DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME : Rotteneggs.com text files and message bases are for INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. DO NOT undertake any project based upon any information obtained from this or any other web site.We are not responsible for, nor do we assume any liability for, damages resulting from the use of any information on this site.
(208 votes) Published: Jun 25, 2006 12:57 a.m. In 1 Favorites Lists Viewed 1168 times
My back has been hurting for like a week now.....
I was playing on the internet doing things that other people shouldn’t look at until I saw a sight. It was one of those fun cult sites which wants you to join and you gain the secret to immortality and all that good stuff/jazz. I looked at the address and lo and behold it was across the street from me. I looked out my window and I saw their building....hm..... don’t remember that being there. So I put on a chicken suit and decided to pay them a visit. I tried walking into the door but it was a hologram so I just went through it. On the other side was a huge, glowing, humming, levitating pickle of doom. So I walked up to it and said "Excuse me sir, but would you mind if I ate you with mashed taters and beans?" The weird pickle said "Why certaintly, why, I’ll even provide you with the taters and beans." So we had a nice long conversation as I ate him. On the last bit I thanked him and chewed him up. All of a sudden my feet turned to atomic bombs and blew up. I was dissintegrated into nothingness in a manner or nanoseconds. I ended up in hell. (Like I’d get into heaven.) So I’m like.... "Hey, am I in hell or purgatory?" A incubus walking by says "trust me, you’re in hell."
And this is why kids you should always go to church and pray every day. I started walking along the burning path past groups of people being tormented eternally for one sin or another. I walked by and saw and whole sections for popes. I walked over really confused. "Ummm.... guys? Why in the name of here are you here? Aren’t you guys all religiony and stuff?" And they told me that they had the whole conception of heaven wrong so they were thrown down here. Isn’t god understanding? So I keep on walking and I find a mountain dew tree. Only in hell I think as I rip one down and pop the cap. I take a sip and nearly vomit, but hey, I’m burning myself to a crisp in the fires of hell so a nauseating drink only adds to the experience. I keep on going until I see a big ziggurat made entirely out of skeletons. I run up to it and I oogle at it’s greatness. I walk up the steps made out of human bones...."ooooo.... crunchy." I reach the top and go into a chamber. In it on a throne sits the lord of darkness, a.k.a. Satan, Beelzebub, Lucifer, w/e other names you like. I walk up and poke him in the leg a couple of times. yes, mortal?" "hello Mr. Satan Sir, I was just wondering how did I get here? I don’t remember the way I died." So Satan gets up and says [/b]ah whatever, I’ll get the information for you. Ever since that mass killing of lawyers I’ve gotten a lot of managers so I have time to kill,rape,torment,fish, and do stuff with I like. So I think I can spare some time for you."[/b] I follow him as he goes into a room which strangely seems like an office complex. I ask a succibus which is walking with us what the office thing is. She told me that it was the hell for all people who work (worked) in offices. They work in the office for all eternity with no breaks. Doesn’t that suck? So we finally reach another door. We go through it and see a giant marble chamber. One that’s about as big a gym with huge columns of dark marble. At the end the room there’s a giant stone table. Also made from dark marble. On it is a computer and a tiny imp with a beard sitting and typing something. Satan and me walk up and Satan asks the imp to verify what was the cause of my death. The little imp asks my name and I give it to him. He types some stuff into the comp and waits for it to load. "Damn Linuxes..." he mutters under his breath. Finally after 30 minutes, (yes, the computers in hell are that slow)the cause of death pops up. The imp reads it out loud "This certain individual whose name is protected for legal purposes expired on June 23 2006 at approximately 3:00 PM. Cause of death: the indigestion of a random doom pickle. And Satan looks at me and starts cracking up. I ask what’s so funny and he explains to me that it was a practical joke of his to make random pickles which cause mass destruction when eaten. "Satan, you have waaaaaay too much time on your hands." "I know, I have eternity. Anyways, you seem like a nice guy so I’ll send you back but only under one condition..." "what?" [/b]"you’ll have to work for me for a certain period; you can choose to torment people’s eternal souls, be a reaper, or an incubis."[/b] (for those of you who don’t know a succubis is a female demon which has sex with guys and an incubis is the male equivalent.) "HELL YA I WANT TO BE AN INCUBIS!!!!" So Satan smiles and says "I thought you would..." he zaps me and gives me little devil horns and a pointy tail and those cool black wings which you can’t use to fly but just look cool. So I worked as an incubis for Satan for a while before I got back here.
If I get a good review for this I’ll do a story on how I was an incubis. ^_- you know you want me to.
Jun 25, 2006 9:43 am - wtf is going on in your mind? its like you have consumed a dose of every single goddamm drug known to man. i like it 5*
you have CHANCE
Jun 25, 2006 2:56 pm - Incredible story you should make books but make them like this very nice
five fucking stars way toi go man i mean fantastic i mena really wasoimee do you write books you would be a great authur great story five stars for your
Jun 26, 2006 2:12 pm - i neang reat great muther fuckin job i meanr eally mutehr fukin job
Jun 28, 2006 2:50 pm - PLease make the story!!!!!!!!!!
Edit Page
Message WiccanNinja
Add Comment
Add to Favorites
Email to Friend
