe when it comes to binge drinking) the drinker sucks up about beer and a half. Then the plunger end is place against the wall head level and the drinker puts the opening to their mouth and moves forward. This lets the drinker control how hast their drinking. So they can go for a record or do half then pass it on to someone else. A couple of these guys will get you fucking fat bitches in now time, hell you might even fight a N word or two.
Average time to intake: 2-? seconds.
I only post this egg for people who are of the legal age to drink.But if you get ahold of a couple of your dads High Lifes then I can’t stop you. If all else fails, drinking out of a cup is extremely fast but with practice you can usually drink a entire beer in 4 seconds.
Mar 19, 2008 1:39 am - grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Another one is if you have a bottle of beer you get a bendy straw and put it in the beer, but slowly otherwise the beer becomes mostly head then you bend the straw so its out of the bottle.
you should now have your straw in the bottle with the bendy part outside of the bottle and bent down the neck, then you hold the straw and drink the beer.
it goes down fast because the straw allows air to get in the bottle and you can put your whole mouth on the bottle to drink.
thanks babes
Mar 19, 2008 6:29 pm - Kinda dumb Hey listen I’m sure you’ve all heard chugging to many beers in a single hour can in fact kill you. so if your gonna use these ideas atleast don’t be stupid and get yourself killed.
Oct 20, 2008 1:49 pm - *5 for the effort of typing it all, but you also could just drink the beer normally and enjoy all of it instead of being like "ZOMG GUYS LOOK I CAN DRINK REALLY FAST LOL!!!1"
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