Normal Egg
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| Posted: Nov 18, 2007 1:20 p.m. - Subject: Another good website |
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These are two posts from doomdead.com/robbplatt.com
It used to be a computer security site, but it’s been reverted to a blogspot for sharing interesting points of view:
Then & Now
SCENARIO: JACK PULLS INTO SCHOOL PARKING LOT WITH RIFLE IN GUN RACK.
1963 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack’s rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack.
2006 - School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
SCENARIO: JOHNNY AND MARK GET INTO A FIST FIGHT AFTER SCHOOL.
1963 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.
2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
SCENARIO: LITTLE JEFFREY WON’T BE STILL IN CLASS, DISRUPTS OTHER STUDENTS.
1963 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits still in class.
2006 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.
SCENARIO: BILLY BREAKS A WINDOW IN HIS FATHER’S CAR AND HIS DAD GIVES HIM A WHIPPING.
1963 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2006 - Billy’s Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy’s sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has affair with psychologist.
SCENARIO: MARK GETS A HEADACHE AND TAKES SOME HEADACHE MEDICINE TO SCHOOL.
1963 - Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2006 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.
SCENARIO: MARY TURNS UP PREGNANT.
1963 - 5 High School Boys leave town. Mary does her senior year at a special school for expectant mothers.
2006 - Middle School Counselor calls Planned Parenthood, who notifies the ACLU. Mary is driven to the next state over and gets an abortion without her parent’s consent or knowledge. Mary given condoms and told to be more careful next time.
SCENARIO: PEDRO FAILS HIGH SCHOOL ENGLISH.
1963: Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2006: Pedro’s cause is taken up by ultra-liberals. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can’t speak English.
SCENARIO: JOHNNY TAKES APART LEFTOVER FIRECRACKERS FROM THE 4TH OF JULY, PUTS THEM IN A MODEL AIRPLANE PAINT BOTTLE, BLOWS UP A RED ANT BED.
1963 - Ants die.
2006 - ATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny’s Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
SCENARIO: JOHNNY FALLS WHILE RUNNING DURING RECESS AND SCRAPES HIS KNEE. HE IS FOUND CRYING BY HIS TEACHER, MARY, WHO HUGS JOHNNY TO COMFORT HIM.
1963 - In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2006 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison.
And this is what they call progress?
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The Philosophy of Sex
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." --Tom Clancy
"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither." --Steve Martin
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand." --Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." --Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL." --Lynn Lavner
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist." --Matt Barry
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." --George Burns
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant." --George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." --Sharon Stone
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she’s reading." --Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." --Jack Nicholson
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." --Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn’t think Barbara had a sense of humor)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." --Robin Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." --Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." --Billy Crystal
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." --Robert De Niro
"There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?" --Dustin Hoffman
"There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked." --Jerry Seinfeld
"Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house." --Rod Stewart
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." --Robin Williams
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