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(57 votes) Published: Jan 13, 2005 9:03 p.m. In 1 Favorites Lists Viewed 270 times
It had been no less than two weeks since the Moles had released me. I hadn’t forgotten about the incident, but preferred not to let anyone.
In the next few days I started noticing things. Things like animals that seemed drunken, things like trees losing all their leaves in late spring, things like YO MAMAS FAT ASS! Three days after I noticed all these weird happenings, I was dragged underground again by the Moles. They took me to their Master Mole once again and was told that if I did not advertise, they would be forced to kill everyone I loved and possibly some I hated, to frame me for murder. I took it as a pretty hard threat. I was given twice as many flyers as last time, and they let me go. When I got home, I told my parents I got a job and I had to go and do my work delivering junk mail. It took me over a month to hand out all of the flyers to passers by, windshields and mail boxes. When I finished I hoped nobody payed attention to the Moles’ posters and all was over.
It wasn’t. Mole milk started appearing everywhere, even in my own home.
One night I was sitting in front of the TV and was awoken from a semi conscious daze by what I heard. In the background of the program I was watching - a midget bragging about being an accountant - I saw Moles. I quickly grabbed the remote and flicked through some channels. On every channel was the same. Different programs all had Moles in the background. I couldn’t figure out what they were doing. It looked like they were climbing on each others’ backs to make Mole towers, biggest Moles on the bottom through to smallest on top. Although they kept collapsing, it seemed as if they tried endlessly to outbuild each other to be tallest. I watched for hours then went to bed at about two a.m.
In the morning I woke up and went into the kitchen to try some of the Mole Milk. Someone knocked on the front door just as I opened the refrigerator. I grabbed the milk and went to the door. As soon as I turned the door knob I was confronted by a dozen midgets carrying bacon and cold fried rice. I ran away out the door closing it behind me. I didn’t care about what they had to say. When I was far enough away I sat down on a patch of grass in a park with swings and benches.
After I had caught my breath I went to sit on one of the swings. I was in my own world for a few minutes until I was reminded of the Mole Milk in my bag, by a milk truck as it drove past. I ran over to it where I left it on the grass. I took a sip and was instantly dizzy. Everything went fuzzy and I felt like I was floating. Trees looked like giants with green shirts. I returned to normal after about thirty seconds. I had another tiny drop and it happened again but for only a fraction of the time. I began to walk speedily along the footpath and dropped the milk in the first bin I passed. As I drew nearer to a friends’ place I saw smoke gently rising from their rooftop. Him and his family were standing on their front lawn staring. They all had Mole Milk bottles in their hands and were giggling loudly. I figured it wasn’t worth stopping and continued past. I reached the main shops of my town and saw Moles in a fabric shop buying light polyester fabric in massive rolls. Across the street were Moles buying thin aluminium poles.
While I was watching them across the street I tripped over a few Moles walking the opposite direction to me. I stood up on my knees and asked them what they were doing. The big Mole said they couldn’t tell me. What he did say was that the midgets that arrived at my door earlier were sent by the Mole King and they had a message for me. I said I ran away from them, so they explained that if I was to wire midgets together then feed them fried rice and bacon then all the power they produced would make a telepathic ring. If anybody entered the ring of telepathy, they would be able to read minds and pick up radio stations until the midgets ran out of energy and died. I thought that was a bit far fetched but told them I’d try it next time I see a tribe of midgets eating fried rice and bacon.
At school I figured out that 8 times 7 didn’t equal 46 but it didn’t equal squirrels either. By the time I worked it out it was time to head home. There was a midget selling Mole Milk on the corner near my house so I asked him wether or not there were more midgets near by. He said there were only about 6 midgets in the 5 square miles around him. He new that because midgets are telepathic. I didn’t question his ability to recognise other midgets. I walked into a tree backwards as I went home. How I hit it backwards I don’t know, after all I was walking forwards up until my front door. As I walked into my room I switched on the light and in an instance of de je vu noticed a half eaten rabbit carcass on the floor. As I had predicted in my de je vu sequence, a bowling ball fell off a shelf and hit a glass bottle on the shelf below it. The bottle smashed and glass went everywhere while the bowling ball fell on the rabbit carcass. The odd thing was I don’t own a bowling ball…Or a rabbit carcass for that matter.
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