This is my first story, and unlike many shoplifters out there; I actually know how to use correct English grammar :) I'm not your typical shoplifter, in fact, someone might say that, for me, it's an art-form and I'm certainly not going to get into any essay-type discussion about how shoplifting is immoral, although I'm sure there are possible reasons when even it might become morally-just to shoplift.

Rather, I'm just going to discuss a few ways about who I am, why I shoplift, how I feel about it, some techniques (which is probably the part you're really looking forward to), and I might even throw in some anecdotes along the way.

As the title states, shoplifting is my hobby. Shoplifting is not something for me to do because I get bored or because I don't have money, oh no, I got plenty of money sitting in the bank account; neither is shoplifting a way to pay my debts or drugs (Don't do drugs!); it really is a hobby of mine. Of course, like any hobby, shoplifting has it's own set of rules; it's not like standing in front of a blank canvas and going haywire with a brush and paint; but it is like art in terms of proper-preparation, emotion, a sense of calmness and a respect for time. Like any portrait-painter, shoplifting requires proper-preparation for the tools necessary to get that 'smooth-natural-appearance', and to behave in such a manner that your emotion is picked up by store-staff and other customers as being 'a-typical-customer-who-may-or-may-not-make-a-purchase', the ability to remain calm thoughtout your in-store experiences no matter what might happen which then requires you to effectively manage your time in the store.

It's probably important to understand who I am first. Well, I won't tell you too much about myself; but sufficent to say I am a very decent looking person, everyone asks me if I live the 'hi-society' lifestyle not because of the way I dress, but because of my face (I don't know why, I guess living in an Asian country it gets like that). I pronounce English properly as any educated person does, and I stroll most of the time :) I suppose there is an aura people collect about me as they see me, somewhat of an affluent person with time at my disposal. I carry brand-names like Louis Vuitton (I actually have all my receipts for them thanks), Burberry, expensive watches and other small items that make me appear, I would say, quite well off for a 25 year old. I have very pale white skin, and I look healthy.

I really do want to say that shoplifting, on the whole, is wrong and illegal. Of course every issue with regards to the law and morality can have a 'case-by'case' analysis as to whether it can be just at times. And with the disclosure out of the way, I don't feel one bit guilty about the items I collect from my 'shopping-sprees'; to be honest, I really feel proud each and every time so I do not want to hear anything from anyone about how wrong it is. If you don't like it, don't read this. Stop right now. Click that arrow 'back' at the top corner of your IE page. As Nike says (and I don't shoplift from there by the way), JUST DO IT. But, if you're a fellow comrade who finds shoplifting an uplifting experience for whatever reason, then welcome!

Let me also add that there are different kinds of shoplifters. I classify them into 3 groups only. Those who; [1] Steal as an addiction, [2] Steal to re-sell, [3] Steal to satisfy themselves.

I'll come out right now and say it, I guess I do abit of 2 and 3 but it really depends on the particular day. I don't work on Sundays, that's a commandment that I CAN and DO keep :) But Monday to Friday, fill that bag up baby, that's what I'd say. Saturdays are mixed days, I do abit of paying and abit of lifting, I never lift shoes; they're too difficult and I can't be bothered carrying an extra 2kg of shoes in my bags; so I end up buying them. Like I said previously, I do have money; alot of it. I guess I'm just too selfish from a completely innocent person's law-abiding mind, to have to use my own money to pay for things that I do not believe is bloody-well worth the price tag it's attached to, especially when they mark up their prices so high and it's made in bloody Cambodia. That's just across the damn border! [Yes, I'm in Thailand].

So...

You're probably wondering what my secret is...how is that I get away with this all the time and never get caught? Well....

Knowing the law is important, so don't go shoplifting with those foil-bags; that shows you actually planned/intended to steal. Don't use a knife, or those clothe-security-tag removers. Always steal using tools/materials that could otherwise be effectively explained with typical reasons. You can easily get the security tags removers off clothes in the changing rooms using only your hands (twist, pull, twist). So what am I trying to say? Do not carry any item on your person or in your belongings that [1] a normal shopper would not carry, and [2] could with the tiniest possibility be used as a way to assist in shoplifting.

For example, I have read previously that some people purchase those security tag removers; well how are you going to explain having that with you if you get caught stealing? You can't, and if you do then you'll be laughed at; and they'll enjoy it too.

When I nick items from clothing stores, I always go in with an average size bag. This is Thailand, so guys here carry bags bigger than the ladys...go figure...anyway, it's good for me! While in an un-secured area, I lift the items into a bag which is placed into my side bag; so there are actually 2 bags, one inside the other. This way, when I go to open my bag; I can open my bag completely and let everyone see inside while trying to find, say, my cellphone. No one can see inside the second bag.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Going into a store with the intention to steal means that territory is not your territory, so you need to behave, dress, speak, and walk just like any other customer in that store during that time. So don't wear any baggy clothing if it's a hot day. Walking into Louis Vuitton and nicking stuff might be abit too drastic, but the customers there do not behave the same as your average Tesco Lotus customer. If the customers are typically bitchy, then act bitchy. But act bitchy with a smile :) A smile can go a long way if something odd happens (like you remove a tag in the changing room, it falls on the ground and rolls out of the changing room...the changing room assistant would find it suspicious if that happened, so apologise for breaking their precious tag and leave without nicking anything).

When lifting items, you have to particularly meticulous with serial numbers or other numbers/codes that could otherwise identify the item as 'not-yet-purchased'. Removing the price tags are important, because they contain codes and barcodes which hold information that can be used to recognise whether it has been purchased yet. It's rather difficult for you to say you purchased it already, if the barcode is telling the cashier it's not yet been purchased; but you had it tucked away in your bag!

So removing the tags is necessary before placing it in your bag, but equally important is removing tags attached to the item itself, for example, on garments from say GAP there could be a price tag with it's usual barcode and numbers, this number could also be located directly on the price of clothing too, like somewhere around the hems or on the "Do not Tumble Dry". You need to remove that number or remove the entire tag. Once the price tag and serial numbers have been removed, you can lift the item knowing that, if you have'nt been seen, the world is at your feet.

If you get caught with the price tag un-attached, and the serial number missing; no one can know where you purchased the item, if it was actually purchased, when it was purchased or any other details. So you might end up saying, if asked to be searched and you voluntarily permit it, that it was a gift from your friend who was kind enough to not let you know how cheap he/she is when it comes to your birthday. So tell that security guard to have a nice day, and smile like your day has just been made better :)

For me, as a professional lifter that enjoys it, I got to further lengths to protect myself while getting a big kick out of this system. As you know, I've got money stashed in my bank account so I usually got into a store and buy a few items, and I always buy at least 2 items on the same purchase. The next day or week, whenever I can be bothered, I go back to the same shop (any branch), lift the same items and tell them I want to refund, or exchange. So this technique then requires you to be able to switch the barcodes on items. Sometimes I just stuff them into my bag and walk out the door with the stuff, at this stage, i really do welcome a search :) After I got a receipt for these items, you remember don't you, I paid for them in the 3rd line of this paragraph except I'm lifting the same items :)

Some clothing brands have no serial numbers at all attached to the particular item, but only a price tag with a barcode. In this case, I need to switch the paid for price tag for the lifted item, so that when I walk up to that wonderful cashier and ask for a refund or exchange, the barcodes and numbers all match up. If there was no original serial number or barcode, and you're damn sure of it, then milk that receipt till the ink fades and the sun don't shine :):)

But if the sun still shines and the ink has faded, times up. You need to make yourself a new purchase. So don't be greedy, take it easy and have some fun.

Some people might wonder how people like myself, shoplifters (it's rather late, but I prefer the word 'stock-diverters'), justify our behaviour, or better yet, actually feel good about it. Well, we all have skeletons in our closet. Yes, mind is stock-diverting! What's yours? Rape? Foul mouth? Alcoholism? Wife beater?....We're all in the same boat, most people just experience rather high tidal wave than others.

You might ask why I love shoplifting, but who can explain love?

I'll be adding to this editorial later on....so I'll be back....(How's this for my first egg?).