How To Completely and Utterly DESTROY The Mall!
'Remember, the mall only is for shopping, not shoplifting, not hanging out, only shopping.' 
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(95 votes)
Published: May 31, 2008 1:04 a.m.
Viewed 1129 times |
Are you tired of being hassled by mall cops? Do store personnel accuse you of shoplifting? Can’t ride your skateboard? Feel ripped off by the prices in the food court? Well, when the mall cops, store personnel, and other undesirables arrive at work one morning and find a pile of rubble where the mall once stood, they’ll be out of work, and then they’ll realize they should have treated you better. It’s quite simple:
1. Lock doors, rent demolition equipment, commence destruction of mall.
2. Sell steel members for scrap, sell newly vacated land to real estate developer.
3. PROFIT!
Welcome to Greengate Mall, which stood in Greensburg, Pennsylvania.
The first enclosed mall in Pennsylvania was Northway Mall in Pittsburgh, which opened in 1962. Eastgate Mall predates it, but it featured an open courtyard, which wasn’t enclosed until the 1970s. Greengate Mall was far superior, and opened in 1966 with two levels of shopping goodness.
There was a wrestling event held in 1998, and the Cinema IV showed a stoner movie, Half Baked, at that time.
All malls are purposely designed with exterior walls looking as plain as possible; this isn’t just to save money on constrution. It directs all the attention to the inside of the building.
Let’s consult the mall directory. The Monkey Ward store was added in 1975. You can see the building’s original rectangular shape, with the Monkey Ward’s disrupting it. I entered the lot from the lower right corner, then circled the edifice counterclockwise.
From here, the building appears intact. The contractor had removed anything he could carry, and anything he could bulldoze with Bobcats, and thrown it out the window into a pile. This would serve to weaken the fortified building, making it easier to destroy it with larger equipment.
Tucked into an awkward corner between the ass end of Monkey Ward’s and Penney’s was an offtrack betting parlor. When that closed, it became a hangout for local teens, and therefore the scene of daily fistfights and occasional stabbings. Parents wouldn’t allow their children to go, so it was unsuccessful.
Now I’m facing south, looking at the old building’s northern elevation, the entrance to the lower level of Penney’s. Someone had to stick thousands of tiles to the wall. Despite years of neglect, not one fell off.
I finally made it to the western elevation, facing east. Holy shit! I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! The sound and vibration of diesel engines nearly knocked me over.
The Horne’s / Lazarus / whatever area was covered with plastic. I wondered if it was for asbestos removal.
Here, a machine that resembles a brontosaurus bites down on a steel member with its massive jaws, then starts tugging like a big dog on a rope.
The steel member makes a BONNNG! sound when it breaks loose, and another portion of the roof collapses onto the mall interior below, kicking a cloud of dust into the air.
A small crowd of people joined me to watch. There was a plastic temporary fence near the destruction, forming a barricade. A Pittsburgh TV station sent a photographer to record some of the action, but none of that footage ever aired on their news broadcast.
Here, a dozer is using a piece of steel as a broom, sweeping debris out of its path. The steel members are placed in a pile, and the corrugated metal decking, which was beneath the second level concrete floor and on the roof, is placed in a separate dumpster, and eventually sold for scrap.
The non-metallic debris goes into rolloff dumpsters. This truck dropped off an empty dumpster, and is retrieving a full one to haul away.
Someone went to the effort of chiseling the brick facade off this wall.
This is an outbuilding that had yet to be touched. It must have been the Monkey Ward’s automotive service garage. A vinyl banner proclaiming "Air Conditioning Service" was never removed.
The roof leaks, and the ceiling collapses. There are pine trees near here, all dead of blight, some collapsed onto the pavement.
This adorable Asiatic woman is distraught by all the destruction.
The repeating arches resemble the hundreds of Kmart stores built across the land during the 1960s.
They’re hard to see, but the large objects in the foreground are the escalators, extricated from Ward’s or Horne’s, and left here to sun themselves like turtles.
It’s said the golden era of mall construction in the United States was 1965 to 1985. Now, the recreational aspect of shopping, that is, walking around in a climate-controlled mall, gawking at stuff, has fallen out of favor, as Americans tend to work longer hours for less disposable income these days. That’s how Wal-Mart has thrived; emphasizing only low prices, and stores that encourage you to leave as soon as possible. There’s a Wal-Mart Shitcenter on this site today.
Further, fully one quarter of the malls in the United States are in decline, unable to hold onto tenants. Think of it--they could all close tomorrow, and nobody would mind. Penney’s was first to leave here, going to the new mall that was constructed in 1977, about 5 miles east of here. Federated Department Stores took over Horne’s, merging it into the Lazarus chain, best known to shoppers in Ohio. This store was was one of the first "underperforming" locations to close. Federated swallowed more chain stores and removed any trace of regional differences, closing many locations and rebadging the rest as Macy’s. Newspapers are struggling with less advertising, as all the department stores have morphed into Macy’s, and therefore placing fewer ads in the newspaper. Monkey Ward’s toughed it out until going out of business in 2000. At that time, all the stores within were served with eviction notices, and the place sat empty.
Plans were underway to house switching equipment here. That’s right, they wanted to turn the mall into a huge server closet. That idea sounds even dumber now than it did then, and it never happened.
Check out the mall sometime, and realize most everything inside will be in a landfill within a year. And eventually, so will the mall itself.
And if you ever fly into Pittsburgh International Airport, check out Parkway Center Mall. You’ll pass it between the airport and the city’s entrance foyer, also known as the Fort Pitt Tunnel. Half the mall is sealed off and vacant. Get there before the wrecking ball. Check out deadmalls.com for more information. |
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 | May 31, 2008 6:03 am - w
5*’s..... ill have to try this later. |
 | May 31, 2008 8:53 am -
5* |
 | May 31, 2008 9:08 am -
Fyve starz*** |
 | May 31, 2008 9:22 am -
poor mule |
 | May 31, 2008 9:55 am -
Quote: This adorable Asiatic woman is distraught by all the destruction.
Nice pictorial... Demolition is supposed to be one of the most satisfying jobs. I can see why. Only thing that would make the demolition of that mall better would be the use of explosives.... That’s be killer...
5* |
 | May 31, 2008 1:43 pm -
5* |
 | May 31, 2008 2:11 pm -
Quote: 1. Lock doors, rent demolition equipment, commence destruction of mall.
2. Sell steel members for scrap, sell newly vacated land to real estate developer.
3. PROFIT!
LMAO
Fail at memeing |
 | May 31, 2008 5:31 pm -
5! |
 | Jun 01, 2008 5:09 pm -
nice |
 | Jun 02, 2008 3:38 pm -
5* |
 | Jun 04, 2008 2:45 pm -
LOL at the asiatic woman. |
 | Jun 08, 2008 6:18 am - ...
I got bored reading it, you were just talkin about malls... |
 | Ju 16, 2008 6:06 am -
ITS A GOOD SCHEME BUT WITH ALL THE MONEY YOU SPEND TAKING IT DOWN YOU PROBABLY ONLY MAKE A SMALL PROFIT |
 | Jun 26, 2008 1:40 pm -
fuck yeah
GODZILLA..
sounds like fun |
 | Jun 28, 2008 2:40 am -
This is pretty cool 5*, Im glad we had our rotteneggs reporter there before the actual news crew. Also, I saw a commerecial with Leanardo De caprio or whatever talking about a movie about city being rebuilt completely "green" called Greensburg?? Is this the same thing? |
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