A phony phone call prank that nearly backfired!
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(31 votes)
Published: Jan 31, 2004 12:00 a.m.
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At my school, students were allowed to wander as they pleased during lunch, so long as they returned. A full-service grocery store was across the street. I sometimes used the public telephones at the store to make phony hotel reservations, and register complaints to the manufacturers of laundry detergent ("It gave me a RASH, you bastards!"). One day, my friend and I decided to tag-team the national child abuse hotline. My friend dialed, and did most of the talking.
Operator (female): Where are you calling from?
Friend: Bergstrom Air Force Base.
Operator: And why are you calling?
Friend: It’s about my dad.
Operator: What about your dad?
Friend: He fuxxors me in the a$$!
(none of the information my friend provided was true)
Operator: And how old are you?
Friend: Ten!
Operator: You sound really old to be ten!
Friend: I’m ten, all right?
Operator: Why do you think your father does that to you?
Friend: Because you’re a bytch!
Operator: Because WHAT?
Friend: Because you’re a BYTCH!
Operator (sarcasm): Gee, thanks!
Friend: My brother is here with me, and he saw the whole thing! Would you like to talk to him?
Operator: Sure.
He hands the receiver to me. I was choking back laughter, so the only way I could stop myself from laughing was to pretend to be a stereotypical burnout.
H-Dogg: Uh, hello?
Operator: Is that other guy your brother?
H-Dogg (stuttering): Yeah, that’s that’s that’s m-m-my brother all right. (belching softly)
Operator: How old are you?
H-Dogg: Ten!
Operator: You sound REALLY old to be ten!
H-Dogg: Uh.., I’m eleven, he’s ten.
Operator (pausing): Could you put the other guy back on the phone?
I handed the receiver back to my friend. As the operator spoke, the expression on his face changed from curiousity to uproarious laughter, and he hung up the receiver. He told me to run back to school with him, and we ran as fast as we could.
The operator told him he was calling from a public phone. He wasn’t at Bergstrom AFB, he was at Skaggs Alpha Beta. She rattled off the mailing address of Skaggs Alpha Beta to prove her point. Her parting shot was, "Don’t go anywhere, the police will be there in a minute." We didn’t wait outside the school to see if the police did, in fact, decide to investigate, but we wondered how the operator traced us down.
Years later, my friend has spent much of his adult life in and out of jail, doing time for armed robbery, drunken driving, and other offenses. Bergstrom Air Force Base is known today as Austin Bergstrom International Airport, one of only three "new" airports in the US. The Skaggs Alpha Beta chain was swallowed by another corporate benefactor, and that particular store was closed in about 1997, and has sat empty ever since. I’d be surprised if my school still allows students to roam the city during lunch, particularly after the deaths of several students in motor vehicle accidents. And as for me, I’m here to warn you that public telephones do not provide the anonymity you might require for phony phone calls, particularly to numbers that people sometimes call to report crimes. |
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