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(94 votes) Published: Oct 21, 2006 11:15 a.m. In 2 Favorites Lists Viewed 283 times
Chuck norris facts!!! the funnier ones anyway....and yea i c/p do you really think i would type all this
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.
Chuck Norris’ dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
Chuck Norris’ wristwatch has no numbers on it. It just says, "Time to kick ass."
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it’s fucking beef.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
The only thing Mr. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris can agree on is that Tom Cruise is a faggot.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.
Chuck Norris once killed a bird by throwing it off a cliff.
The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn’t kill you in your sleep.
Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
The phrase, "You are what you eat" cannot be true based on the amount of pussy Chuck Norris eats.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn’t real, it’s when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn’t dodge Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.
The only reason Chuck Norris didn’t win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That’s just suicide.
Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.
There are no weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq. Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can’t lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don’t kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in magic.
When Superman squeezes a lump of coal, he creates a diamond. When Chuck Norris squeezes a lump of coal, he creates an African child to work in his diamond mines.
Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
It is impossible to be raped by Chuck Norris because that would mean you did not want it to happen.
Elvis left the building because Chuck Norris showed up and told him to get the fuck out.
The most honorable way of dying is taking a bullet for Chuck Norris. This amuses Chuck Norris because he is bulletproof.
Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck’s nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has two testicles; either he was able to produce a new one simply by flexing, or he had three to begin with. No one knows for sure.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris’ action figure has slept with more women then most men.
Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.
A unicorn once kicked Chuck Norris. That is why they no longer exist.
Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.
Chuck Norris doesn’t play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don’t-find-you."
Oct 21, 2006 11:43 am - LOL im not gay...i dont see how this makes me gay tho i just thought these were funy and its something that kept me entertaind doing it
Oct 21, 2006 2:31 pm - haha great egg,Tyla 5* I accually havent heard like 10 of these and thats impressive.But you left out my 2 favorates!Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
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