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(86 votes) Published: Sep 24, 2007 1:51 p.m. In 2 Favorites Lists Viewed 611 times
Ok I hop you like these!
1.A guy was taking a new bus route for the first time. He sat down and watched as a woman got on the bus. When the driver looked at her, she took her right hand and put her thumb on her forehead and waved her fingers at the driver.
The driver then took both of his hands and put the thumb of his right hand on his forehead and the thumb of his left hand on his right hand and he waved all of his fingers at the woman.
The woman then took her right arm, extended it, and ran her left hand up her arm. The driver, in response, extended his right arm and ran his left hand down his arm.
The lady then proceeded to grab her right breast.
The driver reached down and grabbed his crotch.
The lady turned away from the driver, grabbed her butt and got off the bus. The man was amazed at this. When he got to his stop, he asked the driver about the lady.
"What did that lady and you say to each other a couple of stops back?" he asked.
The driver replied, "Oh, the deaf woman? It’s very simple. I told her that the fare was 10 cents. She asked if I was going uptown. I told her that I was going downtown. She then asked me if I was going by the dairy. I said that I was going by the ballpark. She replied, ’Oh, shit! I’m on the wrong bus!’"
2.A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night, and led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. One of the guests asked, "What’s that big brass gong?"
"It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yep," replied the drunk. "How’s it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave it an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You moron, it’s ten past three in the morning!
3.There was an argument one day in class between the teacher and her student Veronica.
Veronica said that whales can swallow humans.
The teacher said they couldn’t.
The teacher explained that even though whales are humongous creatures, there throat is very small.
Veronica said "What about Jonah? From the bible, you know? He was swallowed!"
Once again the teacher said annoyed, "It’s physically impossible!"
So Veronica replied "Then when I go to heaven I’m gonna ask Jonah himself!"
So the teacher asks, "What if he goes to hell?"
So Veronica answers, "You ask him!"
4.Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s.
Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.
Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage.
Burglarize: What a crook sees with.
Control: A short, ugly inmate.
Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Eclipse: what an English barber does for a living.
Eyedropper: a clumsy ophthalmologist.
Heroes: what a guy in a boat does.
Left Bank: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
Misty: How golfers create divots.
Paradox: two physicians.
Parasites: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Pharmacist: a helper on the farm.
Polarize: what penguins see with.
Primate: removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Relief: what trees do in the spring.
5.What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick?
Fucks funny!
6.What is the first symptom of aids?
A heavy pounding in the rectum.
7.What’s the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon; Michael Jackson fucks little boys.
8.Who makes more money, a prostitute or a drug dealer???
A prostitute. Because she can wash her crack and sell it again.
9.How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
10.How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
11.Why are women like laxatives?
They irritate the shit out of you.
12.What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?
Kick her in the ass!!
13.What’s the difference between a prostitute and a lawyer?
The prostitute stops screwing you after you’re dead.
14.How did Bill Gates name his company?
He looked down his pants.
15.These muffins are in an oven. One muffin looks at the other and says, "Hot enough for ya?"
The other muffin replies, "OH MY GOD a talking muffin!!"
16.What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink
17.Why are women like department stores?
Their clothes should always be half off
18.How is a woman like a used car?
Both are easy to get, cheap and unreliable
19.Why is food better than men?
You don’t have to wait an hour for seconds!
20.Q: What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
Sep 26, 2007 9:13 am - I didn’t read it, though i read the comments. I’m going to hold my vote until somone has proof it’s C/P. Until then, dont make accusations without back up.
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