May 07, 2008 2:14 am - sigh.. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. And it’s all because I had the balls to confess. I lost a lover, but gained a best friend. I’ll be there for him until the very end. Some of you post about your relationshit problems alot. I don’t. But this break up was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. After the nastiness of the situation subsided, and we talked, and listened, it turned out better than I ever could have wished for. I don’t know. I’m just so fuckin’ happy I could be blunt with him, and he loves me enough to know that I’m just young, and need to figure things out for myself, without having to think about my future as being married, with kids and shit, not that I have a problem with that. I’m just not ready to think about those things. I’m glad that he is willing to stay in my life as a friend, because I honestly can tell him anything. We had so many good and bad experiences together, but these past 2 years have been an adventure that I will never forget. And we both discovered things we didn’t know about ourselves. All and all, I’m just happy I didn’t loose his friendship. Add a Reply -- REPLIES -- siner May 07, 2008 3:42 am - small pox Thats good. TecnoDestructo May 07, 2008 3:49 am - thats a hard thang to do TecnoDestructo May 07, 2008 12:41 pm - i just got your letter gill ,you will be my top friend forever ,& i love you like the sister i never had. i will put your address in a safe place & write you back ,if i cant swindel my way out of this shit Gill May 08, 2008 1:37 am - I’m glad you got me letter tecno :) Even though I will most likely never meet you, you are a gooood friend, and I like o’s. haha.. but seriously.. YOU ARE the topest friend I COULD ever ask for on that shit. Even though I keep having to delete, and retype, you are a badass as I have said before. Stay young at heart, aye. You have taught me more than ouy know, even though I’m tired of trying to delete and retype. hahahahaha the end.. shiiit.

Apr 13, 2008 12:29 pm - Yarg.. I saw the Subhumans last night. I have a black eye, and my head hurts. It was fucking wonderful. I lost my hat, my jacket, my brass knuckles buckle, and my mind... I’m going to make fliers for the hat. haha.. Fuckin’ eh.. That show was awesome.. I just wish I didn’t drink so much.. I think I beat someone up.. Add a Reply -- REPLIES -- -Blackha k- Apr 13, 2008 12:43 pm - By hearing about the black eye and everything being missing, it sounds like you were the one that got beat up. Lol.. There’s nothing wrong with that though, as long as you had fun. Hey, C-Dizz, are you going to bitch at this guy and tell him that he thinks he’s "hardcore" for drinking? I doubt it. Gill Apr 13, 2008 12:57 pm - haha.. I probably did, but I think the black eye came from an elbow in the pit, and I know how I lost my belt. I got drunk and asked somone to hold on to it for me. But I didn’t know that person at all.. haha. Damn, I had planned on doing the opposite of what ended up happening. Last time I went to see the sumbhumans, I got too drunk, and I don’t think I even saw them. Atleast this time I remember seeing the band. DamnBastard Apr 13, 2008 1:26 pm - Blackhawk, that "guy" is a girl. I’m going tonight to go see them. Its going to be awesome. myincrediblycreativ name Apr 13, 2008 2:06 pm - This is why I like Metal mosh pits more. If someone goes down, you pick them up and keep on going. Punk Rock and that new shit, people just beat the fuck out of each other. CDi z Apr 13, 2008 2:21 pm - Quote: Hey, C-Dizz, are you going to bitch at this guy and tell him that he thinks he’s "hardcore" for drinking? No, I think we already established that you’re the bitch that does that. I’m just the one that put it out there that you’re a hypocrite. Dumbass. -Blackhawk- Apr 13, 2008 3:03 pm - Quote: No, I think we already established that you’re the bitch that does that. We’ve established nothing. According to what I saw today, I’m not the only one who does it. You’re still just pissed off because I made you look stupid in that blog about beer. Yes, I made you look stupid. Don’t deny it, just get over it. I’m done talking here, because I’m not going to continue to argue in someone else’s blog. m0rtified_p3nguin pr 13, 2008 3:29 pm - jfk you 2. stay in your own blog, don’t call people out like that in another part of the site. start somewhere and stay there... because frankly, we don’t want your shit. m0rtified_p3nguin pr 13, 2008 3:30 pm - o yeah. sounds pretty sick gill. hope you find your hat. DamnBastard Apr 13, 2008 3:37 pm - Quote: This is why I like Metal mosh pits more. If someone goes down, you pick them up and keep on going. Punk Rock and that new shit, people just beat the fuck out of each other. You are going to the wrong punk shows then. Everyone gets picked up. Only ass holes beat people up in pits. Gill Apr 13, 2008 3:37 pm - Thanks Mortified.. I’m sure I will.. And as for you liking metal pits because when someone falls they get picked up. That’s pit idicate, and it happens in punkrock aswell.. You’re thinking about that hardcore straight edge bullshit.. they don’t give a fuck if someone falls. They’ll go windmill the fuck too death. CDi z Apr 13, 2008 3:50 pm - Quote: You’re still just pissed off because I made you look stupid in that blog about beer. Yes, I made you look stupid. Don’t deny it, just get over it. Hahahahahahaha wow you must think you have a lot of friends and are a genius too. It’s nice to live in your own little world. You’re the only one who thought that you "made me look stupid." Honestly, if you’re in high school and you’re too much of a girl to drink beer, then you’re a pussy. Gil Apr 13, 2008 4:12 pm - ALRIGHT!!! Enough of this nonesense. You two flammers go flame on your own pages, and fuckin’ kiss my ass. If you post a reply to my blog, please have it refer to the blog, and not about your gay lover. We have all established that you don’t like eachother and you both have to have the last word. Let this be the last word. FOOOKOFF And drink beer everyday. CDizz Apr 13, 2008 5:54 pm - Haha sorry. But yeah, moshpits are always intense. I went a System of a Down concert and saw a kid come out of it with his arm going the wrong way. Gill Apr 13, 2008 8:30 pm - Ouch.. That must have sucked later. I’m sure he didn’t feel it so much while in the pit.. Whitekong Apr 16, 2008 10:21 pm - Quote: I saw the Subhumans last night. I have a black eye, and my head hurts. It was fucking wonderful. I lost my hat, my jacket, my brass knuckles buckle, and my mind... You would get that if you saw me last night. lol JK

Apr 04, 2008 8:45 am - cusadubladeda Not even a whisper creeps through these halls Is there such a thing as easily resolved? Can I recover my sanity? It must be that thing they called vanity.. Destroying affection, and reflection... Not caring about esteem, things are much easier than they seem.. But still waking up becomes hard And sleep comes so rare Sometimes I think to myself.. Do I actually care? Muttering to myself again.. Procrastination Realization that my frustrations are all self induced I have no right to be confused Speak your mind, make a rhyme.. If only everything flowed so well I don’t think we would be the creators of our own hells.. But is this hell? How can you tell? What if it were your earthly heaven to just live without any concerns Sharing, caring.. and takin’ fuckin’ turns My own advice is so nice, but then I think twice before rolling the dice and I’m done.... Sometimes I know I have too much fun But I think I could go on for years, drowning tears with shit beer.. I know my rhymes drag on too long But this wouldn’t really make a good song.. So I just keep typing what sparks in my head Knowing that I’d feel better if I went to bed But lifes a toilet and shit happens...... I guess I just need to flush Add a Reply -- REPLIES -- mutton-c op Apr 04, 2008 4:34 pm - unless its a floater, those are gifts from god. mutton-chop Apr 04, 2008 4:35 pm - deep by the way Gill Apr 04, 2008 7:56 pm - Thanks alot dude.. I was feeling rather crude.. haha I rhyme like a joooo CobycatMetal Apr 06, 2008 7:20 pm - perfecto Quote: Can I recover my sanity? It must be that thing they called vanity.. Destroying affection, and reflection... Not caring about esteem, things are much easier than they seem.. But still waking up becomes hard And sleep comes so rare Sometimes I think to myself.. Do I actually care? Muttering to myself again.. Procrastination Realization that my frustrations are all self induced I have no right to be confused Speak your mind, make a rhyme.. If only everything flowed so well DamnBastard Apr 09, 2008 12:16 am - Cool.

Mar 07, 2008 9:47 pm - Hmm.. I guess I was bored.. Random days roll in through the minds bay May day, may day We’re going to crash, Eat the stash, in a frenzied dash AYE CAPTAIN!!! Now what do I do? Screw the crew? Take a poo? Rhyme to you? Now hit the poop deck before I get the check!!! Or the bill.. Just one more pill, for the kill CRAZY!!!? I WAS CRAZY ONCE! THEY PUT ME IN A ROOM WITH TWO FLOWERS ONE GREW UP ONE GREW DOWN THE ONE THAT GREW DOWN TICKLED MY NOSE TIL’ I WENT CRAZY!!! CRAZY?!!! I WAS CRAZY ONCE! The end, a startling realization that nothing is forever, oh how clever you’ve become young one But oh!! However clever you may be, you haven’t realized that you and me Can never have fun FUN!!!? Fun you say? Nay, not I. Only Good times. For me and I. But these daze keep rolling through that haze that is the minds eye, stoping only momentarily for you and I. And only sometimes might you see That this world is bleeding because you are free. Add a Reply -- REPLIES -- Mar 07, 2008 10:52 pm - Pure genius @ Gill Mar 07, 2008 11:30 pm - hehe.. thanx man.. i was bored TecnoDestructo Mar 08, 2008 1:46 am - im not free Gill Mar 08, 2008 2:02 am - Freedom.. It’ a nice notion, but I suppose none of us truly are until we loose everything. I like to think it’s a state of mind... I think I’ll feel free again once I do the shit I need to do.. then I can go somewhere new.. DamnBastard Mar 08, 2008 12:13 pm - I like it. Gill Mar 11, 2008 12:12 am - How is it you always make me want to shake a kitten and throw it in your sleeping bag, while smothering you with flamming fecal matter?

Feb 25, 2008 1:45 am - ......................... ... So I won a poetry contest, and my poem is going in a book.. The main editor wrote me personally and told me that my unique perspective on life is extraordinary, and that I should be honored to be in this book, and that I may very well win a bunch of cash. Ironically I will never see this book. I hope I win the cash. Add a Reply -- REPLIES -- MilkyJoe Feb 25, 2008 4:50 am - Quote: Ironically I will never see this book. why’s that? good work anyway! I would love to read this poem. glunter Feb 25, 2008 2:32 pm - Scam, I bet you have to pay money. Dam Bastard Feb 25, 2008 3:08 pm - Where is the poem? I would like to read it. Feb 25, 2008 5:13 pm - good luck. Gill Feb 25, 2008 10:06 pm - Well, it doesn’t cost money for my poem to be published, but the book itself costs about $50 for the cheapest deal, I guess it’s all fancy and shit. It’s called "The best Poems and Poets of 2007". They say I’m not obligated to purchase anything, and that I am still qualified for winning the money, or a medal. The poem is.. "No artificial meanings Just subconscious mind splatter Human beings keep fiending all their sedatives and death apparatuses My subconscience is fleeting Just beyond true reason Our society keeps beating This view of bullshit into us Explanations are not always neccesary, Sometimes we are fueled By blind ignorance" Family_Guy09 Feb 25, 2008 11:17 pm - Quote: apparatuses N . runter Feb 26, 2008 12:51 am - Quote: Well, it doesn’t cost money for my poem to be published, but the book itself costs about $50 for the cheapest deal, I guess it’s all fancy and shit. It’s called "The best Poems and Poets of 2007". They say I’m not obligated to purchase anything, and that I am still qualified for winning the money, or a medal. Was it like poetry.com or something cos I remember AAAGGES ago my sister submitted a poem she did for school or something and they said she got her poem into a book, it cost 50 bucks, no obligations lah lah lah... Its not a scam technically but it preys on the psychology of people, I wouldn’t be suprised if every poem submitted is put into a book. Its like a letter we got a while ago from a "charity" we got a sheet of adhesive nametags with my parents names on them and they expected a donation in return, or you could send it back to them for free, but seeing as most people are relatively good minded they just end up ringing up the toll number and donating how ever much. Its like someone carving your name into something and then you’re forced to buy it even though you didn’t ask them to. Heres a poem I just wrote. There once was a bitch she wrote a book on how to get rich It sold very well but she went to hell and the customers were still digging a ditch! Yeah it’s not very good, but it’s high class and intelligent 2 da max. SMD Feb 26, 2008 5:35 pm - haha is this from poetry.com? it’s a scam, don’t believe them Gill Feb 26, 2008 9:16 pm - Gee.. thanks for all the reassurance. :) Fuck the yuppies. If they can appreciate my poetry, then cool beans. If not, fuck em, and I’m not buying a the book. I’m already struggling to buy my books and supplies for school.

Feb 18, 2008 5:44 pm - Derailroaded I had heard Wildman Fischer on a few occasions. Then today on an independent channel I had the pleasure of watching a documentary about him. As I watched it, I realized that I had met him in Venice Beach about a year ago and he had written me a poem for some change. I was also hard up for cash, and selling my hand made wind chimes at the time, so instead I just chatted with him and gave him a piece of pizza. He told me all sorts of wild stories, some about him knowing Frank Zappa, Janis Joplin, and many other late greats. My boyfriend thought I was crazy for believing his stories. He is an extraordinary artist, although many don’t give him so much credit. I have always known that there is a thin line between genius and insanity. He is one of the people that has proven that fact over and over, and erased the line completely. I just thought I’d let you guys know, just in case any of you know who he is, which I’m sure you do. I feel honored to have met not just him, but so many other people who were there when so much individualism surfaced in America. Next time you see a bum on the street, just think for a moment. Maybe this guy was there when it mattered. Maybe this guy was some great musician, or maybe he was a mis-understood artist. Perhaps he did something profound in his life, and just ended up in a rutt. Or perhaps he’s just tired of trying to be something he is not. Maybe he’s just a wild man. I say watch "Derailroaded" A d a Reply -- REPLIES -- DamnBast rd Feb 26, 2008 5:17 pm - I like this guy. duct_tape told me how to get some of his music. He is definitely different. Gill Feb 26, 2008 7:02 pm - cooool

Feb 18, 2008 2:15 pm - OOGLE So I went to a show saturday night. Nothing too big, I only payed 2 bucks, and it was some local bands playin’ in a truck yard in BUM FUCK FONTUCKY NOWHERE. It started off great, everyone was kickin’ it having good times, sharing stories, drinking beers, smokin’ da motta next to a fire. And when the show started suddenly my man and I, the only one’s moshing and showing any sign of life at all were the bad guys. All the little poster punk bitches got mad because I was tryin’ to get them to mosh with me. The bands were great, some of the people were cool, but the only thing punk rock about the majority of those fuckin’ kids was that they all rocked back and forth. I have a feeling they were jealous.. or perhaps they just didn’t want to fall on the ground and mess up their pre-hole in the ass $80 pants. Who know’s.. I began amusing myself at their expense. Humpin’ legs, head buttin’ bitches, and queers, and then in the end, at mid-night right before we got kicked out, the guitarist from the sickest band in my opinion came up to my man and I gave us free patches, and a couple beers. Told us that we were the only people that made him want to keep playing the show. So it all worked out in the end I suppose. Even though we were stranded in BUM FUCK FONTUCKY NOWHERE. And my bubbly came up missing. Add a Reply -- REPLIES -- m0rtifie _p3nguin Feb 18, 2008 8:26 pm - f Gil Feb 18, 2008 8:50 pm - z

Feb 13, 2008 3:04 pm - Interesting.. As I read through my old blogs, I realized just how drastically my perspective on life has changed in just three short years. I truly miss seeing things as seductively magnificant as I once did. Although I still find beauty in just about everything, I have also seen just how frail humanity has become. Maybe I have just learned a lesson. Perhaps humanity has always been so frail, and I am just now discovering it. Maybe my thoughts on life have all been naive up to this point. Or perhaps I have discovered that I am not as tough as I once believed I was. I’m just a girl. I’m just human. I have realized that when I give people I know advice, a large amount of it applies to myself aswell. They ask, "Why does this shit always happen to me? What have I done that is so wrong to deserve this?" And I reply, "Dude, bad shit happens to the people taking care of old ladies. Good shit happens to the assholes who rob them. In the end, life is a toilet. When shit happens, FLUSH IT." I go through stages where I am completely and utterly bewildered. Deep down inside, I know what needs to be done. I know that I am completely capable of accomplishing great things in my life, and I know that I will. I just feel so lost at times, like I wanted to take a short cut, but came to a cliff. And then I laugh at myself. I’m just another silly girl, young, confused, and out of control. Living, not just alive. And I can always build a bridge to the other side. Now that I have finally taken the first step to accomplishing my life goal, I feel good about myself. But it doesn’t stop the endless questions. I know most will go un-answered, but others will be understood when they should be, and not a moment sooner. As much as I talk shit about mindless drones, and yada yada, yackity shmakity, sometimes I wish I could be so mindless. Maybe just for a day. Just one day of childhood bliss. No worries. Just that wonderful feeling you get on tire swings, or marry-go-rounds. I know in the end I will understand my innermost conflicts. I know that I am not brainless, and that I will not throw my life away like so many believe I will. I can’t wait to see where the winds of change will carry me. And yet again, I ramble on. As will I for the rest of my worldly exsistence. Add a Reply -- REPLIES -- m0rtifie _p3nguin Feb 13, 2008 5:30 pm - i respect that it’s your movie and all, but i just want to drop some stuff that’s changed my life in the past couple of months. don’t dwell on the past. don’t fret the future. live for the moment. simple as that. i see things more clearly and am much more content with myself and my life than ever before. it sounds trivial, but if you can live it, you will be suprised. Gill Feb 13, 2008 5:37 pm - Thanks dude.. I’ve already realized all of that. I live for the moment, and do what I can for the future. I was just deep in thought. I think the confusion I feel is just because I don’t have all the answers. But things are lookin’ up. I’m about to go buy myself an acoustic for my guitar class commin’ up, and I’m finally going back to school. My life isn’t really a movie, it’s more like a book. And I just started a new chapter. The last chapter was fuckin’ emo. Feb 13, 2008 7:06 pm - C/P 0* Feb 14, 2008 1:07 am - I just hope that when I die my carcass makes good fertiliser. Gill Feb 14, 2008 7:12 am - It will.. No doubt.

Mar 04, 2006 9:30 pm - 40 ozer’s and sublime... That’s what I’m sayin... Add a Reply -- REPLIES -- TecnoDes ructo Mar 05, 2006 1:40 am - 40ozs-to freedom Gill Mar 05, 2006 10:28 am - Thats what song I had on while I posted that.. haha.. Fun.. JelloBiafra Mar 05, 2006 4:48 pm - man I fucking hate 40 oz they taste like piss.. I’d rather take shots of wild turkey with no chaser than drink a 40. Weren’t you the same way before and b33r is just an aquired taste? Gil Mar 05, 2006 6:54 pm - Naw dude, I drink everything. Beer is an aquired taste though.. I’ve just been drinkin it for years, so I don’t really remember what I thought of it before I liked it, lol.

Feb 04, 2006 1:30 am - Dispel.. So I find myself thinking too much again. I’m always thinking too much though.. This time my minds all disarray, which isn’t un-usual. I just can’t seem to focus on anything that I am supposed to be doing. Soon enough I will be 18, and that means I’m gonna be moving out. But I wont be able to do that unless I get my shit together, and right now that seems to be what I am having the most trouble concentrating on. It all seems to happen so fast, doesn’t it? One day you can’t wait to get the fuck out, and the next you start realizing it’s going to be alot of work. It all seems so simple when you don’t have to worry about supporting yourself, but then you recognize the responsibility, and what you must do to get to that point. Sure.. I have a plan, but I am going to have to get myself straightened out before I can actually commence with that plan. I don’t know where to start. Education is important to me, but I also need a job. I do well in school.. but I work at my own pace, so I am falling behind. When I start working I know it will be my priority, and I will probably fall even further behind in school. So in the end it leaves me with two choices. Postpone moving out, and concentrate on school, or get my GED, a job, and work my way through community college to get my associates before I head off to a university. I really don’t know which would be in my best interest. Dropping out may be a set back, or it may help me advance quicker. All I know is that right now I dont know.. and it’s driving me insane. Not that I am really that sane to begin with, but I am less sane than usual. I don’t know if anybody could give me any good advice, but if you have any that you think may help.. then let me know. If not.. don’t bother. Add a Reply -- REPLIES -- TecnoDes ructo Feb 04, 2006 5:46 am - stay young at heart & dont get stuck doing something that you hate, find a job that you love @ psy hotron Feb 04, 2006 5:55 am - Yea do something you love.Something you enjoy getting out of bed for in the morning. As for school,I say stay at home for abit.Just untill school seems like its under control then you can move out and settle in to your home.Things should be fine. -BC- Feb 04, 2006 7:06 am - Dropping out wont let you advance in anything except poverty. Stay in school so you can get into some college to get some courses in something you like. Clegg Feb 04, 2006 12:35 pm - Im coming around to this point also.....But I allready have a plan for me so it doent bother me much. Maybe a good acid trip to find yourself would help...I dont really know dude..... Gill Feb 04, 2006 12:59 pm - lol.. well thanks for all the advice. I already know what I want to do in life. I have known for years.. and suprisingly I am still set on doing it. I am going to open my own Tattoo, body peircing, hairsalon, head shop, sex shop.. and I will call it Chaotica. So I suppose I will take the advice given and stay in school. I’m sure if I focus I will be done before I know it.. psychotron Feb 04, 2006 7:03 pm - Im definatly going there