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(139 votes) Published: Feb 01, 2008 9:59 a.m. In 1 Favorites Lists Viewed 544 times
The following are steps that one can take to become a true terrorist. (Notice to all people, doing this may increase your chances of being assassinated by the CIA, FBI, or any other government office whose tactics may include, but are not limited too: sword in throat, gunshot to head, trained squads of attack ants, explosive diarriah, etc) These steps should be followed carefully and with extreme prejudice.
Step One: The most important step is to acquire an identity that you can use while you are in “terrorist mode”. To acquire an alter-ego, first you must choose a discreet, common, terrorist name. For instance, Malakahar Shadokahishkah, Jesqwetii Fandueeki, Kakaeeri Bodashkuga, or Jim are some good examples. Next, you must make an outside appearance. It should be something that wont draw any attention to you, Some examples include, wearing a long flowing robe, wearing a turban, shouting out “MALEKI LEKI BOOM!” randomly out on the streets, and being unwilling to let any security check your bags.
Step Two: Everyone knows what a terrorist does, they blow stuff up! You can blow many things up, planes, buildings, cars, yourself, or just about anything else you can get a hold of. There are also many different way to blow stuff up, I will focus on two of them, blowing other stuff up, and blowing yourself up.
Blowing up Other Stuff
The easiest way to blow stuff up is of course to attach something explosive to it. There are many explosive items in this world including C4, dynamite, more C4, mines, grenades, C4 strapped to a vest on your chest, and flaming cars. Those are just a few examples of course. Now then, as a terrorist, you will want to inflict as much damage as possible. The most obvious way to do this is to set off your explosion in a crowded area, which is basically anywhere that isn’t Dennys.
Blowing Up Yourself
There are many different tactics to use whilst blowing yourself up, the most basic is to strap one of the above mentioned devices onto your body, and detonate them. The resulting blast will completely decimate you, and anybody/thing around you. Of course, there are many different ways to do this as well, try to be creative, for instance, you could put explosives into a gift basket and mail it to yourself. Or, you could somehow hurt yourself bad enough to require surgery. When the surgery is over and you are in the healing ward, and the doctor comes in to check on you, blow yourself up. And finally, my personal favorite way of blowing yourself up is to do the following. Go into a church during services. Wait until the preacher does the healings, while he is doing this, get into the line. Wait until your turn, and when he shouts “HEAL!” detonate the bomb.
Well, that’s all for this exclusive look into becoming a terrorist, hope you enjoyed it!
Feb 01, 2008 5:30 pm - Wow that was dumb... 2 for effort. Though there is the patriot act, so in a way, we are all being terrorists by logging on to this site. And they might just catch us someday...1984 doesn’t look to far away if ya know what I mean.
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