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(186 votes) Published: Mar 08, 2007 5:03 p.m. In 3 Favorites Lists Viewed 1259 times
I’ve worked at restaurant, repossessions, and at a dump with my uncle for a few weeks and sour milk is still the nastiest damn thing I’ve ever smelled. I’ve been working the past few weeks with it to see what sort of nasty shit I can do with it. Now lets begin:
THE MILK AND THE SMELL The kind of milk you use effects the smell. Heres a short little bit with info on the milks scent, rated on a scale of 1-5
Skim milk: Sour milk smell. Thats where the term comes from really. 2/5 rank
Whole milk: Like skim but much stronger and thicker. 4/5 rank
Strawberry milk: Smells like really nasty parmesan cheese. Really strong up front but not as bad when its just leaking. 3/5 rank
Chocolate milk: Mother of FUCK when you let this sit it gets bad. Its like whole milk but its got a richer, more potent smell with a hint of chocolate asscrack. 5/5 and a holy-shit rank
AGING Now to get the milk to stink you need to of course, age it. I recommend any small, dark, warm area(I’ve been using my school locker). If you leave it in the sun the smell leaks and if you leave it in an open area if the smell does leak then your plans are screwed for another few weeks. You want to leave about
that much in the bottle. Now the longer you age it the stronger the smell will be but you don’t want to age it to the point that a leak is caused. I recommend about 2 weeks with the lid closed tight taped shut. If you don’t want to wait 2 weeks wait until it curdles and sticks to the sides. Your milk has then moved into the process of turning itself into cheese naturally.
PLACES/THINGS TO DO Ceiling tiles: My milk testing started for this purpose and it has come out rather well. With this you can either pre-age the milk or stick it up there fresh. Now I choose fresh chocolate milk in the main commons bathroom at my school. I stuck it up in the ceiling tiles over the handicapped stall near a vent(no piping, just a vent in the ceiling). It tipped so some of the milk spilled out of the vent but no big deal because it’s soaked into the tiles. The stall itself is starting to get that "aroma" so by next week Wednesday I’m sure it will be rancid. Make sure you place it by a vent or leave a crack in the tiling because the scent isn’t going to cut through it. When the janitors go up there for some reason though they’ll get a facefull
In the open: I left a large strawberry bottle in the bathroom near my locker because the smell started to leak some. Now I stuck it in there and opened it in the stall furthest back before 4th hour. When I got back up there after 5th hour about 2 hours later the entire bathroom stunk of it and the stall was unbearable. It was discovered and the bathroom was sanitized by next Monday but it good for a short little fun. Try under a desk or table or something to make it harder to get at.
Car: Warm, small area = fast smell spread. It gets into the upholstery which is damn hard to get out and you can’t really just leave your car and use another one. This is a good revenge, get in, toss a bottle, and get out.
Under bed sheets: Now I know your thinking "But Slash, wont they notice a bottle sticking out of their sheets? If you remember from earlier, the milk curdles. You take that and you sprinkle it under their bed sheets on the mattress. No scent is going away there.
Hidden in food: This is just fucking nasty but sprinkle it in some food or other milk. Something like a sammich so they won’t smell it right away and they don’t know until its in their mouth.
UNTESTED
Yeast? I was told that it would make it smell worse faster. Haven’t gotten around to testing.
Burn bomb? Wrap it up in a napkin, light it, and toss it? Brings out a small bust of extra bad smell?
Exploding bag? A summertime one I really want to test. Fill a ziploc full of it and leave it outside. An opossum on the property of a restaurant my dad used to work at was left out in the sun to long and it exploded(true story) so I want to see what happens with milk. Leave it on a pouch or something, it will at least get really smelly really fast.
Now one last thing, DO NOT SMELL THE MILK YOURSELF. Seriously, I thought I had a pretty high tolerance for bad smells but right up close, it still makes me gag and taste puke. This is meant for other people to suffer with, not yourself. When I first left a bottle of strawberry in my locker too long accidentally and I first smelled it I was smelling it for hours even after I changed cloths and showered. So if your just a bit cautious with this, its a pretty fun thing to fuck around with.
Mar 08, 2007 8:31 pm - I know, I made my own stink bombs a couple of times. There is absolutely no way to go to the bathroom after. It’s not only stinky, it’s making people almost sick. Now I have a small bottle of water (~500ml) ready for use.
Mar 09, 2007 10:25 am - Well I made some with mostly milk, an egg and piss and a lil shit. Yes Shit. After a week my brother almost puked. After two weeks he did. I left it alone in an extremly tough small bottle, with a lid that is a bitch to get off. After about 6.5 weeks it burst open and a little bit, about the width of a pencil soaked into a peice of like 4mm cardboard. It was in like a 20ft x 12ft room. It stunk for ages. Lukily it was an unused room.
Mar 09, 2007 2:07 pm - Sounds bad, but I would like to do what Tripp did and dump a cup of shit milk into someones pack. 5* because of the smell rating alone!
Mar 09, 2007 4:12 pm - sour milk may be bad, but 2 week old rotten chicken meat that bin thawed and refrozen 10 times is something else, and i should know, i use chicken meat as fishing bait, the smell was so bad i literally almost fainted and fell over the dock and into the the ocean. anyways, 5*****
Mar 09, 2007 4:49 pm - yeah a kid in my school had chocolate milk in his backback for MONTHS and opened it and it spilled all in his backpack....it was pretty fucking gross so five*
Mar 09, 2007 5:21 pm - glass bottle How bad would it be if you put it in a glass bottle, corked it and used caulk (or something similar) to tightly secure the cork in there and let it sit sooo long it exploded!
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