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(59 votes) Published: Aug 25, 2005 3:22 p.m. In 5 Favorites Lists Viewed 333 times
Hey, bitches. This is my first egg in a while, I’tll be good, I promise.
So. Here we are, smack-dab in the middle of the U.S.A. Little town, couple thousand hard-working, patriotic Americans. Boring as hell, right? Well, I’m gonna tell you how to bring that mother to her knees. Well, if not that, then you’ll get one hell of a laugh out of the crap that you cause.
Goal: To stir up a small town into paranoia and fear.
Cost: Nothing- $300.00
Procedure: See below.
Step 1: Planting the Seeds of Revolution It’s easy to visualize panicking your town, but the uestion asks, how? Let’s see: typical anarchy crap does one of 2 things: drastically increases crime, and gets you into jail. I learned that the hard way, i’m not going down that path again. The way that you’re gonna do it, though, is by striking at the very hearts of freedom-loving, patriotic Americans: Commies! All Americans are trained by the media and their parents to hate and fear Communists. I don’t see how that makes sense, but hey, it’s your thing. Anyways, about 2 weeks before the fear harvesting begins, you need to sow the seeds. An instrumental part of this elaborate prank is getting the proper job. Ideally, take on a side job as a paperboy; this will be very important later on, and make things easier. Owning a car is nice, but a bike will do. During these 2 weeks, while on your way to work, school, or when on a walk, write up about 20 sticky-notes, and stick them onto cars as you walk by. The more cars a day, the better. On the notes, write things like, "JOIN THE REVOLUTION", or "DROP CAPITALISM". Better yet, throw in a fake e-mail adress (i.e, www.capitalistrevolution.net or something). You don’t want to put a real adress, don’t get someone else involved. Keep attaching sticky notes, day by day, until you feel you’ve done enough. If you wish, you can do some minor but more relavent grafitti in alleyways. Think prominent; even a small hammer-and-sickle once in a while is unhealthy for the average Republican. When you think you’ve done enough, we can move on to step two.
Step 2: The first Strike
Okay, so in the back of several hundred peoples’ minds right now, something vague about a Communist threat may be looming, thanks to you. Now we need to get the people’s attention. I mean, everyone’s. Something bold, but not something that you can get punished for. You can do what you want, but I advise a banner. Get a big (about 10-15 feet long by 3 feet wide) piece of white canvas, the plastic type you can buy at a hardware store, and a can of black spraypaint. Paint on a big, bold communist slogan. something like, "DOWN WITH CAPITALISM! ALLY WITH THE NEW COMMUNIST MOVEMENT", or something to equal effect. Late at night, get a staple gun (apolsterer’s gun works, you can rent them at a hardware store) and your banner, and pin it up somewhere prominent, like across a fence in the town square or along a major road. Your goal here is to make local news. If you’ve done that, great. You can move on. If not, keep spamming sticky notes, and try this again, just in a different location.
Step 3: Striking at the Nation’s Heart
Now we need to get serious, and really panick people. By now, everybody knows about the apparent Communist threat. We go a level higher, and hit their kids. That’s right. How? Hit the schools. The most impactful way to do so is to first make a flag. Get a red towel or piece of cloth ([gay]although they do have wonderful terry beach towels at JC Penney...[/gay]) and paint a big yellow hammer and sickle on both sides. Get that trusty staple gun or duct tape, and go to your local public school, noce again in the dead of night. They all have a flagpole, right? Securely attach the flag to the cord, and run it up the pole. Tape/cut off/mess up as much of the cord as you can, so it’ll be difficult to take down. This will terrify the general public, people. Maybe I’m overding it a bit, but people will worry about Commie influences.
Step 4: Bringing the Socialist Word to the People
Although people are worried, we now have to make this whole thing seem more professional. The answer: hit them in their very homes. That’s why you’ve been lugging around papers for the past few weeks. using the wonders of Photoshop or Powerpoint, make up a small pamphlet stuffed full of Commie propaganda. Rag on America, pimp Communism, et cetera. Make it seem a tad extremist. Go to a seedy convenience store, and get a bunch of copies made. The more, the merrier. If you took my advice, slip them into the daily newspaper. Do extra rounds to distribute the extra fliers around the neighbourhood.
Step 5: It’s All up to You, Comrade... Now, you can branch off. If you wish to cause additional havok, go ahead and Paint a hammer and sickle on the mayor’s doorway, or if ya wanna contineu surrepticiously keep your town on edge for months, go ahead. Be creative, go wild. DO a documentary. Become a Commie. It’s all in your hands now, Comrade.
Aug 25, 2005 7:30 pm - NOW U WANNA FUCK UP AMERICA LIKE RUSSIA AND CUBA! NO, I’LL KILL ANY COMMIE TERRORIST I SEE IN AMERICA!!!
VIVA LA REGAN REVOLUTION!!!
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