Jokes and Puns
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Master Egg
Member Lvl: 55
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Posts: 4503
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| Posted: Sep 24, 2009 12:26 a.m. - Subject: Jokes and Puns |
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Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
a hole was found in the fence of a nudist colony, police are looking into it
There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.
if virginia couldnt wear a blouse what did delewere?
revenge may be a dish best served cold, but steaming hot revenge still taste pretty goddamn good
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
Now matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.
The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference
I’ve been to the dentist several times so I know the drill.
It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.
For a while, Houdini used a lot of trap doors in his act, but he was just going through a stage.
An electrician is a bright spark who knows what’s watt.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
He said I was average - but he was just being mean.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech’ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter ’Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite’.
A backwards poet writes inverse.
Decimals have a point.
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'Forum Admin'
Member Lvl: 80
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AIM YIM
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| Posted: Sep 24, 2009 1:35 a.m. - Subject: |
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I’m stealing some of these for the lol-go-round on YN. They’re quite "punny".
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Power Egg
Member Lvl: 29
Egg Points: 563833
Posts: 2763
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| Posted: Sep 24, 2009 3:35 p.m. - Subject: |
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A guy goes to the drug store, where the pharmacist has locked the condoms behind the counter because of shoplifting. When the pharmacist approaches and asks if he needs anything, the guy answers: "Yeah, I need to buy some condoms for my eleven year old daughter."
The pharmacist is taken aback. "Do you really think your eleven year old daughter is sexually active?"
The man gives the pharmacist a look that asks why he’d ask such an obvious question. "Sexually active? No, she just lies there in one place, like her mother."
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Power Egg
Member Lvl: 29
Egg Points: 563833
Posts: 2763
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| Posted: Sep 24, 2009 3:36 p.m. - Subject: |
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By the way, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
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Power Egg
Member Lvl: 29
Egg Points: 563833
Posts: 2763
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| Posted: Sep 24, 2009 4:24 p.m. - Subject: |
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And I hope the United States government remains secular--God willing.
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Normal Egg
Member Lvl: 9
Egg Points: 2546
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| Posted: Sep 24, 2009 4:48 p.m. - Subject: |
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Normal Egg
Member Lvl: 3
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AIM YIM
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| Posted: Sep 24, 2009 5:09 p.m. - Subject: |
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Ha, Cody.
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'of the Universe'
Egg Moderator
Member Lvl: 87
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| Posted: Sep 24, 2009 5:21 p.m. - Subject: |
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H-Dogg, that is officially the most disgusting joke I’ve ever heard.
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'The Devil'
Forum Moderator
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AIM YIM
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| Posted: Sep 24, 2009 5:24 p.m. - Subject: |
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Quote: And I hope the United States government remains secular--God willing.
thats lulz right there
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Power Egg
Member Lvl: 29
Egg Points: 563833
Posts: 2763
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| Posted: Sep 24, 2009 7:35 p.m. - Subject: |
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...because here in America, we respect life! And if you don’t respect life, we’ll kill you!
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Power Egg
Member Lvl: 10
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YIM
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| Posted: Sep 24, 2009 7:38 p.m. - Subject: |
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Quote: a hole was found in the fence of a nudist colony, police are looking into it
I immediately thought glory hole.
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Power Egg
Member Lvl: 29
Egg Points: 563833
Posts: 2763
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| Posted: Sep 24, 2009 7:39 p.m. - Subject: |
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Quote: H-Dogg, that is officially the most disgusting joke I’ve ever heard.
Imagine it being performed by Gilbert Gottfried, perhaps during a break in a recording session for that Aflac duck.
Q. Why do communists only drink herbal tea?
(click and drag your mouse, and start highlighting here)
A. Because proper tea is theft.
(stop highlighting)
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Power Egg
Member Lvl: 20
Egg Points: 500440
Posts: 2045
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| Posted: Sep 24, 2009 8:44 p.m. - Subject: |
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today’s plan for no flu.
[X] get the flu shot
[X] drink some apple juice cause oj will kill you
:D
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'of the Universe'
Egg Moderator
Member Lvl: 87
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| Posted: Sep 24, 2009 8:47 p.m. - Subject: |
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Quote: I immediately thought glory hole.
Aren’t you like 16? I didn’t learn that phrase until I was almost 30.
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Power Egg
Member Lvl: 20
Egg Points: 500440
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| Posted: Sep 24, 2009 8:54 p.m. - Subject: |
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you’re behind ^
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Master Egg
Member Lvl: 32
Egg Points: 404594
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YIM
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| Posted: Sep 24, 2009 8:56 p.m. - Subject: |
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nerd humor
some are ok but some of them just suck. i saw the ’Evolution of a programer" one on digg today, it was pretty good.
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