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(24 votes) Published: Mar 26, 2002 12:00 a.m. Viewed 237 times
SEA MONKEY MANIA
After drinking the jar of year old Sea Monkeys I didn’t feel so good. I’m starting to think it wasn’t such a great idea. You may be thinking to yourself, "What would possess someone to drink a jar of Sea Monkeys?!" Well. that is a good question. I’m gonna puke. Ugh! I just.ugh. threw up in the toilet and when I looked in there all I could see were Sea Monkeys swimming around with the bile and chunky chunks. The Sea Monkeys had grown. Getting them out of my throat was a struggle which may lead to be fatal. They now had little sharp claws and teeth and they hung onto the lining of my throat as they came up. They tasted. diseased. I can feel them in my stomach setting up shop. They swim and dig around in my intestines getting comfortable in their new home. If they need more space they go thru a wall. My stomach must look like swiss cheese because they’ve been doing nothing but remodeling since they moved in. As long as they’re happy I remain to be happy, even though the pain is starting to make me sweat a little. So I wait. I can feel the Monkeys making their way through my digestive tract. They rip holes in the sides of my large intestines and shove the doody out into my system. It feels awful, but they need the space so what can I do. The Sea Monkeys are definitely growing I can see them moving around under my skin. Most are the size of half my hand. I’m starting to think they are getting a little too aggressive and there is a danger of them ending up killing me. I start to think that I may have made a mistake by drinking them in the first place. I start to think that maybe I misread the instructions on the package. After an hour or two go by, I’m scared to realize that I have been drifting in and out of consciousness. There are "spots" in my memory. The Monkeys have grown a tremendous amount and my whole mid section looks lumpy. The movement is making my nauseous and I keep spitting up cup fulls of blood. I must have misread that package because I have seen no sign of the "guaranteed" super strength promised. I tried to lift up the kitchen table but all I got was a shooting pain in my groin. One aggressive little monkey as worked his way into my urethra and set up a bachelor pad. Hopefully, he won’t decide to entertain anytime soon. I wake up out of another blackout and know for a fact that I must have read the package wrong because I reread it and it said nothing about super powers or drinking them after a year. I wonder what I was reading. Well, there was only one thing left I could do. evict. I stagger to my workbench bleeding from my mouth, nose, wang, and butt. I think they’re feeling a little too comfortable in my insides. I take the chainsaw off the wall and pull the cord. It roars to life and without hesitation I plunge it into my insides and pull it up then left then right then up then left then right then down then up then left and right and in and out. All the fleshy bloody strings and chunks flew everywhere. I looked down at my ruined midsection and searched for evidence of my inhabitors. Somehow there was none. I dug my fingers into my guts and ripped out a section. After close examination I could find nothing that was Sea Monkey related. I must have been reading my brain all wrong. Unless the Sea Monkeys were the one’s with the super powers. If I wasn’t about to die in a second or two I would definitely reread the package once more.
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