DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME : Text files and message bases are for INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. Do not undertake any project based upon any information obtained from this or any other web site.We are not responsible for, nor do we assume any liability for, damages resulting from the use of any information on this site.You may have seen the new Dell TV commercial featuring a middle-aged guy, laying awake in bed, who calls the Dell customer support hotline at 2:59 am, just to see if they\’re still there for him. The fresh-faced Dell operator, a young blonde lad engages in a witty dialogue with the man, reassuring him that no matter what, Dell will always be there for him.
But how do Dell operators really answer the phone at 2:59 am? I decided to find out last night by setting my alarm clock wicked early, then using the dialogue from the commercial, word for word.
[MAN speed-dials phone and is immediately connected.]
DELL: Dell Service and Support, can I help you?
MAN: You\’re there.
DELL: Yessir, we\’re here 24/7.
MAN: What about leap year?
MAN: What about Arbor Day?
DELL: Yessir, we\’re here on Arbor Day.
DELL: We\’re here.
MAN: Cinco de Mayo?
DELL: Here ... it\’s uh, it\’s Spanish. It was a joke. We\’re here.
DELL: Uh ... locusts?
MAN: Yeah, like a horde of locusts coming down your street.
DELL: Yessir, someone will be here for you.
MAN: Good night.
DELL: Good night, sir.
MAN: I\’ll call you in an hour.
[I have to navigate 18 keypresses of phone menus before I can find someone to help me. Finally I am connected with an Indian fellow.]
DELL: Thank you for calling Dell. My name is Hardik, may I have your service code?
ME: You\’re there.
DELL: Yes, my name is Hardik, may I have your service code?
ME: You\’re there.
DELL: I\’m there, my name is Hardik, you\’ve reached Dell technical support. OK, thank you, goodbye?
ME: Hello, Hardik?
DELL: Yes? I am needing your first and last name?
DELL: Hmm? Yes, yeah.
ME: What about leap year?
DELL: Yeah, yeah, we do work on leap year too. May I have your first and last name?
ME: What about Arbor Day?
DELL: Yeah, that day too. May I have your name?
DELL: Yeah. What is your name, sir?
ME: Cinco de Mayo?
DELL: [Thinking this is my name] Sorry? Can you spell it?
DELL: Uh, stinko? OK, fine, also I need your service code number, it\’s found on a white tag on the back of the computer, 5 to 7 digits long.
DELL: The numbers are printed on a white tag on the back of your PC.
DELL: Uh huh.
ME: Like a horde of locusts coming down your street?
DELL: OK, actually you\’ve reached Dell technical support, may I know your problem?
ME: Um, there\’s no problem.
DELL: Nothing at all?
DELL: OK, so may I know the reason that you\’re calling to me?
ME: I just wanted to make sure you were here.
DELL: Oh, don\’t worry. We\’re here.
ME: And \"here\" is where?
ME: Where are you located, Hardik?
DELL: India. A city called Mumbai.
ME: That\’s a pretty loose definition of \"Here,\" but I guess we\’re on the same planet, Hardik.
ME: I\’ll call you in an hour.