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(33 votes) Published: Jun 19, 2003 12:00 a.m. In 1 Favorites Lists Viewed 322 times
okay you hillbilly rancid monkeys, iv’e got some #*@! you
can do.
AT THE MALL:
#1:set up a booth and give out special cookies with special
treets in em. (preferably Ex-Lax, poop, coke, bud, you know.)
#2: dress up like a manikin at a store and scream when idiots pass by
#3: At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH
#4: Stare at static on a display TV and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the "hidden picture".
#5: Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone.
MISC:
#6: Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de FART
#7: Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.
#8: Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.
#9: Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will "give you a really wicked buzz".
#10: If it’s Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on your lap.
AT THE MOVIES:
Wear a top hat.
Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It’s snowing!"
Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.
Clap when the good guy gets killed.
Make a noise like your passing gas and go, "Ahhh..."
Starting wheezing and ask the person next to you if you can have some Juicy Fruits for you asthma.
During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"
Whenever the badguy is doing something devoius, say, " Watch out!"
Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
Tell the man selling popcorn that the girls bathroom is flooding.
Yell out what is going to happen.
Tell the man next to you that you have diarrhea and wink while smiling.
Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I’m Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.
Yell, "Fire!" and moon the people coming through the exit.
Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.
Yell outloud, "Stop molesting me!"
Wear a watch that beeps.
Ask visiting filmmakers stupid questions.
Hiss, to show how superior and politically correct they are.
Don’t bathe always sit in the best seats.
IN AN ELAVATOR:
1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, da*mit, all of you just shut UP!"
4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It’s a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
MISC:
1.Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2.In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3.Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4.Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
5.If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6.Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7.Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8.Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9.Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
10.Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
11.Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12.Sniffle incessantly.
13.Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14.Name your dog "Dog."
15.Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16.Reply to everything someone says with "that’s what YOU think."
17.Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18.Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
19.Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20.Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
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