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(40 votes) Published: May 16, 2002 12:00 a.m. Viewed 302 times
1) Do not get drunk and talk to other peoples girlfriends
2) Do not stick your fingers in cigar cutters when youre drunk just because someone said "Hey, stick your finger in here.
3) Do not ride a bike in the ice, or slick snow when you have a thorn patch at the end of your driveway.
4) In conjunction with number 3, do not ride an overly small bike down a steep hill and over a large speed bump.
5) Despite what we all like to think, not EVERYTHING is smokeable.
6) Don’t throw Frisbees at lit light bulbs.
7) Eating a one-pound block of cheese is not good, either.
8) Don’t take pills just because they are there.
9) Don’t get drunk and run around naked at a shopping center.
10) Yes gasoline smells good, but don’t smell it for too long.
11) Check the expiration date on orange juice before making shooters.
12) No, you can’t clean up all that glass after throwing plates off the balcony.
13) It is not fun to dance on the roof despite the thrill.
14) Most cat’s have claws so don’t blow in their face just because they make a funny face.
15) Avoid animals when on XTC.
16) REALLY avoid trees when on XTC.
17) If they are hot and drunk, they probably have a boyfriend that is big and drunk.
18) Watch who you make the "That person is running’ like a Jew in Poland ’45" crack to.
19) If you see a homeless guy that looks like he’s dead, don’t try to wake him up.
20) And don’t laugh at him either.
21) Just because they are wearing sunglasses doesn’t mean they are blind.
22) Empty paintball guns + old people = probation
23) Don’t hit shopping carts with your car, as fun as it may seem.
24) No, it’s not fun to get drunk and hit your drunken friend in the face with a champagne cork.
25) Do not burn things in the bathroom.
26) Although making Dale Earnhardt’s death jokes can be quite amusing, do not make them to large, burly truck drivers.
27) A pellet gun CAN kill a dog.
28) Once again, I need to stress not getting drunk and talking to your friends girlfriend.
29) Dont show up at your friends house with a bottle of Jack Daniels in your hand, sometimes their parents are home.
30) Think about this when youre a pedestrian "No, that car probably can’t see me coming around the corner."
31) Paint thinner is very flammable.
32) "Hey, let’s just dump the gas directly from the can to the burn barrel".no, don’t do that either.
33) No cops believe "we were just going to Hardee’s" at 2 am.
34) Getting blitzed and knocking on random peoples doors at 11 pm results in angry man with pistol.
35) The first place your parents look for weed is your top drawer.
36) And as good as a hiding place as it sounds, the second place they look is above the doorframe in the inside of your closet.
37) Yes, those goofy fake wrestling moves really do hurt.
38) That girls parents WERE serious about "No cum stains in my car or I’m gonna bust your nose in." They meant that, really.
39) Yes, even if it’s a mom saying that.
40) Don’t tempt drunk friends to "Spray me with that mace, I #*@!ing dare you" Because they are plastered and they will.
41) Your parents don’t believe (really) that youre using that lighter for candles.
42) Those floor fans in your room, they are moving faster than you think. Even if youre tripping, the cover is there for a reason.
43) If you work at a fast food place, and someone pulls up to the drive through and gets all pissy, don’t spit in their food, give it to them and say, F|_|ck off, Goat F|_|(ker, under your breath. They may be your grandparents.
44) Girls know youre not bending down underneath your desk JUST to get your pencil.
45) Just IGNORE those people who are selling you bootlegs in the Baltimore subways, don’t get pissy at them, they probably have knives.
46) A pellet gun can go through shoe leather too, you know.
47) This isn’t TV, the bottles don’t break peoples heads they give them concussions.
4 The first time you have a sexual encounter with a woman, make sure you can see what youre doing, the small one’s probably the butt hole.
49) Sticking your d|(k in the vacum cleaner hurts.
50) Warm apple pie does not feel like pu55y.
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