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(118 votes) Published: Nov 18, 2007 3:25 p.m. Viewed 778 times
Long Inter-state drives can be extremely boring when you have no traffic creativity. Simply getting trucks to honk their horns is amusing for 3 minutes until you learn that all of their horns sound the same and all of their middle fingers look the same.
When at a traffic light, sit through the entire red light revving your motor, and preparing to drag race. When the light actually turns green, drive extremely slow. Shift at 2,100 rpm and make the engine drone loudly in higher gears at low speeds. This pisses off other commuters who got excited and thought that you were gonna do a huge burnout and fly off the starting line.
Don’t let anyone cut in. If someone tries to pass you or cut in front of you, speed up and don’t let it happen. If they try to fall back and cut behind you, just slow down and act like this is your normal driving habit. Just yawn and look at your watch. Many times they will just pull up next to you, honk their horn and flip you off. You can either completely ignore them and continue on your commute happy as a clam, or you can look over to them and wave and act super excited to see them.
IF your car has a loud exhaust and you are commuting on the highway, drive around and search for an important business man talking on his cellphone. If his window is up, this is a plus. Cut out in front of him and you can either up-shift into a less torquey gear and let the engine drone loudly, or you can down-shift once or twice to make even more noise.
Before taking a long trip, print up tons of really scary pictures of demons, the girl from the exorcist, zombies and dead babies. When you drive past a family commuting, put the pictures up to the window while you pass by the children in the backseat. Children love to look out the windows while traveling. The babies in their child seats will most likely begin crying and start making a huge fuss. Take the picture out of your window while you pass by the parents. Just look over and wave to them or give a quick salute and drive away. The kids will never want to travel again and they will cry for the rest of the trip. Its rather funny.
If you have a group of friends following you while commuting somewhere and they are all in their cars, stop for every rest stop. Just do it for no apparent reason. They will get out and say "why are we stopping?" Tell them that you just need to make sure nobody needs to use the bathroom. Tell them "i gotta pee again". When you go inside, go to a Burger King, McDonald’s or Wendy’s and buy the biggest drink they have available and walk out the front door. Every time you go to the rest stops, buy the huge drink. You can just tell your friends that your throat gets really dry when you sing to opera on the commute. STOP FOR EVERY REST STOP AND USE THE BATHROOM.
Try to get elderly women to race you. They usually drive Ford Tauruses, Ford Escorts, Bonnevilles, Regals, Oldsmobile Cutlass Cieras, Ford Focuses, Toyota Camry’s and old Toyota Tercels. These cars are usually pretty easy to beat. It is also really funny when you see a really riced out car and just fly past them with a nice smile on your face.
THIS ONE CAN GET YOU STABBED. When you are behind someone in traffic and you are at an intersection, just sit there normally for the whole ride. Just as the light turns green and the driver is getting ready to take off, honk your horn a few times. They will look back and spaz out. Many times they will just take off. Just follow close behind them and do this for every light repeatedly. They will want to pull out their hair. This is great because it isn’t technically illegal and you can make someone else commit a crime. Many times they will leave the light early and speed off, or they will start road rage, but most commonly, they just fly through the lights and swerve lanes and try to lose you. This is a great way to get some normal everyday person pulled over for wreckless driving.
THIS ONE WILL GET YOU STABBED/Kung Fu’d.
When you see a black motorist, roll down your windows and scream "I SMELL FRIED CHICKEN!" or yell "OH YEAH! WATERMELON KOOL-AID". Sometimes they will laugh, sometimes they will pull out their GAT. I once yelled "OH NO YOU DI’NT BEYONCE’" to a black girl and her friends and she nearly shit herself laughing.
I usually yell "PORK FRIED RICE", "NUMBER FIVE", "PHOTO-PHOTO", "WANG CHUNG" or "TOSHIBA SUZUKI!!" to chinese/asian people. It is hilarious.
IF you pull up next to someone in a really nice car, just roll down your window and say to them "hey something is wrong with your car, it is making a weird noise" They will be like "uh what?, this is a Mercedes-Benz, there is nothing wrong with it". I usually then just say "I work at a Mercedes dealership and it sounds like your Mercedes-Benz is about to shit the bed". This usually gets them really concerned and they pull their car over and look it over. I had a guy get his car towed to a nearby shop because he thought that i heard a sound that he couldn’t hear.
This should give some inspiration for your next commute. Feel free to comment on any other ideas you think would be a great addition to this.
Nov 18, 2007 3:43 pm - I drove down I-95 which goes from Maine to Florida and the whole time i was just driving around fucking with other motorists. It made the commute a lot easier. I cut out in front of this business man in Virginia with his phone up to his ear and his window open, i down-shifted into 2nd gear and bounced the motor off the rev limiter right next to his window. My car has a semi-race exhaust that isn’t street legal because its too loud and has no catalytic converter and it had sidepipes at the time. My car backfired about 80 times in the course of 1/2 second and it was like BWAAGAGAGAGAGA!! GAAAHHH!! The dude was furious. He probably lost his job. The Vermont state troopers told me that i need to have a rear-exit exhaust. I swapped it back over to rear-exit flowmaster. I was like "cmon, i saw supertroopers, i thought you guys were cool"
No 18, 2007 3:53 pm - if you go to a dragstrip and listen to an import leave the starting line and hit the rev limiter in first gear, it makes a loud crackling sound and shoots Grenade-like bursts of fire out the screamer pipe under the car. For cars like volkswagens and toyotas that rev limit the motor through the ignition timing and not the fuel, they will still push tons of fuel into the cylinder but it wont ignite it. So when the engine hits the rev limiter, it fires the piston EVERY OTHER time but still shoots sparks and fuel through the exhaust. So when the unburnt fuel vapors hit the outside air, they ignite like a grenade and make a HUGE BANG. And if the rev limiter is set at 7200 rpm with a 4-cylinder motor than it will "misfire" 240 times per second and ignite a shitload of fuel in the exhaust.
usually in my car, when town cruising (i drive an evo 6 import. with custom dogbox and race clutch, so it sticks at high revs ). i like driving in 3rd, then double dropping into first.
the car revs up till the limiter kicks in, so its the cars like braaaaaaaaaagagagagagagag gagag tssss (dump valve hisses then). then rolling in 1st gear, cos teh dogbox makes butloads of noise in first.
on motorbikes its better. on mine i like pulling up near people and twat shaking (reving the hell out of it so the bike nudges forwards and shakes). and holding the rpm high in first gear. so its a droning noise louder than a car. lol
Nov 18, 2007 4:51 pm - this retard in a volvo S60 pulled up behind me and started riding my tail. I was in 4th gear rolling at 45 mph. I was like WTF? So i double-downed to 2nd with the clutch in while simultanously just tapping my brakes to make the brake lights flash on, he started to hit his brakes, i wasnt actually even slowing down. I revved it up to 7,000 rpm with the clutch in at 4500 in 2nd, dumped the clutch, it went BWWAAH! BWAGAGAGAGAGAGAG!!!! and i backfired about 13,124,621,722.2 times when i hit the rev limiter. My engine speed and tranny speed werent even matched, it just instantly matched itself and squealed the tires, i shifted through 2 gears until i was just hopping into 5th gear after hitting the rev limiter in 4th. I was doing about 110 mph. That musta been fun for him. One second he sees me hitting my brakes, so he slows down, and then the next second the 2 brake lights just blast into lightspeed out of his sight. I cant wait until i see him in school tomorrow.
ov 18, 2007 6:02 pm - keyword: modified civic. Your not idling at 7200 you idiot. If you cant hit the rev limiter with ease and your motor cant handle it than it obviously isnt modified. In the honda world, a modified civic is one with autozone hubcaps, cut springs and different stereo head unit knobs. Double downshifting really puts alot of stress on your tranny doenst it? You are a fucking retard. Double downshifting is like normal downshifting so long as you can rev match it. You probably fried your tranny because you tried to do it once from 5th gear to 3rd. It all depends on the difference in gear ratios and engine speed. Your tranny has a different speed from your engine. This is why you need a clutch. Your tranny is always hooked up to your wheels, your engine is not always hooked up to your tranny. Try this, drive your car down the highway in 5th gear and put the transmission into 1st gear. This proves that the tranny and engine speeds are different. Yeah my motor is completely stock. 2.8 VR6Turbo. Go back to the HondaTech forums and talk to everyone about neon washer nozzles. Im running 9.5:1 compression, solid motor mounts, race clutch, Techtonics lightweight flywheel, MSD ignition controllers to individual coils, extreme portn polish, 292 cams, T4 turbo with a screamer pipe out the bottom, 5 angle valve job, forged pistons, lightweight knife edged crank, lightweight underdrive and serpentine pulleys, no A/C, no P/S, engine microchip, dual 2.5" exhaust, neuspeed strut tower braces on the front and rear along with an autotech front subframe brace, short shifter, adjustable cam gears, ported turbo intake manifold, highflow injectors and fuel rail, full roll cage (not a honda half-cage), 4 wheel cross-drilled vented disk brakes and nice chrome valve stem caps. I guess my car is pretty stock. Ill meet up with you so i can race my stock mk2 against your oh so heavily modified honda civic. What are you running like 68 hp to the wheels? I have a problem with spinning the tires off the rim in 4th gear. Its gotten to the point where 540 whp doesnt feel a whole lot different from 500.
Nov 18, 2007 6:09 pm - the only way that hitting 7,000 rpm in a volkswagen would fry your piston rings is if you ran the engine extremely lean. And the only way that would happen is if... YOUR CAR IS NOT HEAVILY MODIFIED. That is what happens when your fuel enrichment system (F-22A, B16, B18) cannot handle pumping in the fuel for 7,000 rpm so it overheats and kills the piston rings. Ive havent had a problem and my oil pressure never drops, nothing goes wrong. Honda motors are rev limited through their fuel injection system. Therefore theres brief periods of time when the coil is still shooting a spark but there is no fuel being injected. That is why i would never use a honda as a racecar. That is why volkswagen rev limits through the ignition system so that you never run lean, you just have a 1/480th of a second misfire. The japanese obviously drank some bong water when they were designing everything VTEC. I had an H22 and i threw the car in the trash because any modification done to the motor was only felt at 6,000 rpm and nowhere else. Sure you can get 400 hp out of the motor, but its only from 5000rpm to 6000 and then its gone. Buy a volkswagen, 450 ft lbs of torque at 2000 rpm, 560 ft lbs of torque at 7,000 rpm. 400 hp at 2000 rpm, 540 hp at 7,000 rpm. I am a machinist, i build race motors, i dont need to hear some stupid spick who changes lightbulbs tell me about performance.
ov 18, 2007 6:23 pm - K20 doesnt put out 530 hp. The 1.8T vw motor has a k20 on it stock and it is a 20 valve 4 cylinder motor. It pushes 150 hp at 11 psi. So your trying to tell me that 20 psi puts out 530 hp out of a turbo that doesnt physically have a cubic feet per minute rate high enough to burn enough fuel to put out 530 hp? You need to stop smoking ecstacy. It doesnt matter whether that turbo is bolted on a b16, b18, h22, f22 or a learjet for that matter, it doesnt have the flow to allow 530 hp. I dont give a shit whether it is VTEC your full of shit. Your honda is probably 68 hp to the wheels, just like the rest of them who think their car is fast as shit. Diamond Racing pistons melt out like a motherfucker. You would be better off using potatoes cut in half with wrist pins attached to them than use those. The reason why gears are numbered is so retards like you will know that 2nd gear comes after 1st. Downshifting 4th to 2nd is perfectly fine so long as you arent at 7000 rpm in 4th when you do it. If you can rev match correctly than your motor mounts will be fine, your clutch wont burn out, your transmission and synchros will be fine and your not gonna blow out piston rings. The reason why you think you know everything is because you go to NOPI nationals and import wars at drag strips and think that your car is uber fast because you look at all the other cars go down the track. 10.89 isnt anything special and isnt anything to be proud of if you are running 530 hp. I was running 9.8 in a 2,000 lb jetta when i was at 460 hp.
Nov 18, 2007 6:31 pm - WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Did you tie your fingers together before you typed that out? VTEC is great because its foolproof. Thats it. Its made so retards wont rip it apart and fuck with it. Thats because the japs knew that when it is fucked with, it sucks even worse. You need to start driving other cars before you compare VTEC to shit. VTEC is the whole reason why suped up hondas are like 700 hp at 6,000 rpm and 120 ft lbs of torque at 2,000 rpm. Sure they put out big numbers but 700 hp is useless if you dont have the torque to move the weight of the vehicle. Torque AND HP wins, not HP alone. A weak dude with long arms can punch alot faster than a dude with short muscular arms, but the dude with short muscular arms can lift more weight faster. The only way you get a civic to do 8 seconds on a dragstrip with street tires is if it is a 1/8th mile strip facing downhill, the civic has the windows up, a gust of wind pushing it, no A/C and it has a volkswagen pulling it.
Nov 18, 2007 6:38 pm - OOOH IM SCARED A 5.0!!! OH WOW A 2.0 Putting out 220 to the wheels? THATS IMPRESSIVE!! My last volkswagen was a 2.0 8valve, it had no VTEC, it was running 8 psi of boost. It put out 288 hp at the wheels. It could handle up to 24 psi of boost without extreme race fuels and without water injection. I tuned it to 20 psi and had it up to 394 ft lbs. you know what turbo that car came off of? I got it out of a 1992 SAAB 900turbo. I got it at a junkyard for $130, i got the manifold out of a 1985 jetta turbodiesel, machined my own turbo plate, bolted it together, cost me $360 in total for the entire conversion. But i gotta say, a K20a putting out 220 whp is pretty impressive seeing as its ONLY A 2.0 litre motor. I mean, how many valves did it have? Just remember, the more valves you have, the more valves you have to break and the more centrifugal force there is inside of your cylinder head putting strain on your timing belt which in turn draws even more power from itself. The single cam VW motors rev quicker and put out better torque and hp numbers across the entire powerband than VW motors with 4 cams per bank.
Nov 18, 2007 6:54 pm - yes i understand that toyota has VVT-i and every company has their form of vtec but their powerband is useless. Sure you feel it when it is stock but just because you can feel it doesnt mean that its good. They have self-adjusting cam gears for VWs that advance and retard cam timing according to the centrifugal force on the cam. The difference isnt that much. You need to understand that. Everyone thinks that vtec shows some huge improvement in hp numbers. The only reason why that VTEC motor put 60 hp over non vtec was because the original cylinder head was probably worn out, gummed up ports, worn valve seals, need of new lifters and it probably had burnt valves. The VTEC will show a hp increase but find me a VTEC honda dyno chart that shows it having 700 hp AND 700 ft lbs at the same rpm. They wont. Therefore it is useless. VW guys dont even bother using the self adjusting cam gears because its useless. It gives 4hp over stock at 2000 rpm and 8 hp over stock at 7,000 rpm. VW guys dont need vtec because our cylinder heads can handle solid lifters, alot of lift, titanium valve retainers, extreme portnpolish jobs and heavy duty valve springs. IF you have those than your idle will be smooth and youll have alot of intake and exhaust flow regardless of the rpm the motor is at. The piston only sucks through so much air and gas at a certain time anyways. We have done alot of testing at my dyno shop and the b20 VTEC flows the same CFM portednpolished, with serious engine modifications as a nonvtec 2.0 volkswagen motor that has 8 valves, titanium valve retainers, heavy duty valve springs, a hot cam and no serious cylinder head mods. It has the same peak airflow at 6000 rpm. BUT!!!! at 3000 rpm, the vw motor is running TWICE the cfm and twice the torque as the vtec motor because it has no variable valve timing to throw it off. Dyno tests proved that the B20A was 178 hp at 6,000 rpm with extreme cylinder head modifications and parts while a 2.0 vw motor was 176 hp at 6000 rpm with aftermarket parts but no serious cylinder head mods. At 3000 rpm the Honda motor was 55 hp and 49 ft lbs of torque, at 3000 rpm the VW motor was 125 hp and 100 ft lbs of torque. So which one accelerates faster? Imagine that same VW motor with a port n polish. not only that, the VW motor doesnt sound like a bumblebee.
Nov 18, 2007 7:05 pm - At least A VW looks a hella lot better than a fuckin honda when it goes down the track. And it sounds alot better too and it can actually handle. Take a honda around a hairpin turn at 120 mph, tell me what happens.
They make a 3.2 litre motor for that too if you’re interested. The 3.2 makes 100 hp stock over that gti down the track. Theyre known to put out double the power of that gti in a motor that takes up exactly the same amount of engine bay space.
Nov 18, 2007 7:10 pm - another thing to add. This video right here shows the 3.2 litre R32 motor swapped in it but its only pushing 8 psi of boost. Im sure if it was 40 psi of boost like eiptuning pumps into alot of their R32 motors, it would be running 7’s rather than 10.3. The motor in my car was built by EipTuning.
Nov 18, 2007 7:11 pm - hey chickgriddles, I need to ask you a question, I saw this golf gti MK2 88 on sale for $1500, is that good? and what is MK2? is that like the body shape or something
Nov 18, 2007 7:17 pm - mk2 is the year. 1988 is a mk2. 1975-1984 is mk1. Mk2 is 1985-1992, mk3 is 1993-1998, mkIV is 1999-2005 and mkV is 2006-NOW. 1500 is allright depending on what motor is in it, how many miles are on it and what mods are done to it. If it is stock and low miles than go for it but if it is stock, high mileage and looks like shit than fuck it. It doesnt matter really how many miles are on it because motors are cheap and easy to swap in. But if the body is shitty than fuck it. My friend has an EIP R32 just like this one. This is the MKIV R32. Its 750 hp across the whole powerband. Watch this video and youll never look at the family-Friendly VW the same ever again... http://www.youtube.com/wa ch?v=2PbTmjLfZnM&feature=r lated I just ejaculated in my pants.
Nov 18, 2007 7:22 pm - wow dat was nice! love the sound it made! on the golf gti, it has 160 km,he cleaned the body and repainted it metallic blue, momo steering wheel, interior is Recaro and the engine is 2.0l 16v. and it says complete body kit 16v.
Nov 18, 2007 7:28 pm - yeah that sounds good for 1500. Thats about average. The body kit part sounds bad. Nobody ever puts body kits on jettas or gtis. 2.0 16v is good. Stock it is about 140 hp and with a few adjustments, you can get it to 160 without really spending anything. Then you can start to spend money on it. With $500 you can get it to 200 hp. With a turbo kit ($2000 in total) you can get it to 400 hp. And then with other miscellanous engine mods and work done you can get it to 600 hp like nothing with cylinder head work, cams, lightweight flywheel and forged pistons. My friend is at 350 hp in his 2.0 Xflow 8v not the 16v. Its just running 8psi on stock compression with a camshaft and heavy duty valve springs.
Nov 18, 2007 7:31 pm - my friend has a 328xi and its a 2007. I wont lie, its a piece of shit. My NA 1.8 jetta blew it outta the water and i didnt spend 40,000 on my jetta. My supercharged rabbit would have 5 seconds on it on the quarter mile and i only put $7000 into it. The 328 is fancy and all and is allright stock but it is just meant for the dude who wants a car that is fast enough for every day commutes, looks nice and rides nice. The handling isnt anything extraordinary.
Nov 18, 2007 7:37 pm - make sure its idle is good and it doesnt sound lumpy and retarded. Usually when people sell off their 16v for cheap money, its probably because they snapped a timing belt and bent every valve in the head. But if it rides nice and theres no huge gaps in the powerband and it is smooth than buy it. The 16v isnt super torquey because it has 2 cams but youll feel all the power if you wind it right up to 6000. If you plan to cam it up at all, dont be fooled by numbers. A milder cam will actually give better power results than a hotter cam. IF the milder cam has more lift than you wont need a hotter cam to fuck up the idle and screw with the powerband. Im running a 270 in one of my cars while everyone else is running like 292s and 288s. My car puts out 10% more torque at any given rpm and were talking about engines that are 1 litre on me.
Nov 18, 2007 7:41 pm - heres a mkIII golf destroying a Twin turbo supra. [url]http://www.youtube.c m/watch?v=FeGl5v4EO0w&feat re=related[img]
If you wanna get more information on performance mods for the mk2s than go to www.bahnbrenner.com, www.eiptuning.com, www.techtonicstuning.com, www.eurosportacc.com, www.autotech.com and www.vwvortex.com
If you wanna get more information on performance mods for the mk2s than go to www.bahnbrenner.com, www.eiptuning.com, www.techtonicstuning.com, www.eurosportacc.com, www.autotech.com and www.vwvortex.com
thanks for the links, and wow that golf had one hell of a takeoff.
Nov 19, 2007 2:26 pm - today i bought a 1999 volkswagen GTI for $700. IT has a smashed windshield and a blown left rear tire. The engine runs fine and passes emissions inspection. Im going to replace the windshield and the rear tire and sell it for $4000. It only has 66,000 miles on the 2.0 Xflow motor. This motor is amazing. It is the ABA 2.0 8valve Crossflow. The engine is so versatile, you can turbo it or supercharge it on stock compression, you can lower compression and give it more boost, you can shave the head, port it out, swap over to solid lifter with a huge cam and nitrous and increase the compression ratio, you can do individual throttle bodies, nitrous AND turbo, nitrous AND supercharger. The capabilities of this motor are endless and you run no risk of breaking or bending any valves when you snap a timing belt because it is a non-interference motor.
today i bought a 1999 volkswagen GTI for $700. IT has a smashed windshield and a blown left rear tire. The engine runs fine and passes emissions inspection. Im going to replace the windshield and the rear tire and sell it for $4000. It only has 66,000 miles on the 2.0 Xflow motor. This motor is amazing. It is the ABA 2.0 8valve Crossflow. The engine is so versatile, you can turbo it or supercharge it on stock compression, you can lower compression and give it more boost, you can shave the head, port it out, swap over to solid lifter with a huge cam and nitrous and increase the compression ratio, you can do individual throttle bodies, nitrous AND turbo, nitrous AND supercharger. The capabilities of this motor are endless and you run no risk of breaking or bending any valves when you snap a timing belt because it is a non-interference motor.
oh shit dats a nice deal u got! for gti does it matter what year I get? or is 88-92 the best?
Nov 19, 2007 6:11 pm - 88-92 is the best. That motor is great except for the fact that if you snap a timing belt than its generally game over. But if you keep up with the maintenance than suping that motor up is alot of fun. It is so easy to get performance parts for that car. The 1.8 8v is actually cheaper for the power. Its a smaller motor and it is leaned back into the engine bay at an angle to make more space seeing as it is a very tall motor. The 1.8 8v may be 30 hp less but you can bolt any 8v VW exhaust manifold onto it. You can take a TDI (turbo diesel) or old VW Turbo diesel manifold, buy a spacer/adaptor plate and fit a turbo in the back. The turbo manifold from a junkyard is like $30. You can get a turbo out of a Saab 9000Turbo and just use an adaptor plate, bolt it up, use a boost controller and regulate it for 8-10 psi of boost, hook up boost lines and its unbelievable. Make sure you use a Front mount intercooler. I did that with one of my motors. It was completely stock at the time and i boosted it from 105 hp to 160 without a problem. I then ripped it apart and rebuilt the motor, ported n polished it, cammed it up and got a 5 angle valve job. I ran 10 psi on stock compression with Heavyduty race pistons. It was 220 hp. Cost me $310 for those parts at the junkyard. I rebuilt it all. Ive had 16 volkswagens so far in the past 2 years. I currently have 4. I have a 92 jetta VR6Turbo, 1990 Corrado G60 which is converted over to 1.8T, 1992 Jetta 1.8 Serious cylinder head work and nitrous oxide, 1999 volkswagen GTI 2.0Xflow.
Nov 19, 2007 6:14 pm - the 2.0 16v is the one that will break valves when you snap a timing belt, the 1.8 8v is bulletproof and extremely reliable, the 1.8 16valve is a waste of time, the 2.0 8vXflow is a great motor for versitality, the 1.8 Supercharged G60 is great for performance parts and price because they are cheap but dont keep it stock or you will blow it up thats why they are called Grenade-60s. The 2.8 12valve VR6 is a great versatile motor and anything can be done to it. Its a unique motor. The 2.8 24valve VR6 is a waste of time. the 3.2 24valve VR6 is unbelievable. ITs capable of over 1000 hp to all 4 wheels.
i just wanna add that sometimes when I’m not in hurry I would try to be the biggest asshole on the road, all I need is another car going the speed limit on a 4 or 6 lane road (2 or 3 on each side). Then I just stick to the speed limit too and watch as people behind us start piling up and the guy behind me starts to tailgate me. Its pretty funny to do around rush hour.
Mar 28, 2008 11:20 am - every time i purposely stick to the speed limit (or below) I can just imagine the person behind me yelling:
"go faster you stupid fuck, i’m late for work!"
he’ll tailgate me and everytime he gets too close I’d tap the brakes, making him slam on his.
Its hilarious.
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