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Message Desdemona
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Aug 03, 2007 7:31 pm - My neighbors are anal about their yards
Hi. I’m a newbie here, so say hi :)

Here’s my prob: I have the most mean-spirited neighbors anyone could ever NOT want to have living around them. They think they are upwardly-mobile and that this is an elite neighborhood. In reality, it is a poor-man’s crappy-ass suburban slum. But, I digress. My neighbors have NEVER welcomed me or my two kids here. They treat us like pariahs, just ’cause we’re musicians and we’re cool and different and they are just conforming nobodys.

The majority of the women are back-stabbing gossips who do nothing useful. They make their (fat) husbands do all the yardwork, while they (the bitchy wives from hell) sit on their lazy asses and order them around and point at stuff to do. You know the type.

Their husbands aren’t much better. They obsess over their stupid lawns! They’re either wedging their fat asses on their riding-mowers or chem-lawning the shit out of their lawns, poisoning and killing everything that is not a blade of grass (i.e., grubs, bugs, butterflies, prolly birds). Since my house is at the bottom of the hill in this dinky-ass subdivision, I get all that polluted run-off.

I, on the other hand, have a bunch of really nice wild-flower and perennial gardens. I’ve got almost an acre of lawn (which I’d love to roto-till). I’m piss-poor and so, I just have a rusty old push mower. It’s a gas-powered one, but it doesn’t have any forward drive, and it’s always breaking down.

I’ve been reading some of the posts on here about neighbor revenge. Some of these are really good and hilarious. I sure need a laugh ’cause a couple days ago, one of the neighbor ’ladies’ left a nasty message on my answering machine bitching about my property saying she and the neighbors think it’s an ’eyesore’ (it’s not) and instructing me to take some ’initiative.’ She’s an f**ing coward ’cause she didn’t leave her name or phone number. So, yesterday when the temps were approaching 100 degrees, I get this lovely registered letter from the town saying there’s been a complaint about me. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy to get that.

My prank is just this: Tomorrow, when all the neighbors and their bastard offspring are gleefully screaming and splashing around in their ugly swimming pools, I’m gonna be a good neighbor and mow my lawn. Just me and my 115 lb frame. In my skimpy leopard-print bikini. I figure I’ll do my part to: (a) educate those indolent bitches on how to do actual physical work, and (b) show their cowed husbands what a beautiful woman with an actual figure looks like. It’s supposed to be a scorcher, so I’ll be sure to take frequent breaks and cool myself off with the garden hose. It’ll be refreshing...

I welcome any creative suggestions on how to get even with these useless pieces of crap.

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-- REPLIES --

aLL_MuST DiE
 Aug 03, 2007 11:19 pm -
salt there yards and complain that there husbands take to much care of their lawns and killed their own grass

aLL_MuST_DiE
 Aug 03, 2007 11:20 pm -
or the one above me

aLL_MuST_DiE
 Aug 03, 2007 11:22 pm -
salt is probably cheaper though and isnt gonna give off a smell, and wont risk burning down a house

Froggie
 Aug 04, 2007 12:06 pm -
Buy something with Ammonia Nitrate in it, and spread it on their grass. Then, put water on it. It breaks down, and kills their grass.
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