Fantasy woodland exploration
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(103 votes)
Published: Apr 17, 2009 4:47 a.m.
Viewed 561 times |
Background info
The southwest of England is renowned for its tin mining industry which was at its most prominent in the 1870’s. The last mines were closed in the 80’s and 90’s, as a by-product of all this mining you can’t really go for a stroll in the woods without stumbling across, and nearly into old mine shafts.
Ready for the story?
*cue scary music and enter fantasy world*
In the heart of southwest England there is said to be a troll, a troll that roams the woods and watches through the trees, creeping and crawling around. Here is the story of two brave souls on a mission, nay a quest to find this troll!
It began on a Wednesday afternoon, the sun was barely noticeable behind the blackened clouds, the sounds of thunder were mimicked by the rumbling of my stomach.
My trusty companion wonder woman accompanied me and we set off for the hills. Our only weapons to use if we found the troll and it became angry were our fists of steel... Anyway, we started following a few country footpaths aiming to get as high as we could, after about 5 minutes we found this clearing.
Now to the untrained eye, this may look like a photo of 2 hay bales. BUT! If you look long and hard enough you will start to realise/imagine that these are actually troll pellets, trolls are naturally hungry creatures. With the fear of a troll being close by, we ran up another country lane and found this sign.
Jackpot! We followed the path for what seemed like hours...
Eventually we came to a fenced off area.
So climbed through it, then we found two open mineshafts which looked like bottomless pits.
(Zoomed in, I might believe in trolls but I’m not getting that close to a mineshaft)
Wonder woman passed me a stick from her unlimited supply of sticks and I threw it down expecting to hear it hit the bottom, there was nothing. Not a sound. It seemed like it just kept falling and falling, we never heard it hit the bottom.
After realising we were too close we walked on through a holly bush and found a tree full of old bird nests.
Now I know were both thinking the same thing, these nests are empty! The troll has clearly found the birds and eaten them all. At this point, I soiled myself. After cleaning up, we kept on our trek and found this strange contraption.
Is it part of a bigger machine for cultivating crops? No, It’s a... Well yes it is but it looked sinister. Continuing on our walk we started to see rubble appearing and then came to another structure.
This time it wasn’t an open shaft, we weren’t quite sure of what it was and then it hit me like a squid to the face. It was part of the troll’s house, being afraid of directly trespassing onto property and being eaten alive we looked for a more subtle way in, and found the most frightening discovery of our quest.
Looks like a broken branch to you? Looks like a message from a troll to me; it was a perfectly formed square in a tree. Wonder woman was quick to realise that this obvious marking was a bit too obvious, so we started to suspect foul play... Thoughts were running through our heads faster than a sloth can fly.
Was the troll watching us as we carefully explored through his land? Were we about to be devoured by a 20 foot tall abomination? Then, out of nowhere, I kid you not! A gun wielding hamster came running towards us as a great speed. It was so fast we couldn’t take clear photos of it, but here is a rough one we managed to get.
As you can see, he had a Rambo bandanna, an Uzi, and was so awesome he even kept a knife in his back to prove how awesome he was. We both froze in fear at this tiny bundle of death, and were told surprisingly in English to follow him. “Or what” I said, before reminding myself of the whole gun wielding hamster situation.
We were taken back to his lair, where there were many other hamsters and we were forcibly pushed down onto miniature hamster sized chairs by this beast of a hamster. We then had quite a lengthy conversation which went like this.
Me and wonder woman: So... you’re a hamster? (Yes we both talk at the same time.)
Hamster: No I’m Spiderman...
Me: OMG SPIDERMAN I KNEW YOU WERE REAL! (I was told to be quiet by wonder woman, there is something called sarcasm that I don’t understand)
He then went on to explain how, starting in a Mexican pet shop, he managed to escape across the border, buy a gun, get married, have kids, stick a knife in his own back and make it to the woods in southwest England. And! Pretend he was a troll for years to get peace and quiet, whilst having kept the birds as pets! (He also won a local chess tournament)
Me: Wow
Hamster: What’s that smell?
Me: Oh, sorry it’s the excitement.
Hamster: You rodent.
In the end all was well, wonder woman and I safely got back home. The hamsters in the hills were still living happily and everything was back to normal.
*Cut scary music and exit fantasy world*
Um so yea, mines and things... |
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 | Apr 17, 2009 5:17 am -
Quote: As you can see, he had a Rambo bandanna, an Uzi, and was so awesome he even kept a knife in his back to prove how awesome he was. We both froze in fear at this tiny bundle of death, and were told surprisingly in English to follow him. “Or what” I said, before reminding myself of the whole gun wielding hamster situation.
Srsly, though....
GO DOWN THE HOLE!
No, srsly. Don’t. You will die.
5*’d. |
 | Apr 17, 2009 5:31 am -
Thanks for the 5 Dodge. It was actually tempting to get closer and closer, but then common sense kicked in :P. |
 | Apr 17, 2009 5:45 am -
Brilliant egg.
5*
Maybe, if you got some rope, tied one end to the tree and one to yourself, you could get close enough to look down the hole with a flashlight or something. |
| Apr 17, 2009 6:14 am -
Thanks Haroman, I’d have to find a suitable roap and then it’d still be pretty risky. I’ll have to find someone willing to risk it lol. |
 | Apr 17, 2009 7:37 am -
Entertainingly inventive.
5*
C.F. |
| Apr 17, 2009 7:41 am -
Thanks Colin |
 | Apr 17, 2009 8:20 am -
Nice work! 4*. Chuck a sparkler or something down so you can se how far it falls. |
| Apr 17, 2009 8:47 am -
Tie something to the end of a tape measure, lower it down until the tape measure goes slack and you can see how deep it is :D |
| Apr 17, 2009 9:18 am -
Thanks pyroguide, Haroman I was thinking of doing that but the mines down here can be about a mile down so it might not work. Unless we build the longest tape measure! |
| Apr 17, 2009 9:18 am -
We’ll get into the record books :P |
 | Apr 17, 2009 12:25 pm -
Good work man 5* |
 | Apr 17, 2009 12:39 pm -
i lol’d 5*s |
 | Apr 17, 2009 12:39 pm -
good job exploration/story egg combined 5 worth evn tho the story wasnt that great i lol’d and good pics |
| Apr 17, 2009 2:00 pm -
Thanks for the ratings, Glendanzig,Fatsy and Ziggy :) |
 | Apr 17, 2009 4:45 pm -
5*s
Yeah most of the nickel and gold mine shafts in Aus are from 100m to 1k down....just like this http://www.youtube.com/wa ch?v=Sf216f4MMrc&feature=r lated
LOLZE best movie ever. |
| Apr 18, 2009 3:05 am -
Thanks for the rating ElectricJelly, Bill and Ted will always be the best film ever :P. |
 | Apr 18, 2009 10:18 am -
5*, I would love to drop something big heavy and breakable down that hole.
roll a boulder into it or something. |
| Apr 18, 2009 3:33 pm -
Thanks for the rating chaos, if I can find a boulder big enough and some mates to move it i’ll give it a go. |
 | Apr 18, 2009 7:42 pm -
5* |
 | Apr 19, 2009 1:50 am - ...
5* |
 | Apr 19, 2009 6:17 am -
This was fucking brilliant.
5*s and more. |
| Apr 19, 2009 6:20 am -
Thanks for the ratings guys, very much appreciated. |
 | Apr 19, 2009 4:24 pm -
Very good egg 5* |
| Apr 20, 2009 12:04 am -
Thanks tommyboy. |
| Apr 22, 2009 5:23 am -
Quote Pyroguide: Nice work! 4*. Chuck a sparkler or something down so you can see how far it falls.
BUT FIRST...
Open the valve on a 20 lb (back yard BBQ type) propane tank, and drop it down the hole.
:-D |
| Apr 22, 2009 8:18 am -
Lol Dodge, if you try it first, film it, and dont get killed. I’ll give it a go! :P |
 | Apr 23, 2009 9:55 am -
Go down the hole 4* |
 | Apr 25, 2009 2:35 pm -
lol, that was definately an entertaining read! Good work dude!
5*
Oh, and Dodge’s idea sounds like a blast! (pun intended)
I would consider doing it but I would also probably die when the entire forest floor collapsed, lol. |
| Apr 26, 2009 9:36 am -
You know it would be cool as hell.
Maybe throw the tank down, then a ball with a sparkler attached. That way, the explosion will launch the ball into orbit. :-D
5* again. |
| Apr 26, 2009 3:02 pm -
Thanks for the ratings Coopz and Dodge, you two can test out that idea! I’ll film/watch/run lol. |
 | Apr 28, 2009 7:14 pm -
nice
5* |
 | Apr 29, 2009 3:58 pm -
5*
great egg not as good as the one i just looked at but it was still good |
| May 03, 2009 4:57 am -
awsome 5 * |
| Sep 11, 2009 3:22 pm -
Thanks Pyro and Mothman. |
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