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(64 votes) Published: Aug 26, 2005 4:19 p.m. In 1 Favorites Lists Viewed 584 times
Considering the age group of most people that post here, most of you will have no idea wtf a 60 or FTX is. A "60" is slang for an M60 machine gun and FTX stands for "Field Training Exercise". This will come up later.
About a year ago I was on FTX with my unit when I got into a heated argument with a guy I like to call piss-pants. I call him piss pants because when we were on the grenade range, he needed to use the latrine and tried to hold it too long and ended up pissing in his pants. Anyway, it’s not that I like to pick on people, I really don’t, it’s just that he’s an ass and is always looking for someone to complain about, and to complain to, including me. When he doesn’t get his way, he likes to cry like a big bitch and he’s also a known "snitch".
Long story short, I decided to get even with piss pants. I knew he had main watch from 0200-0400 (that’s 2-4 in the morning). As it turns out, I had a mid watch not far from main. A mid watch in this case was from midnight to 0200. I made it a point to have NVG’s that (night vision goggles) and as soon as my watch ended, I crept down to the main camp entrance where Piss Pants was on duty guarding the main entrance. I slumbered down to the ground and started the long, slow, but quiet belly crawl towards the sentry area. After about a half hour of belly crawling and fighting off crunchy insects that wanted to make my ear a new home, I was finally within site of Piss Pants. As luck would have it, the dumb ass was not even at his post, he was about 8 feet off from the sheltered fox hole, had a light stick lit up, and was reading a book while sitting on the ground. He also left the 60 mounted at the fox hole.
In an instant I formulated my plan. I would take the 60, and haul it off to the first SGT’s tent and explain to him that Piss pants was derelict during watch, that would get him in some deep shit since we were supposed to be out here to qualify as a company.
As I slowly steered up closer, I donned the NVG’s. I don’t wear them unless I must, they throw my balance off, decrease side vision, and give me a headache, but they do work very well for night vision. One thing I noticed, was that with the NVG’s on, all the tents appeared to glow; we were using new camo dome tents and I think the starlight reflected too much off of them. Without the NVG’s you could never tell, but with NVG’s, they looked like giant Jack’o’lanterns with glowing candles inside, not very tactical.
Anyway, I eventually managed to sneak right up to within touching distance of the 60. I stood up slowly. Behind me was woods, in front of me was the 60, and in front of the 60 was Piss pants and a road. Beyond the road was an open field. I would grab the 60, make a 180 degree turn, run into the woods, circle around and then pay the first SGT a little visit, at 3:30 in the morning. He’d like that!
I new that once I lifted the 60, it would be too heavy for me to run off quietly, so I just grabbed it and ran. It just so happened that some constantine wire was caught up in the 60 so I dragged it too, so much for dashing off into the woods. Piss Pants, stood up and he looked like he was about to have a heart attack, then mumbled "hey, what are you doing?", I answered back, "bang bang bitch, you’re dead, (we didn’t have lasers at this point in time) I got a nice clean shot at your well illuminated face, thanks so much for having that light stick lit up for me." I then skipped the woods and made a B-line for the 1st SGT’s tent, woke his ass up, and demonstrated my skill by displaying the 60 in my outstretched hands, and related to the 1st SGT how easy Piss Pants made it for me. the 1st SGT chuckled a little then said "Godammit, take the 60 back to main and tell Specialist Joiner that I want to see him in my tent NOW!"
What happened to me? Nothing at all, all is fair in war games and in the end I just told the 1st SGT I wanted to practice some night ops. That morning in formation, the 1st SGT asked for future war games to not include the theft of a $10,000 machine gun lol.
For the next month Piss Pants had something new to complain about, his 2 weeks of barracks restriction, and the vendetta he was convinced I had against him.
Aug 26, 2005 4:26 pm - im in the airforce cadets in australia, and i have held an m60.... heavy fucks they are. The only thing i have shot is a .22, an F88 Aus Styre and an F89 Minnimi (if thats how u spell them. I like this story cause it kinda appeals to me so im ganna give u 5. good job.
Aug 26, 2005 4:34 pm - Yep, they are very heavy. If you ever get a chance to fire one, keep in mind that the rounds exit with such force (speed+spin) that they actually fly up when they exit the barrel. So to aim well, you have to aim much lower than where your target is situated. We like to poke fun of guys that come in ready to fire an M60 for the first time that claim it’s no big deal because they have fired them before, and then watch them point it "directly" at the target, a dead giveaway that they have never fired an M60. I play with em all the time and still get excited everytime I lock in a new feed.
Nov 07, 2005 10:17 pm - this some funnie man i cant wait till im 18 i think it is right now im 16 arrrgggg
i need 1 of those soo badly so i can sove it in my friends’ face haha cuz he loves s and shoots themm all the time at the air force base
ummm yea we got contacts there w00t
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