May 03, 2008 2:32 pm - Suicide, Physce Ward, Depression, Mental Breakdown-Recovery? -I&rsq o;m sure all oƒ you are familiar with the famous quote "ignorance was bliss". Iƒ you possibly had some sort of mental disorder wouldn’t it be better to not know what it is? I just hate how now-a-days so many are over-diagnosed and over-medicated. Including myself possibly... Ever since i tried 2 hang myself i had 2 see a physcologist. I don’t know why i did it, and normally i just bury it deep in my memory and forget about it. I’m not one of those emo kids who pulls shit like that for attention, i’m in person a very shy person, and its been years before i decided to be honest about myself on this website which i rarely use anymore, as I am anonymous on it. Later, during the summer of that same year i had a mental breakdown, and things and functions such as speace started slipping away. I kept stuttering, i tried so hard not to let anyone know that i felt like i was loosing my mind as i secluded myself out in the woods and deserted areas, hopeing i could come to terms with my mental turmoil on my own. Yet i couldn’t. I finally snapped, and thinking that if i got in a fight the physical pain and release of my intense rage would numb the mental pain that had consumed me. I tried starting a fight with a close friend of mine, then this kid that was a tough guy in my neihborhood who had beaten me up in the past. I was visibly disturbed, and they could see it clearly in my beserker like fury. They were cool tho, they subdued me, tried 2 calm me down, checked my wrists to see if i had been cutting myself which i had never done before and never would think of doing. The only way i had tried to harm myself was by hanging, getting myself to the brink of death, standing on the edge of life. I suppose i did in some sort of fucked up attemp to be thankful to be alive. I remember how i felt when i had actually almost died from lack of oxygen, the belt biting into my neck. I would use the word elation, yet i have tried to forget those times of my life that i can no longer describe it. I don’t want to go back to those memories. But when i went out looking for a fight, they tried calming me down, tried getting me to pull myself together and stop stuttering and trembling. Kids in the niehborhood began to crowd around me, some were scared, some were just laughing. In this excited state i wasn’t aware of all the people looking @ me. They all just wanted to see a fight. They wanted me to fight this huge kid who was a total asshole, who i and others really hated. They tried callin him but he wasn’t around. The kids who were there that were mt "friends" finally just pulled me home and showed me to my mom, and she took me to the hospital. I stayed in the fucking physce ward for about a month. I really don’t want to talk about what its like in there, but it realy was miserable. I’ve never even attempted to write about any of this before, and i really should stop before i get upset, but @ the moment i feel nothing. I don’t care, i want 2 tell someone who doesn’t know me and has no idea who i am. But in there i could barely speak i was stuttering so bad, my thots were all in a dissaray, my memory was fried, i babbled about the truth, maniacly read the bible... I don;t want to talk about it anymore. That year i had gone through allot, i was all bottled up w/ horrible emotions. I geuss they had 2 come to the surface sooner or later. And i freaked out. I had kept to myself allot, went on long walks, that winter i remembered i walked something like 35 miles untill i found a way home by train. I just was lonely. I was angry. Confused. But all my life i lacked what everyone else seemed to have. The ability to connect with others. The knowledge of the right way on how to love. I had been in relationships with girls, bad relationships to say the least. I chose the troubled ones, probably because i saw a bit of myself in them, i wanted them to need me like i needed some-one else. But it never worked the way i had imagined, the way i had idealized and romantisized. Sex and lust, no matter how much we try to pretend, can never equate to and fill the holes inside of us as love can. I had been smoking weed, the kids who saw me freak out thot i had gotten some with PCP laced in it, i sort of wished that was what had really happened. A simple solution to a complex problem, but what really was the problem was my own mind. And that the scary thing. The thot that i could slip back into that parralel universe, that chaos and turmoil and confusion. The doctors tried several medications, and now i just take Depakote and Seroquel. Depakote is a mood stabilizer, Seroquel is an anti-anxiety drug. On them i’ve rebuilt my life. Junior year i’ve been doing way better than freshman and sophmore, gradewise, even though i was smoking weed this winter and did a couple other drugs. Then i got in trouble with the law, "friends" tried a robbery and tricked me into driving them, saying we were going 2 buy weed. I turned them in, i didn’t and don’t give a fuck. They’re scumbags. Now i’m on drug-testing and wound up w/ only one charge, "Intent to violate drug laws". It’ll prolly be dropped, i hope. I’m glad i’m on drug testing, being off weed had brot back my intelligence and got rid of apathy. The thing is I’m scared of the Depakote and Seroquel, the thought that i’ll have to be on these drugs, which sometimes i condem as the "soma" of A Brave New World (the book for all those who are not literary classic afficianados), for the rest of my life. It has been hinted @ by the doctors that i could be Bi-polar, but mood swing are not that extreme, i wouldn’t even say i have mood swings @ all. Its just this underlying uneasyness when i forget to take my medication. That is what has been troubling me. But recently i’ve been living my life better, as i have said in those previous blog entries. I have my own group of friends that I brot together, a group where we all respect and look out for eachother as if we were brothers. It feels real good to be a part of that. And then there is my girlfriend, who makes me feel ok. I’d like to say i love her, and that i’m not using her, but i still don’t know. All i know is that we do trust eachother, and that is very important. I have also learned to be thankful of my Parents, both of whom love my very much, wich i foolhardily had forgot and lost touch with them. Yet things are stable again. Things are brighter. These past few months, 2008, have been some of the happiest in my life. I’m even going to church again. I’m content with what i have, and even prepared to leave much of it behind when i must go off into the world on my own. I’m trying to think ahead again, and not live for the moment and try to forget and escape things. For no matter what we do, tommorrow always comes. Yet i just don’t want the past to come back as well... Add a Reply -- REPLIES -- siner May 03, 2008 4:04 pm - wow Wow man. This is a powerfull storie. TecnoDestructo M y 03, 2008 5:40 pm - been their done that m0rtified_p3nguin M y 03, 2008 8:11 pm - :D congrats! Valo M y 04, 2008 12:13 pm - i like your blogs BurcS May 06, 2008 9:17 pm - I know it seems hard with the pills but you do need to keep with it. I’ve seen it first hand change to peoples lives completely around. And I’ve seen what happens if they don’t take them, trust me it gets worse if you don’t. Even though I don’t know you, I’m proud of you. rainingblood May 07, 2008 9:18 am - good on you i too have to take mood stabilisers abd anti-depressents and i get so bad if i dont take my medicine. i really hope things work out for you.

May 01, 2008 7:40 pm - Things are getting better : - ) I don’t really know where to begin but things are getting better, slowly but surely i’m regaining who i once was, and who i could be. I see how pointless and aimless my lifestyle was, hit to hit, escape to escape. Its been well over a month since i’ve last smoked weed, and everything is getting so much clearer. Though of course i can’t blame just the weed, pretty much every bad thing that has happened to me has happened because i was high or looking to get high, as i probably already mentioned. I had amotivational syndrome and depression and apathy, weed subtly took a hold of me. I know most people can handle it and not be addicted, but i’m not one of those ppl. Not on it, i’m getting more direction in life, am slowly being able 2 salvage junior year in high school, and am slowly being unafraid to work hard and look towards the future and my plans. I’m looking @ colleges and learned that my grades really arent as bad as i had imagined, i have a 2.9 gpa and i could get it to a 3.0 if i work hard. Yet i’m not just going to look ahead, i’m already reflecting on how i conduct myself and my lifestyle in the present. It has finally dawned on me on how truly lucky i am. They are right when they say happiness is learning to be thankful for what you already have, not what you want. I have my own group of friends that i brought together and who i sort of am the leader of, and we’re all real close. We don’t talk shit to eachother and have respect and are loyal towards eachother. That in itself is something i’ve always wanted, yet was always too shy or awkward to initiate. My girlfriend is actually a good person, it isn’t all about physical lust this time (i admit i was an ass in my last entry when i said we fuck allot, so i apologize), she actually loves me and cares about me, which means allot after all the wierd relations i’ve had in the past. I can also keep my feelings 4 her in moderation though, so i’m not wildly passionate and can focus on other important things. School goin ok as well, but i still have some work to finish so i had best get to that. I know some may consider it corny but i’m going 2 try 2 regain some spirituality in my life, wandering around godless and worshipping the self, despite what ppl say, has only resulted in a meaningless existance for me. I’m not going 2 buy some book about eastern spirituality like this current trend people seem to be going through, but i’m just going to go to Catholic church, the church i was born into and was babtized @. People can condem the catholic church, and i can’t say our history has been all peaches and cream the last thousand years but i really could care less. -I’ll write more l8ter when i find time. Relevant comments are welcome, and ass 4 the assholes out there, they’ll just be ignored. Add a Reply -- REPLIES -- siner May 02, 2008 3:47 am - con Congrats. I Think ill stick with weed. Budman-2807 May 02, 2008 10:41 am - Yea weed really dose fog and fuck up ur mental judgment. Oh well

May 01, 2008 7:17 pm - Test Test.... Add a Reply -- REPLIES -- -Blackha k- May 02, 2008 3:01 pm - Test confirmed.

Jan 13, 2008 7:51 pm - I want to live my life instead of trying to escape it -Lately i’ve just been getting sick of what my life’s become. Just an escape to another escape. I’m afraid of tommorrow so i get myself entwined in the folly pursuits of pleasure of today. I can’t really say that i have any real close friends. I mean i hang out with a great variety of people, but i don’t really like any of them... I’ll get sick or get in a fight w/ one set and then move on to another. Sometimes i just wish i stayed running track and playing saturday night manhunt and then a movie w/ my straigt-edge friends @ the beggining of freshman year. I miss all of them, i really do, but now, its all too long ago to go back 2 chillen w/ them. I got in w/ the wrong crowd and stopped goig 2 my track meets. Then i finally dropped them (even tho some of them got really close w/ me) for my old girlfriend. Being w/ her, even tho now i have no desire to even see or talk 2 her again, @ the time gave me the most meaning to my life that i’d ever felt. I thot i was in love, but now i know its just lust. When i broke up w/ her in the november of sophmore year (the summer i spent w/ her was the best summer i’d ever had) i didn’t really know where to turn. I went to hanging out w/ the niehborhood kids again. None of them do drugs or any of that shit, when it all comes down to it they’re good kids even tho they’re a little dumb and simple minded. We’d just meet up on the weekends and play football an shit, and we had fun, it would take my mind off stuff. Then winter came... I got involved w/ another messed up girl wich did me no good, just ended up gettin me hurt again and wasting so much of my time. That winter i felt the lowest i’d ever felt. My only escape was Creative Writing class, i wrote several good stories that wound up getting appluase from the class. In that class i met a really good straightedge kid named john. His gf had recently left him, under what circumstances i still am not really sure of, but i hung out w/ him and cheered him up. Then his GF finally came back to him, and surpisingly she liked me as well, so the three of us began to drive around and hang out together as spring finally came. (i mean she liked me as a friend). But we all had a pretty good time chillin together. I really looked up to John and enjoyed being w/ his friends who i actually respected and who were interesting. I remember one night i was sitting in the backseat of thier car and ended up crying because i had recently stopped another stint w/ my original ex. John actually gave me a hug and we ended up going to BK to cheer me up. That summer we had a good time taking out my kayak and going swimming and whatnot. It really was a goodtime. But then i realized that i was just trying to live his life not my own. I’d never be as good as he was. I wasn’t green w/ envy or anything, but it got me down. So i ended up going to hangout w/ my pothead friends and spent pretty much a whole fuckin week stoned. After that i went to driver’s ed, and i really respected the teacher i had, he was a really amazing teacher, an odd thing considering he was just a driver’s ed teacher. But i really respected him, i ended up givin him a handshake. I also met some cool ppl in driver’s ED, and especially this girl called megan who was really interested in me. But then everything went wrong. I felt like i was loosing my mind. I was trying to be completely perfect. And of course i wasn’t perfect. I ended up telling megan "I know you like me and all, but i can’t be with you. I’m nt who you think i am. I’d just wind up hurting you..." She replied "No1 is perfect.. and then she tried to hold me. Then i just left. For about 3 days after that i kept completely to myself, i’d wander arund outside in the middle of know-where. And i’d cry. I thot i was incapable of loving anyone. I wanted to just feel something. So i just started getting into fights. I wouldn’t care if i won or lost, i just wanted to get fucked up. {When you let go of everything you are free to do anything]. That kept blazing through my mind. But then this reckless behavoir just kept getting worse. I’d go nuts when i was alone. I’d babble, plead, cry, beg forgivness for bad things i’d done in the past that i really couldn’t ever forgive myself for. And finally i just broke down. It was like my brain stopped working. I wound up in the hospital. I don’t really remember how long i spent in there. I couldn’t talk, i’d studder like crazy. I couldn’t eat. I wound up in there because i beat the shit out of one of my friends, a townie. I’ve never felt more scared in my life. Being locked up w/ all these physcos and wierdos. God i hated them so much. It wasn’ like one flew over the cookoo’s nest or any of that shit. It was hell. When i finally got out, i was put on Ativan, Seroquel and Depakote. I was forced to take them, but i still was extreamly angry @ something i didn’t know. That anger did do good things. I’d manaicly do pushups and sit ups and lift wieghts, like i had learned to do when i was locked up. It was the only way to stay sane in there. I spent the days after i got out on vacation w/ my family etc. The meds finally caught up w/ me, and by the time i was in junior year i wasn’t feeling crazy. Things became reasonably normal. I didn’t take too many hard classes, took it easy. And so far i’ve been doing ok grade wise. But these pills, it can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on how you look @ it.. They make me feel kind of numb. Like emotionless. I can’t cry or anything. I can’t be fueled by rage. I stopped lifting wiegts and such. Lately i’ve just been drivin around on the weekends w/ a mismatch group of aquantences. I get high or get drunk and stuff. Not like out of controll or anything. Just like, you know, fucking around. I mean i still read allot, love movies, long walks w/ my dog. But these distractions seem meaningless. And i mean the meds are good, they keep things under controll, keep me chill. I just want this winter to be over soon. What i really want to do is go on long bike rides w/ a tent, or kayak the entire lengths of the local rivers. I want to get in shape again, no more of this poisoning my body. But when i look back on everything, when i look back on my life so far, the time when i was most happy, the most content, was the summer of 8th grade. It was then that i’d spend the whole day out mountain biking the powerline and ATV trails around my area, just me out in the wilderness. I didn’t need any1 else. And in life, when it all comes down to it, we’re all alone. But i managed to be happy with that. I want to achieve that contentness again. And i’m taking steps to do that again. Its nice to have the company of my dog w/ me, but thats all i need. Allot of the storie’s i’ve written on rotteneggs come from the summer of 8th grade. But anyway, i’m saving up for a 1-person river kayak or a small trailer for the 2-person ocean kayak we already own. I’m buying a tent and i’ve been stockpiling camping supplies and have been saving up for a cheap 1=person tent as well. I want to go on my own adventure. This summer. This summer will be just like that one back in 8th grade. And maybe then i’ll finally be happy. Add a Reply -- REPLIES -- Jan 13, 2008 8:04 pm - I’ll be the first to say it: TL;DR People might actually read it if you didn’t make your background table transparent so we COULD read it, idiot. cra y-ass Jan 13, 2008 8:36 pm - you NOOOOB thats brians return Saf tysLast Jan 14, 2008 11:28 am - I read the whole thing; You need some goals. You sound as if you’re stuck in a small part of your life. Try and acheive something. D0minater Jan 14, 2008 1:17 pm - Alright, you are making a GREAT choice. It’s really good that your realize what you love. You set a great goal for yourself, saving up for that kiack (sp?) and tent. Work for them on your own. This will give you such a great feeling of satisfaction when you reach your goal. Then when you enjoy your finally reached goals, which is going out in the mountains like you said, and enjoying that kiak, and that tent, and that trailer, you will feel even better than when you first got them. Don’t quit dude, and you’ll be happy. m0r ified_p3nguin Jan 14, 2008 1:32 pm - All the animals come out at night - whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets. I’m going out this summer too, maybe on my own, maybe with a friend. Somewhere west. Maybe I’ll run into you. Jan 14, 2008 4:37 pm - THATS not from the taxi driver at ALL! Johns_Face Jan 14, 2008 7:52 pm - Read it all. All I can say is, go have a cry about it. My life is pretty gay, do you see me screaming about it? No. I handle my probs like a real man. Abnormal amounts of drugs and alcohol. Jan 15, 2008 6:01 pm - ^haha.

Jan 13, 2008 6:43 pm - TEST TEST Add a Reply -- REPLIES -- Jan 13, 2008 6:45 pm - IT WORKS

Jan 13, 2008 5:14 pm - Salvia Divinorum Me and my friends are ordering some salvia through the mail and its expected to arrive next weekend. I’ve never tried it before but i’m told that its amazing. I myself have ordered some clipping so i can grow it myself. I was just wondering what i can expect from smoking this plant. Add a Reply -- REPLIES -- Jan 13, 2008 5:21 pm - Aids. GlennDanzig J n 13, 2008 5:39 pm - personally i have never tried it but a friend of mine who has done it a lot said it is a very unpleasant experience Yipper Jan 13, 2008 6:01 pm - See you on day on celeberty rehab. Na... you not that popular. m0rtified_p3nguin Jan 13, 2008 6:20 pm - i bought a plant. its still growing. urmomis100 Jan 13, 2008 8:14 pm - ya that shit can be unpleasant. there isnt "bad trips" or wutever. i guess it just gets old. its fukn crazy. youl see. n 4 success in tripping check out my egg its by far the best way to smoke salvia. CDizz Jan 13, 2008 9:18 pm - Salvia can be awesome, or terrible. I have friends that say they like it but when I tried it, even though it didn’t last long, I felt really fucking weird, like I was getting poked with thousands of needles all over. Poopieniggershit D0minater Jan 14, 2008 1:07 pm - I never did it but my friend tried it and he claims he had a horrible trip his first time, and is never going to do it again. Fam ly_Guy09 Jan 14, 2008 1:15 pm - I just tried it for the first time this past Friday. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you anything about it because I smoked weed first so I couldn’t really tell the difference. But I was pretty fucked up which doesn’t normally happen to me anymore. Jan 15, 2008 10:32 am - Salvia sucks. Be a man and smoke some pot fool. juggalo420g Jan 15, 2008 4:54 pm - i didnt like it to much and i would much rather smoke weed then turn out like ozzy

Jan 09, 2008 2:45 pm - Never ever take Yohimbe Capsules -2day before school i popped a yohimbe capsule from a bottle i bought @ GNC and proceded to have one of the worst days ever. Yohimbe is a stimulant and a vascolinator (makes your heartbeat increase and blood flow faster) and i thought it would wake me up. I used 2 take them before i fucked my ex-gf because they give you rock hard erections, make your sex drive seem like its on crack, and make you fuck like a wildman for hours. Pop in a techno CD while your doing it and see what happens. Anyway @ school it made my heartbeat go wild and my face turned red, my eyes bloodshot, everyone thought i was high. I took it on an empty stomach too. Therefore it caused this acheing nausia and caused my mouth 2 salivate like fuck. It also gave me a boner that just wouldn’t go away. Today i noticed how many great asses the girls have @ my school and i was going fucking crazy to fuck one of them. Goddam they had tight jeans. I ended up going 2 the bathroom to jack off but that didn’t help much. I still feel sick right now and its nighttime. So i guess the moral of this story is to never take yohimbe capsules unless you want to have a sex marathon. PEACE from the Mongoose Add a Reply -- REPLIES -- urmomis1 0 Jan 09, 2008 6:30 pm - lulz thats helarious dood but a little weird that u jacked off at skool. lulz

Feb 01, 2005 2:43 pm - Vlad the impaler: another SUPERNATURAL ZONE exherpt DRACULA (VLAD THE IMPALER) DRACULA (A.K.A. VLAD THE IMPALER) The name "Dracula" is often synonymous with the term "vampire". Just what is a vampire? According to The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language (fourth edition by the Houghton Mifflin Company), a vampire is described as any of the following: * 1)-A reanimated corpse that is believed to rise from the grave at night to suck the blood of sleeping people. * 2)-A person, such as an extortionist, who preys upon others. * 3)-A vampire bat. Prince Vlad Dracula was born in Schässburg (now called Sighisoara), a small town in former Transylvania (now known as northern Romania) in 1431. The house in which he was born, still stands intact in Sighisoara. It was no castle, but just a simple three-storied house. He was named after his father Vlad Dracul, who belonged to the Order of the Dragon. This was an order formed by the Holy Roman Emperor for the purpose of defeating the Turks, who tried to conquer Europe at the time. The name "Dracul" which means dragon or devil, was taken on by his father, when he joined the order, the same year prince Vlad was born. He later added the -a on his son’s name, which means "Son of the Dragon". But as the young prince grow older, he became more known as "Son of the Devil". His father ruled over the area of Southern Romania known as Wallachia, and to keep his power, he had to be allied with powerful people. But he was a very unreliable master, that changed his allies constantly. To begin with he was against the Turks, later he suddenly changed policy and joined them for a short period. Perhaps this unreliable behavior was the reason why the Turkish Sultan ordered the capture of his two sons, prince Dracula and his little brother. In 1447 prince Vlad Dracula’s father was killed by some of his own men, and the year after, the prince, now age seventeen, was released from his imprisonment. He was sent back home to rule Wallachia, but in return he had to obey the Sultan in Constantinople. But he was overthrown, by a rival and had to escape, before he in 1456 could claim the throne back again. The first thing he did, was to build a stronghold for safety. With the help of several hundred noble families captured in his realm, who had to work as simple slaves, he got his stronghold build high up in the mountains, close to the northern Wallachian town of Tirgoviste. Now six years of terror began. First he revenged his fathers death, then he got rid of all his enemies in a boundless carnage. Several thousand people was killed in Wallachia and the neighboring countries. But prince Dracula didn’t just kill people, he liked to see them suffer. His favorite method of torturing someone to death, was impalement. Impalement was a gruesome from of execution. The victim was impaled between the legs upon a large sharpened stake, with the width of a man’s upper arm and hoisted upright in the air. Then the weight of the body would begin to drag them downwards, causing the sharpened end of the stake to pierce their internal organs very slowly. Vlad especially enjoyed mass executions, where several victims were impaled at once. In order to better enjoy these brutal acts, Vlad would place the impaled victims, in front of a banquet table and would then enjoy and commonly dine in his "forest of the impaled", to the sounds of the dying. It was these incredibly brutal acts, that got him the nickname "Tepes", which in Romanian means "Impaler". It is alleged that prince Vlad Tepes was responsible for the death, of over a hundred thousand people within a few years. This figure, is including the twenty-five thousand people, who died due to Impalement. In 1462, because of his enemies, Vlad Tepes had to flee again. He escape to Hungary, over the Transylvanian Alps, in hope of getting some help from the Hungarian king Corvinus. But instead of getting some sort of assistance, he was convicted on some false charges to prison for twelve years. When he was released again, he married a sister to the Hungarian King, and in November 1475, he finally got the assistance to regain control in Wallachian. But only a month later, Dracula was killed in battle against the Turks near Bucharest. After his death, the feared and no doubt brave warrior was then decapitated. Just to make people sure that he really was dead, his head was put on display in Constantinople. Later his body was buried in a monastery near Snagov in Romania. In a book called "Dracule", from 1488, written only thirteen years after Vlad the Impaler died, he was descried as a vampire! An author by the name of Bram Stoker wrote a number of short stories and novels, but Bram Stoker is primarily remembered for only one, that of his tale of vampires which was titled "Dracula". Dracula was originally published in 1897. Dracula was an immediate success, and is one of the best-known and most popular horror stories ever written. Add a Reply -- REPLIES -- prankens ine Feb 12, 2005 5:25 pm - Vlad used impalement on many of his Turkish enemys. The very same people who taught him the art !!!

Feb 01, 2005 2:24 pm - The tunguska explosion: story from "THE SUPERNATURAL ZONE" THE TUNGUSKA EXPLOSION Evidence of the mysterious blast 13 years after the cataclysmic explosion Had the following unexplained incident occurred today, even in the slightly relaxed atmosphere of the post-Cold War, it would have probably triggered World War Three. Fortunately, the greatest hammer blow from space to hit our Earth since prehistoric times happened when the 20th century was barely eight years old. Even today, scientists are still at loggerheads as regards to the nature of the extraterrestrial object which shook the world after exploding in the skies of pre-Revolutionary Russia. The momentous event happened at 7.15 a.m. local time on the last day of June 1908. At that precise moment, an object brighter than the morning sun ripped through the atmosphere over Siberia. A trainload of passengers on the trans-Siberian railway stared in horror at the towering pillar of flame roared through the clear blue skies at a phenomenal velocity of around one mile per second. The sonic boom given off by the sky invader shook the railway track, convincing the engine driver that one of his coaches had been derailed. The driver jammed on the brakes and as the train screeched to a grating halt, the mysterious fiery object thundered north. The trembling train passengers listened in relief as the overhead danger became fainter, and many of them looked out the windows of the carriages and eyed the vapor trail with bafflement. Almost 350 miles to the north of the train, the nomadic hunting tribes of the Evenki people felt the ground shake violently as they witnessed what seemed to be a second sun racing across the heavens. Only this sun seemed to be cylindrical. By now, the immense apocalyptic object had been seen to change course as if it was being controlled or steered. After passing over the terrified travelers of the trans-Siberian train, the object made a forty-five degree right turn and traveled 150 miles before performing an identical maneuver in the other direction. The tubular shaped object then proceeded for another 150 miles before exploding over the Tunguska valley. The detonation occurred at a height of five miles, and the 12-mega-ton explosion (it might have even been 30 mega-ton) destroyed everything within a radius of 20 miles. Herds of reindeer were incinerated as they stampeded away from the explosion, and all wildlife in the area was ignited by the searing heat blast. Thirty-seven miles from the blast, the tents that the frightened Evenki people had taken refuge in were lifted high into the air by the resulting atmospheric shock wave, and the Evenki’s horses galloped off in terror, dragging their ploughs with them. At the center of the explosion a monstrous mushroom cloud rose steadily over Siberia. Such a strange and unsettling sight would not be witnessed for another thirty-seven years at Hiroshima and Nagasaki. But this explosion was even fiercer than the A bombs which were dropped on the Japanese cities. The blast from the Tunguska explosion felled trees as if they were matchsticks for 20 miles around and set whole forests alight. The shockwave generated by the mysterious cataclysm traveled around the world twice and shook the recording pens of the microbarographs at three meteorological stations in London, where they were interpreted as seismic jolts from some distant earthquake. At a distance of 400 miles from the epicenter of the Tunguska blast, the relentless shockwave showed no signs of abating, and knocked fishermen from their boats on the River Kan. By the time the blast had deteriorated into a hurricane-like storm, a strange black rain started to fall over the Tunguska valley. Days later, strange scabs started to break out on animals that had been too far away to be directly burnt by the blast, and weeks later, curious investigators who ventured to the site of the explosion became sick and complained of strange burning sensations within their bodies. Were these signs of radiation sickness? But what meteoric object could be radioactive? Stranger still, why was there no crater at the site of the explosion? All meteorites leave a crater. And how would a meteorite travel horizontally for hundreds of miles and change course twice? Then there were other strange occurrences which seemed to suggest that the object which had exploded over Siberia was not a meteor at all, but perhaps some nuclear-powered spacecraft from another world which had had made an emergency crash-landing in a forbidding area of our world. The first reports of a strange glow in the sky came from across Europe. Shortly after midnight on 1 July 1908, Londoners were intrigued to see a pink phosphorescent night sky over the capital. People who had retired awoke confused as the strange pink glow shone into their bedrooms. The same ruddy luminescence was reported over Belgium. The skies over Germany were curiously said to be bright green, while the heavens over Scotland were of an incredible intense whiteness which tricked the wildlife into believing it was dawn. Birdsong started and cocks crowed - at two o’clock in the morning. The skies over Moscow were so bright, photographs were taken of the streets without using a magnesium flash. A captain on a ship on the River Volga said he could see vessels on the river two miles away by the uncanny astral light. One golf game in England almost went on until four in the morning under the nocturnal glow, and in the following week The Times of London was inundated with letters from readers from all over the United Kingdom to report the curious ’false dawn’. A woman in Huntingdon wrote that she had been able to read a book in her bedroom solely by the peculiar rosy light. There were hundreds of letters from people reporting identical lighting conditions that went on for weeks after the Tunguska explosion. Scientists and meteorologists also wrote to the newspaper giving their opinions about the cause of the strange sky-glare which ranged from the Northern Lights to dust in the upper atmosphere reflecting the rays of the sun below the horizon. No one connected the phenomenon with the strange object which had come down in Siberia to explode with the fury of a H-bomb. Even the national press in Russia gave no mention to the catastrophic even in the Tunguska Valley, because the country was then entering a major period of political upheaval. A serious investigation of the Tunguska incident did not take place for another thirteen years, when a Soviet mineralologist named Leonid Kulik led an expedition to the site of the explosion. But within those thirteen years, strange whispers and rumors spread across Siberia. There were tales of a strange being wandering the remote forests of Tunguska near the scenes of devastation. The nomadic reindeer herdsmen of Siberia sighted the gigantic grey humanoid figure some 50 miles north of the Chunya river. They saw the man, who seemed to be over 8 feet in height, picking berries and drinking water from a stream. The superstitious Mongol herdsmen regarded the freakish-looking stranger as one of the fabled chuchunaa - a race of hairy giants similar to the abominable snowman which were said to inhabit the region. The nomads crept through the forest to get a better look at the figure, and they saw that the grey color of the man was not hair, but tattered overalls of some sort. The herdsmen sensed that there was something unearthly about the being, and they retreated back into the forest and moved away from the area. There were several more sightings of the grey goliath over the years, and each report indicated that the entity from the cold heart of Siberia was moving westwards. Alas, all of the accounts of the strange giant were interpreted as mere folklore tales of the Russian peasants. In February 1927, Leonid Kulik went in search of the strange object that had impacted into Tunguska. He had read countless old newspaper clippings on the Siberian explosion and had conjectured that the object that had caused the widescale destruction had been a large meteorite made of stone and iron. Being a mineralologists, Kulik looked forward to obtaining samples of the meteorite for analysis. Kulik got off the Trans-Siberian railway at the Taishet station and on horse-drawn sledges they set off on an arduous three-day odyssey through 350 miles of ice and snow until he and his men reached the village of Kezhma, situated on the River Angara. At the village Kulik and his party of researchers replenished their supplies of food, then struggled on for a three-day journey across wild and uncharted areas of Siberia until they reached the log-cabin village of Vanavara on 25 March. Kulik then tried to make headway through the untamed Siberian forests, or taiga as the Russians call it, but was forced to turn back after heavy snowdrifts almost froze the horses to death. For three days Kulik was forced to remain in the snow-bound village of Vanavara, but during this period he interviewed many of the Evenki hunters who had witnessed the Siberian fireball’s arrival on this planet. The tales of the sky being ripped open by a falling sun and of a great thunder shaking the ground made Kulik even more eager to penetrate the taiga to find his holy grail. When the weather gradually improved, Kulik set out for the Tunguska Valley. When he finally reached the site of the mysterious explosion, he was almost speechless. From a ridge overlooking the scene, Kulik took out his notebook and scribbled down his first impressions of the damage wreaked by the cosmic vandal. Kulik wrote: From our observation point no sign of forest can be seen, for everything has been devastated and burned, and around the edge of the dead area, the young, twenty-year-old forest growth has moved forward furiously, seeking sunshine and life. One has an uncanny feeling when one sees twenty to thirty-inch giant trees snapped across like twigs, and their tops hurled many yards away. Kulik then proceeded towards the felled forest, but two of the guides who had taken him and his assistants to the area refused to go any further. The guides told the bemused scientist that there was something or someone still lurking about in the area. Kulik thought the guides were superstitious fools, but they told him that strange things had been seen at twilight in the shadows of the dead taiga. The guides returned home and Kulik fortunately met a few bold members of the Evenki tribe, who took him and the researchers further into the taiga. By June, Kulik and his men had reached the middle of the explosion site, where uprooted trees were scattered from the center of the blast like the tangled spokes of a wheel. There were no signs of a crater. Kulik realized that the explosion had occurred above ground. The Evenki tribesmen seemed to become very uneasy in the middle of the devastation zone, and started to talk about a supernatural presence in the area. But Kulik didn’t have time to listen to such irrational ramblings of the nomads; he had limited time to collect data for his friends back home at the Russian Academy of Sciences. There were three further expeditions to the site of the Tunguska explosion, all of them headed by Kulik. In 1941, Hitler attacked Russia. The 58-year-old Leonid Kulik volunteered to defend Moscow, but was wounded by the Nazis. He was captured by German troops and thrown in a prison camp where he died from his wounds. The next three expeditions to the Tunguska Valley in 1958, 1961 and 1962 were led by the Soviet geochemist Kirill Florensky, who used a helicopter to survey and chart the blast area. Florensky’s team sifted the soil in the area and discovered a narrow strip of dust which was of extraterrestrial origin. The dust consisted of magnetic iron oxide (magnetite) and minute glassy droplets of heat-fused rock. Florensky carefully checked the radiation levels at the site, but the only radioactivity present seemed to be from the fallout which had drifted into the area from distant Soviet H-bomb tests. Scientists who examined the findings of Florensky and the data from further investigations of the Tunguska explosion site began to postulate that a fragment of Comet Encke had collided with our planet and smashed into Siberia in June 1908. Today, some scientists believe that the blast was caused by a wandering black hole or a chunk of anti-matter. However, there is one piece of curious evidence that seems to vindicate the spaceship theory. At the site of the Tunguska blast, there is a strange irregular shape at the center of the circle of damaged terrain. Scientists and geologists who have analyzed the shape say it looks as if it was caused by something exploding within a cylinder. Comets are not cylindrical, and they do not travel horizontally to the ground making forty-five degree turns. And what of the fabled ’chuchunaa’ creature? What became of him? The last known encounter of the grey giant took place in 1941 in Daghestan. A Colonel V. S. Karapetyan and his troops were called out to investigate sightings of an enormous ’beast-like’ figure in the Buinaksk Mountains. The soldiers spotted what they regarded as a monstrosity and gave chase. They cornered the towering figure in a cave and opened fire on it with their rifles. The creature fell with a loud echoing thud, quite dead. Colonel Karapetyan later wrote an account of the confrontation with the unidentified human-like creature: He stood before me like a giant, his mighty chest thrust forward. His eyes told me nothing. They were dull and empty - the eyes of an animal. And he seemed to me like an animal and nothing more...a wild man of some kind. The corpse of the creature was left to the scavengers, and the colonel and his men left the mountains and concerned themselves with the task of defending Russia from the Nazis. The humanoid they had killed may simply have been one of those mysterious ’men-beasts’ such as the Yeti or Bigfoot, but according to some of the peasants of the Buinaksk Mountains, the oversized man wore ragged grey clothes. Is it therefore possible that the creature in the cave murdered by the military was the same being that had first been seen by the Evenki tribe near the scene of the Tunguska explosion? This leads us to a tantalizing possibility; was the abnormally tall entity some marooned alien from another world who had managed to eject himself from a damaged spaceship after steering the craft away from the inhabited areas of Siberia? If this was the case, what a sad and barbaric end for a visitor who might have been able to teach us so much Add a Reply -- REPLIES -- Clegg Feb 05, 2005 5:49 pm - Pretty cool...