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(111 votes) Published: Nov 26, 2007 3:24 a.m. In 1 Favorites Lists Viewed 531 times
Ok, so you finally got a girl to give it up to you? I know, it’s hard for some of you (and lets face it occasionally TOTALLY impossible, if you’re one of those people. Please shut down Firefox immediately). But the draw back with getting vagina on tap is meeting her olds.
But with my 100% helpful guide, you can get though it with ease.
First off, when the day arrives. Ditch work/school and pound a couple of brews with your mates. Why? You ask? Because its better than going to work/school.
Once you’ve sobered up, and your mates have left, start getting ready to meet the inlaws.
Just after your Girlfriend has had a shower, run in and make mad passionate love to her several times.
Surprisingly this isn’t for your benefit.
This is to ensure that your woman won’t get frisky at her parents place.
Once you’re both ready to go, HIT THE ROAD! and make a beeline straight to the nearest liquor store and pick up a 12 pack or bourbon & colas. Crack open a cold one before you get out of the store and start skulling.
Why? you ask again like its not obvious enough? Because if you’ve followed my plan, you should be getting the first signs of a hangover (from drinking the whole day with your mates).
On the rest of the drive, offer your shocked girlfriend a drink, and hurl abuse at idiots on the road, all while having a cold one in hand.
Ok, you’re 5 minutes away from your bitches parents. You need to calm your nerves? Booze and wild passionate love making didn’t cut it?
Then, like any respectable person, turn to hard drugs. Something along the lines of opium or ketamine. You want something that will help you relax, not something that will get you pumping (meths, E, etc).
Sweet, you’re set now. TIME TO MEET THEM!!
Oh shit, it’s not over till the fat lady sings (your mother inlaw in this case), you still have to make it through the evening!
DW DW I still know what to do!
We all know first impressions last. So when you rock up, biff a can of bourbon in the direction of your fuck buddies mum/dad and crack open another one.
There’ll probably be some silence after you do this (some say its shock. I say it’s sheer enjoyment).
To overcome this. Go straight for the big guns...Racist jokes.
Here’s one I used
ME: Hey *Chugs last of can* what’s the difference between a picnic table and a Maori (an NZ nigger)??
Inlaws: Did you drink and drive here?
Me: A picnic table can support a fucking family!
Inlaws: Did you fucking drive here while fucking drinking??
Girlfriend: We’re over.
That went well.
Time for some food.
But...First things first. The second you walk into the house, light up a cig. Don’t smoke? Who gives a fuck. Smoke in their house.
Not to be a prick. But as a symbolism that you feel comfortable in their dwellings. Essentially it’s a sign of respect.
Then go take a dump, in their toilet (if you want. The toilet is optional). Yet another sign of respect.
During the meal, continue drinking. Maybe sneak outside every now and then to top up your opium.
To make convo, constantly talk about the many times you way too drunk, and all the drugs you’ve done. Inlaws love those stories.
By dessert time you’re probably FUCKED. Go into the bathroom and have a chunder. It’ll make you feel better. Then go back out and make a pass at you’re mum inlaw. DW, she’ll see the funny side.
Once the gawdaweful night is over, finish your drinks and head home. Hopefully you’ll get a shag then too. But probably not.
k. Well hope that helped. LOL.
This is only my second egg, so pwetti plz rate well.
P.S...mods don’t drop this egg. I put ALOT OF EFFORT IN OK?!?!?!?!??!
k. Love you all to bits. XOXO.
Johns_Face the Anarchist.
Nov 27, 2007 10:40 am - Ketamine is a soft drug FYI and it’s no good using it to try and calm your nerves because you’ll just get knocked out(K-Hole) or act like a blumbering idiot.
3* Coz i found this funny and if you take it serious then you need to actually get a girlfriend....
Ketamine is a soft drug FYI and it’s no good using it to try and calm your nerves because you’ll just get knocked out(K-Hole) or act like a blumbering idiot.
3* Coz i found this funny and if you take it serious then you need to actually get a girlfriend....
A soft drug? Are u srs? You pretty much loose ALL motor skills because it hits you so hard...
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