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(35 votes) Published: Nov 27, 2002 12:00 a.m. Viewed 1166 times
Alright kids, just passing through for the thermite recipe and i thought i’d leave you a little something to read other than a bunch of poop jokes. obviously most of you are likely too young to be in college, but when you get there this is something to remember.
Do wars are a fact of college life, or at least they should be. Eventually you’ll get tired of stealing each others’ kitchen appliances, heaving eggs and #*@!ting on their floor (it’s really not that clever or that funny). here are some more creative approaches.
not give them all a 3:00 am jolt once or twice a week? Simply take some clorox spray and flame it two or three times directly underneath one of their social room smoke detectors. That should do the trick. you’ll have about 5 seconds before the alarm sounds and people come piling out into the hall in their jammies. I recommend not waiting around for those few seconds, but rather running like you just screwed the sheriff’s daughter. The great thing about this method for setting off detectors is A) nobody knows why the hell the alarm goes off and B) you don’t get tried for arson (FELONY=lose your financial aid) if you get caught.
Not mean-spirited enough? Ok, fine. If they leave their shampoo bottles sitting in the bathrooms, pour half the bottles out and replace it with NAIR. Don’t worry, they won’t lose ALL their hair, they’ll probably notice the clumps of it coming off in their comb and switch shampoo brands. Or:
This one works well in the winter, when the heat is always on.
go to an upper floor, pry off a vent, and drop some raw hamburger. It should stink up a good majority of the rooms in the building, not to mention give them a major pest problem (a la the seven plagues of moses). IMPORTANT: fecal matter does NOT work as well as raw meat. Poop crusts over in a couple of days, just when raw meat starts smelling like DEATH.
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