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(115 votes) Published: Jul 20, 2006 12:20 a.m. In 3 Favorites Lists Viewed 669 times
Now, I know this is copy paste (but I revised a few things) so dont even rate it down because the henrysteele4 who originally posted it IS ME! I just thought this egg deserved a second chance because my hate for midgets is gone and I think people got hung up on the part about "Midgets, FUCK you all.". So here’s the egg re-run with zero hatred, understand this is just a dumb thing that me and my friends started talking about a few years back at 2 in the morning.
Me and my friends always hated this bitch midget she always went off on us but I have gotten over my hatred for all midgets, although I still hate her, I might have lost my girlfriend because of this slut. Anyway, onto the guide.
What you need-
1. Aprx. 100-500 acres of land in a secluded place, hopefully where the feds won’t come a runnin’. Me and my friends are starting one in Mexico where nobody cares (j/k). Anyway, you might want to populate the outside area with something that makes it not look so much like a midget farm. Be creative!
2. Some guards and friends to run it with you. I prefer someone who can operate a sniper or tranquilizer rifle to help with you to guard for your first 20 midgets. After that you need to start hiring about 1 more person per shift every 10 more midgets.
3. A crop! Whatever you want to sell as your product. They can be black market products such as midgets themselves, cocaine, marijuana, opium, whatever. You can also sell legal products but not as much profit and greater risk of midget enslavement being revealed because there will be checkups and inspections- my advice is if you’re going to be enslaving midgets go illegal all the way.
4. A building to house your midgets. Some aluminum barracks style buildings with some homebrew cots inside would be nice. Include some kitchens or something of the sort to feed your midgets- you don’t need much or anything expensive, you don’t even need prison-level food. Just something to stave off the spasms of hunger so they can pick your coca leaves or acorns or whatever.
5. If you’re going to make an actual crop not produce midgets then you will need farming equipment. Some crappy tractors or tills, some stuff that will keep casualties to a low. One a month streaks at the worst. You can’t have your farm if they all die.
6. Some funding for the whole thing to pay for it until you’ve made enough of a product to start paying for your overhead. Probably $25-50 thousand.
Now for the finer details...
SECURITY-
I mentioned snipers before. This is a good idea. But load 2 stun rounds (Simmunitions) in the start of the magazine of, say, an AR-15 with a good scope, I recommend a thermal, and you’ll only need one sniper for your first 20 midgets. Perimeter control is also important. Midgets are small and hard to see so you’ll need a fence or something like that. Once you make some money or you get the time wire a minefield. Make only one road that doesn’t go through the minefield. Make only your employees know which one that is but make several fake dirt roads that have mines planted. Boom midgets!! Also, you can try tattooing an easy to see color stripe or something so it will be hard for them to hide.
CARE OF YOUR MIDGETS-
Well not care, just making sure that not so many die that you can’t produce anything. They just need 2 meals a day, in between the regular breakfast time and lunch time and one meal between the regular lunch time and dinner time. Give them each a plain unsalted cracker before bed so their body is satisfied. The food doesn’t have to be good just buy a bulk pack of beef or something that will last you about 100 midgets worth for a year or two with an expiration date in 3 years and cook the same thing every day. You need to discipline them to get them into line but I do not recommend whips because dwarves will start to snatch them from your hands. Try beating them with batons. The rest is self explanatory.
OBTAINING MIDGETS-
You can find midgets in many places. A midget that has no family that you can kidnap is a good place to start for adult midgets. Try to even out the number of males and females so you get good breeding but tell them this: You don’t get pregnancy leave!! You can also adopt babies under 4.7 pounds at birth with an alias. If they turn out to be full grown you can teach them to help on the farm and will take over the farm when you die.
DISCIPLINE & EXTRA TIPS-
To create well rounded slaves you must work out a good punishment/reward program. Make punishments common and rewards a once in a year oppurtunity, the dicks will work hard. You need to whip them into shape to do things like harvesting in the correct fashion and processing your product. Some things you could try would be putting them on stilts for a day if they do a full year of good work. Then that night, give them a semi good meal but make sure they understand that they will never achieve being a normal person. Try to find a location in Mexico or some place that doesn’t take slavery too serious. Yes I know Mexico would take this deal pretty seriously but there is so much open space it’s easy to find a place that not many people will find. Keep deaths to a low! If you hate them, hold in your hatred, it isn’t good for business. Also, if you overbreed or lose some crops, you can find a crooked general or something and have him invite his snipers in for training and charge them to make up for your lost crops or if you’re low on midgets then you can have them do it for free. Just remember this- be creative and don’t become bound to these standards. Add on your own ideas and your farm might make you the next million or billionaire.
If you see any holes in this guide or anything I left out feel free to email me at fragman001@gmail.com and make suggestions. If you thought any areas were lacking in detail, please tell me I want my guide to be as complete as possible.
Please, take this in good humor and don’t be an ass it’s not like I really want anyone to start a midget farm like this.
Jul 20, 2006 12:26 am - cool when i last posted this all i got was "YOU RACIST"... It was difficult to explain to them that midgets are, in fact, not a race, but a genetic disorder.
Jul 20, 2006 12:53 am - this is awesome 5*...but yea you did forget one thing... no midget farm is complete without a few of these http://www.rotteneggs.com r3/show/se/186887.html lying around! lol yes the midget farm definately needs them. (lol if you liked the midget egg you’ll like the one i made. its another pointless egg made for the humor of reading it but a few retards took it serious and it ended up gettin dropped. i might repost it sometime)
ul 20, 2006 12:55 am - lol right on swanson dont ppl who think they’re like the world police and think something thats just dumb and written for humor just suck?
Jul 20, 2006 12:58 am - Hahahha funny funny funny. Retarded midgets? Don’t give em mattresses. Make them lie on steel springs. And only give them sheets, no blankets. And give them huge spotlights so if you want full production they can work well at night.
Jul 20, 2006 1:02 am - Congratulations! You have been randomly selected for a 5* test, courtesy
of REResources and your local Dodge dealers.
[This Member can not display images, they need to upgrade Member Level](15 votes)
+5* from REResources
[This Member can not display images, they need to upgrade Member Level](16 votes)
Jul 20, 2006 1:02 am - GOOD IDEA! im rating ur profile 5 just for that lol- OH i have an idea... if you have good ideas i’ll rate your profile accordingly =)
Jul 20, 2006 1:04 am - o thank you 5 stars person! but just so u kno the comment was directed to the person before that i wont rate some1 up just for rating the egg high lol
Jul 20, 2006 1:12 am - Oh, I just saw your comments. You can rate my profile a 0 for all I could care. It doesnt matter to me. Im here to have sex with old women. And dogs too.
Jul 20, 2006 1:34 am - lol this is awesome enough that i rated your profile a 5 too. oh and i just thought of another good idea... you can alter mynub cleaner and use it to clean and shine your produce (if you grow fruit and stuff) for max profit! one problem with this farm would be having the right level of imbredidness. you want them kind of imbred so they are too stupid to try and escape, but you want them non-imbred enough to still be able to fully function. i would say let them breed themselves until they are just barely too stupid to try to leave, and then force all the males to casterate each other (so you dont got to do it....nasty) and then start using bull semen (ebay?) to artificially enseminate the females. the bull semen would eliminate worse imbreeding (make sure its a different bull each time) and also make them alot stronger coz they would be like part bull, part midget. if the bull semen and artificial insemination tools are too expensive you could always send burnvictim an email asking him to come to your farm for the nessesery time during the breeding season (bigj900@hotmail.com, go ahead and add him on msn and ask him lol just dont say anything about swanson). he is kinda short too so if you use bulls for too long he might restore some shortness to the midgets. oh and for an added bonus, you can force a midget to video tape themselves casterating one another and then sell the video to hbo or something...and no dont watch it yourself you sick sedistic faggot. yea thats about all i got.
Jul 20, 2006 1:41 am - dude guys guess what i just H4x0red rotteneggs and my special h4x0r1z1ng program tells me the exact longitude latitude cordinates of everyone who rates this low. my helicopter will then capture you and send you to xnarrowsoulx’s midget farm and you will be breeding midgets with burnvictim for etermity. so remember... if you rate low you will be breeding midgets on a midget farm for eternity.
Jul 20, 2006 1:46 am - oh and if you WANT to breed midgets for eternity dont rate it low so you can. you can just fill out an application and send it to xnarrowsoulx and he will decide if you are a legitimate migit breeder. if your not legitimate dont worry, you can still bang his midgets as long as you either bang male midgets only or use a rubber.
Jul 20, 2006 1:54 am - lol thats great and you know what I wonder if i could genetically engineer fruits to be bred with marijuana. then you could grow weed but ur midgets wouldnt smoke it if you fail to successfully retardate them lol i dont even kno if thats a word
Jul 20, 2006 2:20 am - yea you can do that it really works...i have only done it with pineapple trees though. what you do is poke a hole in the end of a super strength magnum sized glow in the dark condom. now put the rubber over a baby marijuana plant so the marijuana grows into a penis shape. it has to be a glow in the dark condom so it absorbs the suns energy and feeds the marijuana plant with the sun’s rays faster. make sure its NOT a lubricated condom. lubricated condoms have an oily coating that would repel the suns rays instead of absorbing them. for watering it, crush up 4 viagra pills and mix with 1 pint water. the plant will require 2 half pint servings each day. now find a pineapple tree and put shower cutains all around it so nobody can see in and ruin the "intimate moment" because remember, the marijuana will be lacking self confidence for its first time even with the viagra. find a nice juicy pineapple and drill a hole in the bottom and sand the pineapple around the hole so its nice and smooth. now place a heatlamp on it for approx. 2 hours so its nice and warm inside. now apply liberal amounts of vaseline. now just turn the lights down dim, lite up a couple candles, play some smooth romantic music, and scater open porno mags all around on the ground. just pick the weiner shaped marijuana and lay it on a branch near the prepared pineapple. leave the curtains and let them "go to town". dont disrupt them until the next day. just take down all the shower curtains and seal up the pineapple with organic silicon. if they still havent invented organic silicon when you do this, you can always use poop. wait 9 months, cut open the pineapple, and plant the seeds inside it. the seeds will grow trees that will grow "special" pineapple. yup thats how ya do it.
Ju 20, 2006 2:59 am - well yea i guess your right. you prly could use the psychologist to have daily meatings with the marijuana plant so it can gain more self confidence. but only do that if you dont have enough shower curtains. dont just go to walmart and buy 10 shower curtains, because if the person at the register has any signs of a brain at all, they will easily figure out what your doing and the next day, what do ya know the damn register person ratted you out and you got the mrpa (midget rights protection agency) at your doorstep and your busted. if you MUST buy the shower curtains, buy them one at a time over a period of about 5 months. make sure you use the self checkout every time too. but remember, its still a very risky move to buy the shower curtains.i’d go with the phsycologist to be on the safe side.
Jul 20, 2006 3:18 am - 5*
while this isnt ACTUALLY useful in the least its just damn funny
midgets are gods little punchlines
you get a cookie if you can tell me what that line is from
Jul 20, 2006 8:53 am - midgets could be violent.there’s this one midget that’s always beating the fuck outta guys twice his size.....great shit.Your gonna need higher security on your midget farm.
Jul 21, 2006 4:47 pm - I’m not taking this too seriously, I just thought it would be interesting to point out that my cousin is a midget.
He made a rubber band gun and shot me with it, so now I’m making a gauss gun to shoot him with.
3*
Jul 22, 2006 2:34 am - once every 6ix weeks get all the dude midgets to donate sperm that way u have a backup if they die before having kids also you can expose them to expriments to make super midgets! but make sure they obey you.
Jul 23, 2006 2:44 am - does any1 realize that the ads that show up on the side are hs diploma, sex appeal?, attract women, interracial sex, and FIND A FUCK BUDDY! ???? or is it just my page
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