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You may have seen the new Dell TV commercial featuring a middle-aged guy, laying awake in bed, who calls the Dell customer support hotline at 2:59 am, just to see if they\’re still there for him. The fresh-faced Dell operator, a young blonde lad engages in a witty dialogue with the man, reassuring him that no matter what, Dell will always be there for him.
But how do Dell operators really answer the phone at 2:59 am? I decided to find out last night by setting my alarm clock wicked early, then using the dialogue from the commercial, word for word.
COMMERCIAL DIALOGUE
[MAN speed-dials phone and is immediately connected.]
DELL: Dell Service and Support, can I help you?
MAN: You\’re there.
DELL: Yessir, we\’re here 24/7.
MAN: 24/7/365?
DELL: 365.
MAN: What about leap year?
DELL: 366.
MAN: What about Arbor Day?
DELL: Yessir, we\’re here on Arbor Day.
MAN: Hannukah?
DELL: We\’re here.
MAN: Cinco de Mayo?
DELL: Aqui.
MAN: What?
DELL: Here ... it\’s uh, it\’s Spanish. It was a joke. We\’re here.
MAN: Plague?
DELL: Here.
MAN: Pestilence?
DELL: Here.
MAN: Locusts?
DELL: Uh ... locusts?
MAN: Yeah, like a horde of locusts coming down your street.
DELL: Yessir, someone will be here for you.
MAN: Good night.
DELL: Good night, sir.
MAN: I\’ll call you in an hour.
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ACTUAL DIALOGUE
[I have to navigate 18 keypresses of phone menus before I can find someone to help me. Finally I am connected with an Indian fellow.]
DELL: Thank you for calling Dell. My name is Hardik, may I have your service code?
ME: You\’re there.
DELL: Yes, my name is Hardik, may I have your service code?
ME: You\’re there.
DELL: I\’m there, my name is Hardik, you\’ve reached Dell technical support. OK, thank you, goodbye?
ME: Hello, Hardik?
DELL: Yes? I am needing your first and last name?
ME: 24/7?
DELL: Yeah.
ME: 24/7/365?
DELL: Hmm? Yes, yeah.
ME: What about leap year?
DELL: Yeah, yeah, we do work on leap year too. May I have your first and last name?
ME: What about Arbor Day?
DELL: Yeah, that day too. May I have your name?
ME: Hannukah?
DELL: Yeah. What is your name, sir?
ME: Cinco de Mayo?
DELL: [Thinking this is my name] Sorry? Can you spell it?
ME: C-I-N-C-O.
DELL: Uh, stinko? OK, fine, also I need your service code number, it\’s found on a white tag on the back of the computer, 5 to 7 digits long.
ME: Plague?
DELL: The numbers are printed on a white tag on the back of your PC.
ME: Pestilence?
DELL: Sorry?
ME: Locusts?
DELL: Uh huh.
ME: Like a horde of locusts coming down your street?
DELL: OK, actually you\’ve reached Dell technical support, may I know your problem?
ME: Um, there\’s no problem.
DELL: Nothing at all?
ME: No.
DELL: OK, so may I know the reason that you\’re calling to me?
ME: I just wanted to make sure you were here.
DELL: Oh, don\’t worry. We\’re here.
ME: And \"here\" is where?
DELL: Sorry?
ME: Where are you located, Hardik?
DELL: India. A city called Mumbai.
ME: That\’s a pretty loose definition of \"Here,\" but I guess we\’re on the same planet, Hardik.
DELL: OK.
ME: I\’ll call you in an hour.
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