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(315 votes) Published: Nov 21, 2005 2:45 a.m. In 3 Favorites Lists Viewed 1555 times
First... I want to say something. I made this egg because I’d hate to know what it’d feel like to give someone a gift and to get a not so enthusiastic response. This way you will be able to make a statement that says, "I Know what’s on your mind and you’re an asshole for not saying it. I’m sorry I’m a cheap bastard, but you’re still a dick for thinking it."
Thanksgiving is coming up and soon to be christmas. I’d be willng to bet alot of you are some broke-ass kids. Hey... I’m not laughing... I’ve been there myself.
What you want to do is get one of those thanksgiving/christmas tins with chocolates or cookies in them (most are decorated)
Put the cookies in a tupperware or something.
You’re going to also need a block of wax. You can pick this up at an art store and it will need to be enough to flil most of the tin. While you’re there... pick up a few wicks or rope.
Additionally... pinecones/acorns/plastic mistletoe, glue, and some ribbon will be required. Crazy glue is best. And some ground cinnamon.
Lastly, a handful of dog shit/hair (We’ll cover this in a second) will be necessary.
As mentioned before... cut the block of wax to fit inside and fill most of the tin.
Throw this in the oven and melt the wax. While this is melting...
Now... about the dog shit/hair... take the dog shit and cut it in chunks. If you prefer not to go anywhere near dog shit you can pick anything that just plain smells awful... if it spoils and reeks as it decays or burns its do-able.
When the wax is smoothed out... pull it out of the oven and mix "The Goods" into it. Make sure none of it is visible though. While it is still soft jam the wick down into it. Melt the wax in the oven again until it smoothes out (if necessary). It should only take a few minutes. Pull out the tin.
Sprinkle some of the ground cinnamon on the surface... enough to jazz up the wax a bit and give it a pleasant look. Take the glue and glue the pinecones and acorns to the side of the tin. Then take the plastic mistle toe and line the underneath of the rim with it. Now it looks like a ghetto ass candle... but hey you’re a broke kid and its the thought that counts. And you kinda made it look like its for the occaision coming up. But it still doesn’t change the fact that you know they’re thinking you’re a cheap prick. They’re gonna be nice anyway and light the candle. Nobody sits there and watches a candle burn... so it’ll go down like... they’ll say to you, "I’m gonna light the candle you made me now" and then they’ll light it and go do something else. While they’re doing something else (opening better presents/carrying on a conversation with someone who means more than you) the top layer of wax will melt and will soon expose "The Goods". The flame candle will slowly send an unpleasant aroma around. Happy Holidays!
Something you might want to take note of... make a big batch of these and give them to everyone in your family. Watch as one by one... they take your gift and force a smile and pretend to enjoy it. Watch the expression on their faces as they see you approaching them with what they know is going to be a huge disappointment. Getting nervous and planning out in their head what they’re going to do and say when you hand it to them. Figuring out how much pitch to put in their voice.I hate nothing more than people who are too cowardly to express what’s really on their mind. This is a good way to get even at those kind of people because usually these people will not tell you what they’re thinking... but what you want to hear. And in some situations... that can do more harm than help.
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