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1 wood log, round
1 drill with large bit
1 chainsaw or hacksaw
1 tube wood glue
sulfur, gasoline, saltpetre, TNT, gunpowder, birdshot, whatever
Take the log, cut off the end. Take the big piece and drill a hole in it so the inside of the log is hollow . The larger the bore on the drill bit, the better hole you can make. Then take your explosive and/or stinky substance (sulfur or whatever) and pack the log full of it. Then take the end you sawed off the log and glue it back on with the wood glue exactly the way it was. Clean off the sawdust on the outside and make sure there is no crack or indication you’ve screwed with the log. When the glue dries, pick up the log by the end you glued on to make sure it is on tight, as many people fling logs by one end.
What you’ve got is a log full of explosives that you can put in somebody’s woodpile. They chuck it in the fireplace and BAM, one less dumbass using up our oxygen. If you use sulphur, it will probably just stink like crap in their house for a week or two. You can vary the quantity based on how much time you want to spend drilling in a log and how big you want the bang.
A good variation might be putting an aluminum pipe down in the hole you drilled, if it is big enough, then filling the pipe inside the log with explosives. Sauder the pipe shut or crimp the end tightly, then put the end of the log back on. Now you have a pipe bomb that looks like a log. If you want to rig up a fuse for the pipe bomb (because the pipe will keep direct flame-contact from happening) just rig your fuse to stick out the pipe, but not out the log. The fire in the fireplace, obviously, provides plenty of heat and you eventually get down to whatever fuses or explosive stuff you put in.
Another variation involves a plastic bag and gasoline. Shove your plastic bag inside the log, then fill it full of gas and seal it. Balloons are better, depending on how big the hole in the log is, because you can tie them off easily. Put the cap on and you have a freakin log full of gas that won’t leak through the porous wood.
Tip: Make sure it doesn’t rattle or weigh too much. Don’t leave a seam or any mark on the log. Put it on top of the woodpile so that you don’t have to wait. If you’re caught, you are going to jail, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars... so don’t do this, and I’m not liable if you do. Have fun.
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