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(157 votes) Published: Oct 29, 2007 5:57 a.m. In 2 Favorites Lists Viewed 1631 times
The meaning of life is to produce offspring (so sayeth the bible) so heres a guide to making them. Be aware that until you’re 18, youre under no obligation to fulfill lifes purpose. If you’re over 18 and you die without leaving your seed on the earth, god is going to be quite pissed and you probably wont get into heaven, instead having to settle for hindu heaven or even jew heaven. Dont worry, he wont be pissed enough to send you to black heaven.
What you need (assuming your a man):
A woman (see below)
Genitals
Time (9 months should suffice)
What you do:
First find your woman. What is a woman? i hear you ask. A woman is someone who has opposite and complementary genitals to your own. Depending on where you come from, women will look different. For example, in america, women will normally look like this:
In europe women will always look like this:
Be aware that much like cars, women will come in various colours rather than the 2 shown above, and like cars, european is always better.
There are other factors involved in choosing your woman, such as age. Ideally you should find one between 18 and 35. Younger than this and you’l be arrested, older than this and its disgusting, as well as less likely to work. Having found a woman of the right age, identify whether or not she is fertile. Find your own way to do that.
Now assuming you have identified a woman, you will need to convince her to bear your children. Unfortunately this is easier said than done. Money or chloroform are good ways, but better yet is several days of talking, alcohol and whatnot. With any luck, if you havent spooked her, she will consent to engaging in the reproductive act.
Now for the reproductive act itself. You will need to first of all prepare both the genitals. Your own can be made ready by looking at some porn, such as this but the female genitals require some more work. Watch the pr0nz for ideas on how to prepare the woman. Note: beware of condoms and other things you see in the porn, they are not your friends when trying to conceive.
You should know what to do yourself at this point. If not, ask your parents. Having placed your seed in a hot oven (37.5 degrees centigrade, gas mark 1) wait 9 months or until the baby is well risen and able to survive on its own. Remove from the woman (best let the hospital do this) and wash it off. Serve wrapped in a warm clean blanket, and give it a name. Now that your baby is named, alive, and pretty much independent, you can die quite happily in the knowledge that you have fulfilled your purpose in life. Relax, the woman can look after the baby on her own. Its also better for you this way, women change and can become quite vicious and nagging after giving birth, much like the common weasel.
Congratulations on making your first offspring, repeat as necessary or get a vasectomy.
Oct 29, 2007 9:40 am - Yeah, actually its a fact that Europe has hotter Gash than ’Merka. I’ve been to America(Las Vegas, New York, Reno, Brooklyn + Jacksonville)and Europe(Britain, France, Spain, Italy, Holland, Germany, Holland, Portugal, Czech Republic) and the Chicks are way hotter(and slimmer). In Europe we also have this thing called "Culture". All that said America has some pretty hot chicks, just not in the ratio that Europe does.
Oct 29, 2007 2:07 pm - European cars better like the woman? I tried riding one and it went to fast, it broke the shaft, and and the airbags are usually to small
Oct 29, 2007 3:28 pm - ya right like the women in europe are hoter its called a toothbrush you stupid brit
Quote:
Yeah, actually its a fact that Europe has hotter Gash than ’Merka. I’ve been to America(Las Vegas, New York, Reno, Brooklyn + Jacksonville)and Europe(Britain, France, Spain, Italy, Holland, Germany, Holland, Portugal, Czech Republic) and the Chicks are way hotter(and slimmer). In Europe we also have this thing called "Culture". All that said America has some pretty hot chicks, just not in the ratio that Europe does.
Quote:
I’ve been to America(Las Vegas, New York, Reno, Brooklyn + Jacksonville)
there lies the problem you went to the cities with all the fattass black hookers
Oct 29, 2007 3:43 pm - european cars are the best so long as you remember to swap out those stupid weak toothpick axles that have a tendency of snapping in two after you double the horsepower. I personally like Hungarian chicks and romanian chicks. The word Romanian gives me a boner just because of my girlfriend and her friends. But either way, this egg gets a 1* (im being very generous)
Oct 29, 2007 8:47 pm - I cant wait to leave America. Ihate living in this pile of pig shit we call a country. Unless it changes and we get a cool democrat president to take care of this fucked up system, then I’m leaving.
Nov 04, 2007 5:17 am - ^maybe eastern european women, if your looking for the hot european chicks please book the next flight to amsterdam or the spanish nudist beaches.
fuck you for the obvious pisstake on europe and good luck with your ban once a mod see’s those gross pics.
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