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(94 votes) Published: Aug 31, 2007 7:50 p.m. Viewed 589 times
Alright. So if you clicked this egg you are either:
1. Interested in piracy and/or living the life of a pirate.
2. You just wanna earn a few egg points and flame me for bringing up a topic as stupid as pirates (the opinion of most of you...people).
3. Your bored out of your motherfucking mind and just wanna read an organzied, well thoughtout guide to living a pirates life that doesn’t suck ass like every other pirate-based egg on this little website we got here.
If your here for either options 1 or 3, I promise you won’t be disapointed. If your here for 2, I’de recommend you haul your ass right out of here before I do...something that will be very unpleasant and uncomfortable to you and your mental state of mind but cannot think of anything specific at this very moment.
ON WITH THE EGG!
1. A Brief Or Not So Brief History Of Piracy
To keep it short, the act of Piracy began WAY back in Ancient-Like times. The oldest record of piracy was believed to be in the 13th century BC, Aegean area (near Greece for those of you that don’t know). Pretty much all the coasts in that area were threatened by plunderers, thieves, and bandits that we’ve come to know and love as Pirates. These guys were so good that they even threatened the entire economy of that area @_@. This went on for a few centuries and blah, blah, blah. I don’t wanna give a boring lecture here.
A later, more radical form of Pirates began in Medieval Europe. Helmets with horns? Scandinavian origins? Fucking, stealing, and burning? If you haven’t guessed it by now, they were Vikings.
Not many people think this, but Vikings too are considered as Pirates. They do pretty much the same things except they fuck things and pilage a hell of alot more. But aside from the ignorance, Vikings were more of a skilled, warrior type of Pirate than a scallywag, sailor type of Pirate. You get the difference.
So. Pretty much the same shit went on for a few centuries and yada, yada, yada. The only real change was that piracy spread all throughout the world. From North Africa to Eastern Asia, there were more pirates in the world than Chin’s in a chinese phone book. But when colonial spreading began, things began to get interesting. From around the 1560s to the 1760s, Pirates terrorized the coasts of the Caribbean. Oh da cocanat wata, mon! And all da rum you con drink, mon! Yes, this is the place and era where the famous rum drinking, riot starting, and just plain fun to be around Pirates originated. My favorite Pirates, The Pirates of The Caribbean (ala Johnny Depp).
One of the most famous places that any wanna-be Pirate should know of was Tortuga. If every place in the world was like Tortuga, no man would feel left out. The bar fights. The dirty whores. And all the rum you could drink! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT PEOPLE!!??!!??!!?? Oh yeah, it was established in the 1640s, by the way. A Pirate gots to know his history.
Alright, now that you know your Pirate History, its time that you start becoming one. A word of warning, it takes a certain breed to become a Pirate. In my opinion, few can become a Pirate out of nothing. You must be born Pirate to know and be what a Pirate is.
2a. What is a Pirate?
For those of you that haven’t figured it out yet, lets just see what a Pirate is, shall we? We pilage. We raid. We plunder. We drink rum ’till we’re down for the count. Basic shit for being a Pirate, right? But what’s behind that? Being a Pirate means being free. Your free to do what you want. Your free to take what you want. Your free to be what you want. That is ofcourse unless you sail under a crappy captain. In that case your like 50% free or some shit. Anyway, what a Pirate is; what a Pirate’s ship is: is freedom. AND DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE!
For those of you that now understand what it takes to be a Pirate and what you need to be a Pirate; take it to the streets. Bring the old ways of Piracy into the modern-era. I’ll see you out there. And remember to give me 25% of your plunder for helping you out ;).
And for those of you who have no clue as to what in the god damn world you have to do to bring something as old is this Traditional Piracy to the modern-day streets, I’ll be spoon-feeding you that shit in the next installment of this egg.
Hope you enjoyed my egg on Piracy and remember: Rate high, and if you don’t, post why.
Note: I’ll be making part 2 of this egg soon (unless I forget).
Aug 31, 2007 7:56 pm - Just an added note; in the next part I’ll be including everything Piracy from stealing and pickpocketing people to bootlegging stuff and such. So don’t get all judgy yet.
Just an added note; in the next part I’ll be including everything Piracy from stealing and pickpocketing people to bootlegging stuff and such. So don’t get all judgy yet.
Sep 01, 2007 2:55 pm - the pirates of the Caribbean movies piss me off, that is not anything like pirates.
well written though, with a few "your" and "you’re" issues, but good.
4.
Sep 03, 2007 2:17 am - "Piracy" and living the life of one - doesn’ make sense. You should use the work Pirate not Piracy which refers to actually copying copyrighted material and illegally distributing them.
I was confused until the end on what the fuck you were talking about. Unless you’ve got a big ol’ boat and some stupid people to conform to your way of life, becoming a pirate isn’t working.
Sep 17, 2007 7:03 pm - Yo ChocTop, I know. I ment to write a different title but I fucked it up and left Piracey by accident and yada yada. Long story. As for all the boat crap, it isn’t written in stone that a pirate gots to have a ship ;). Especially one in 2007. Keep that in mind.
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