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(106 votes) Published: Feb 05, 2008 10:32 a.m. Viewed 395 times
So, let’s look at this hypothetically, pretend there is someone you know (at home, at school, the office, right beside you) that you really just cant stand, well...when in this sort of situation, you have two choices, deal with it (a short term solution) or kill them (rather long term) This egg is for those who want to follow the second choice, and here are some simple (yet effective) way to get rid of that special someone.
1) Attack Ants
This is one of the more complicated ways to dispose of someone whose company you do not enjoy. It involves them being carried away by a trained squad of attack ants, and devoured. For more information on this, allow me to direct you to http://www.rotteneggs.com/r3/show/se/373372.html for more information.
2) Hiring a gang
This method here is particularly enjoyable because you know that the person is being massively assaulted by a herd of pill-popping muscle heads, usually armed with foreign objects including (but not limited to) bats, guns, knives, vehicles, and explosives. To get a gang to attack the person that you want attacked, simply find a person in the gang, give them money, and instructions to find the individual in question…they’ll handle the rest.
3) Large Vat of Acid
So you want to make this death something to remember huh? Well a large vat of sulfuric acid will usually leave an impression on people. All you have to do is go a chemical dealer (most science teachers can help you out with that) buy a LOT of acid, and then either A-Throw the person into it, or B-Tie them up above it and either cut the rope, or let it burn. Results will not vary.
4) Animals
Ever seen Good Animals Gone Bad or something like that? Well, if you have, picture that, but with an individual that you hate. There are many different possibilities here, but here are some of my favorites. While the person is sleeping in there bedroom, unload around 15-20 feral animals into their living room, when that person wakes up, and goes to watch a little T.V, they will swarms of bobcats, feral hogs, Madonna, and all sorts of creatures systematically tearing them apart. Or, you could give them a cute cuddly cat or dog…and “accidentally” forget to tell them the small creature has rabies. And finally, take them to the zoo, and make sure to nudge them toward the Burmese Tiger Pit rather forcefully.
5) Food
Well, this one is rather boring, but I have to address it, Food poisoning is a technique you can use with some pretty good results. But, this is an egg after all so let’s look at some more creative ways to do this. Make the person a big ol heaping helping of mashed potatoes, but load it up with toenail clippings, grey hair, and any other thing you have that you can hid in there. Then, when the person in choking on the terrible taters, beat them with a heavy object. Also, invest in a canner, then take some of that persons canned foods, but weird stuff in it (frog eggs, kibbles & bits, etc) and then just re-can it. It won’t kill them, but it will be really funny
Well…that was a few ways to do the deed, hope you enjoyed it!
Feb 05, 2008 11:41 pm - Killing another human being for fun, anger, or pettiness, is not only immoral, but unintelligent. Besides that, these methods are some of the least effective, practical, and efficient I have ever laid eyes on. If this egg were meant seriously, I’d give it a 0 in a heartbeat.
However, since it’s clearly written as a joke, I’ll rate it for humor, and it warrants a 2* rating at best. I’m in a good mood, so that’s all you’re getting from me.
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